quick to judge

I guess we are all guilty of this. Instead of reserving our opinions and giving the benefit of the doubt so to speak, it sometimes is easy to just hurl accusations and judgements left and right. The recent tragedy that struck our nation is one good example.

Our country has been through several crises already and we've proven time and again of our resilience. Despite our flaws and imperfections, the crab mentality, corruption and sometimes shallow-mindedness among others, we, as a nation have managed in our own ways to inspire the world, show them our worth and value and be in the spotlight for good reasons. Reeling from the pork barrel issue, the (staged) armed crisis in Mindanao, the 7.2 earthquake, our country yet again, played host amidst unwillingly to one of the strongest storms ever, Typhoon Haiyan or locally known as Yolanda.

Not surprisingly, this was something the locals have not experienced ever before. Sometimes, it is hard when you grow accustomed to some events that you prepare based only on that knowledge and estimate of the level of worst-case scenario. Unfortunately, it was just that and more but even the most powerful of nations experience disasters of their own. We are powerless when Mother Nature decides to unleash its wrath to us. Seeing the first few videos and pictures to finally come in after some areas have been cut off, it was just so heart-wrenching. We are lucky the heavily congested metro was spared and I can't imagine what kind of damage we would see. I guess the glaring difference between classes might become more evident (i.e. those in concrete high-rises) but then again, who can say? Going back, the amount of loss both material and immaterial although might not appear to be as great (currently the count is still in the hundreds hopefully it won't be that high...) and the trauma that the survivors have to deal, with are hard to imagine.

A family member made this comparison when news of rampant looting not just of the basic necessities were reported. "When the tsunami hit Japan, people were more civilized and no looting were observed. Maybe because they know that their government will  help them." The question is: When you have none left and even lost a loved on and there doesn't seem to be any sign that help is on the way, do you just wait it out or try to survive? It is a natural instinct to survive. If there is no power, communication is cut off and supplies are running out, your home was destroyed, what else can you do? We naturally want to go on living and life has to go on. You try to push forward. Obviously, there is loss of order and the devastation left by Yolanda left chaos and destruction in its wake. I am not saying all of their actions are justified. There are other opportunists out there I bet. Yes, we can wish that our countrymen could have taken the higher moral ground and acted more civilized  but maybe right now it's a World War Z/Walking Dead out there. To them that is the situation. Let us not be quick to judge on the actions that are now being reported while we sit in our homes twiddling with our smartphones etc. There was a time when intermittent power outages were manageable but imagine that now and many people would complain and whine with our lives so much intertwined with our iOS's and Androids.

I pray that they (those affected) are given the strength, wisdom and courage to live another day. I pray that our government gets their act together, stop the bickering and corruption and be on top of this situation. We can weather a lot of storms better if only we are more effective and united. Help is pouring in but as one friend goes, we have at one point in our lives received the help we badly needed. We can pay it forward, here's some ways how:

1. Donate from any of the different NGOs, some of the well-known ones include:
ABS-CBN Sagip Kapamilya: http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/tulong
GMA Kapuso Foundation: Panawagan mula sa GMA Kapuso Foundation para sa mga nasalanta ng Super Typhoon Yolanda | GMANetwork.com - Foundation - Articles
Philippine Red Cross: http://www.redcross.org.ph/donate.php

others such as World Vision and World Food Programme are also listed in this post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/09/philippines-haiyan-how-to-help-_n_4247106.html

2. Repacking of relief goods for DSWD, Red Cross, UP etc.

DSWD-NROC needs volunteers to repack relief goods now. We are on 24/7 relief ops. Interested may call 8512681 or 09184219780." - twitter.com/dswdserves

Let go

We're heading into the Christmas season and I'm definitely heading from busy to very busy what with all the trainings going on starting this week. I guess that vacation was a way for me to store up on good vibes. Maybe next time I'll get to post our itinerary and the Bicol trip. Hopefully, now that I have a multiple entry visa for the next three years, I get to visit at least every autumn. It's definitely my favorite season but I sure would like to go snowboarding one time. Just you wait friends! For some reason,  I've lost interest with other nearby countries because of this one I used to call home even for a brief period only. 

Anyhow, just wanted to write this post to mark a decision (which I hope to keep) to unburden myself. I'm normally fine, content and happy but of course there are those moments that I end up jaded and lonely. I guess I have to let go of that dream and maybe just start to accept that it might not be for me after all. I don't want to be pessimistic but I guess I just don't want to find myself jaded from time to time. If it's His will and part of His plan then it will come until then I'll just live my life and resign myself to the possibility of being one of those not meant to find someone. And I start this by letting go of everyone even those who I feel paranoid to be avoiding me (paranoid gets you only when you are invested/attached to somehow).

Consider them as a parting and thank you gift.

Autumn colors

Hands down, autumn is really my favorite season. But because I live in a tropical country, I didn't get to appreciate it until I was assigned for work in South Korea last year. As one saying goes, it is that time when leaves become flowers. Autumn colors through leaves dying gives the scenery a boost plus the crisp clear weather. Ahhh... I am so thankful for having had the chance to experience it once again. Until next year (hopefully)!

Call me (insert name here)

In a few days time,  I shall be going broke and in debt to my parents (thanks ma and pa for letting me borrow saving me from that interest rate!). And I will be finally taking home a brand new depreciating pollutant. Much as I don't really need to buy one and the one I'm using is good for another two or so years considering it survived Ondoy, for various reasons I've decided that now would be a good time as any other (for the family especially the sister and dad, and for being practical and not aiming for an SUV. Would have to leave some things to a guy... Hopefully...)

Nonetheless, since this is my first real purchase (the old one I was using I just bought at a family-friendly second-hand price from the parentals), I thought i'd give it a name. I'd follow the bandwagon and choose a guy's name. I've thought of several but I'm still undecided which one i'd go for.

1. Brett Harvey

2. Barney (HIMYM inspired)

3. Robin (again HIMYM inspired)

4. Ted (yes, i love HIMYM!) 

5. Nick (new girl)

6. Vince

Whatchathink? I'm actually excited and looking forward to driving an automatic even if it's not really an upgrade to the one I'm using now. *hint *hint.

2014 to do list

Well, 2013 ain't over yet but I find myself starting to set-up goals on what I want to do for the following year. The weather for the rest of the year might not be a good time for me to actually achieve these goals as well as the travels (both work and leisure) that's already lined up plus the monetary restrictions. This will probably be a list in the making or a just a dream list but nonetheless, I sure wish I'd get the chance to do them one day.

(listed in the order that I deem more feasible to the least feasible ones for the year or maybe in my lifetime)

1. Stand up paddleboarding in Coron or El Nido.

Got the idea while browsing through the in flight magazine of Philippine Airlines en route to Shanghai. I've always wanted to explore the many nooks and crannies of our beautiful, tropical country and Coron or Palawan has always been something on the list (among other which I would probably list down below). Who wouldn't be drawn to the idea once you see this picture (or similar to what was in the magazine)?

photo grabbed from http://www.suptoursphilippines.com/ website

I'm all the more enticed after seeing this picture. I've kayaked a couple of times already and it is tiring. I bet this one will probably be all the more tiring. Nonetheless, I'm up for trying something new. It's for the experience and the visuals! Hopefully, I get to squeeze this in my schedule next year... and I get to have someone tag along to take me an awesome picture like the one above. haha

2. San Juanico Bridge Run

The San Juanico bridge has been part of my Philippine history classes since back in elementary years and although I haven't been there I get the sense that it will be a scenic run. It is not the longest bridge in the country spanning just 2km  but it connects the islands of Samar and Leyte. As per Wikipedia: "It is considered one of the most beautifully designed bridges in Philippines". It should be a short run but well the scenery might make the run longer than it should.

photo grabbed from http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/03/San_Juanico_Bridge.jpg

3. Europe trip

When I first started thinking about what I want to do next year, this was still feasible. I thought that I'd just try and visit three countries/cities like Amsterdam, Paris and maybe Milan or wherever. I was thinking along the lines of backpacking and couchsurfing and crashing at a friend's place in Amsterdam. But priorities have suddenly changed so this may be something that has to wait and I have to work harder for (unless I find that other silent prayer and fervent wish...)

As much as I'd like to set more out of town trips even locally, my current role requires me to also travel a lot in the Asia Pacific region (especially southeast asia) so I wouldn't have much time to go on those local trips but any trip in good company be it friends, family or maybe a special someone will always be nice and appreciated. :) the ones below are more like wishful thinking for now so I won't elaborate anymore:

- back to Boracay
- Batanes. Need I say more?
- Anawangin
- Cagbalete, Caramoan, Calaguas, Matnog take two.
- sky dive
- watch the F1 Grand Prix (Monaco would be the ultimate) somewhere in Asia especially since the Ice Man is back with Ferrari and you have two world champions on the same team. That will make up for an interesting season and races I bet.
- Japan tour
- Maldives

Flatline

I've loved and I've lost... No regrets there. You live, you learn. You win but sometimes you also lose.

No pain, no gain. It's just the natural order of things. What's important is that at the end of the day, you know that you've lived to seize that day!

I'm alive, alert, awake, enthusiastic!

One time, while the pilot was announcing that we had to go back to the terminal after being airborne for just a few minutes because of some problem, I thought to myself well, anything can happen. Plane rides have become too much of a happenstance to me that the dangers and fears that normally come along with it no longer bothered me. Sure, there were turbulent flights but not so much that I didn't feel safe. But at that time, although I was far from panicking or agitated or even anxious, that was the closest I've become to a mishap involving airplanes. The thing is I didn't feel too attached if anything did happen to me. Sure, I have my hopes and dreams but for some reason I thought I just surrendered myself freely to Him. Either that or I was going through something at that time. I don't think at all it's the latter. Nonetheless, I can't really be complacent with my frequent travels and I have to hope and pray for safe travels in as much as I pray for successful work execution.

Lucky and blessed

Life is beautiful indeed if you learn to count your blessings and appreciate what you have and not what you don't. Trials and suffering either make you miserable to no end or make you stronger and better helping you to remember Him and the many other reasons to keep smiling even through the tears, the hurt, the failures and the pain. Hold your head up high, stay positive, don't give up hope, have faith and trust in Him... keep moving and push on forward..

Definitely feeling the love, appreciation, sense of accomplishment right now. Thank You!

This is how I roll nowadays... Lucky and blessed indeed!

Definitely Asian

My nationality has been deceiving and locals from neighboring countries tend to think of me as a local and automatically speak to me in their local language. If I keep my mouth shut chances are they would assume I'm either:
1. Chinese - while in Shanghai
2. Korean - while in South Korea
3. Chinese, or Japanese - while in Myeongdong (Seoul). Sales ladies would call my attention in Korean, then Chinese, then Japanese if I don't acknowledge them. The last thing they'd do would be to speak in English although they have this natural aversion to the language.
4. Chinese/Thai in other SouthEast Asian countries
5. Korean - at the airport when flying Korean Air
6. Singaporean - in Manila just because my co-instructor was Singaporean.

Definitely Asian but more east asian than SouthEast probably. Coupled with a few compliments I am really flattered and thankful. They give me the confidence boost that I somewhat need considering the insecurities I've had to deal with in the past weeks... :)

Lone ranger

And so it begins...

One of the reasons I moved into this role aside from the many obvious ones was because I was not ready to give up travelling. I have been blessed enough to have travelled relatively a great deal because of my work. In my 6 years of stint with this company, I've been sent to Texas, Florida, China, Singapore, Indonesia, South Korea, (Australia if I didn't change roles). Those travels have opened opportunities and doors of all sorts for me that I really find them enjoyable in their own ways. Don't be mistaken that they are stress and problem free but it is better to just look on the bright side of things. I get to meet and interact with people, cultures, traditions and environments without breaking my bank.

I'm just in my fourth month in my new role and already I've been to Malaysia twice, Singapore, Brunei, South Korea and now in Shanghai. For the first time however, I am alone and such will be the usual case in my next travels. The solo adventures begins and I intend to enjoy and maximize it the best way I can. Although I don't have much time to explore getting to meet people has so far been really interesting and enjoyable for me. Making friends and connections in this great big multinational company is fun. I have already two travels scheduled for the next two months and the title, Travel Engineer only seems too apt. Nonetheless, I can't really complain. Ask me again after maybe a year but right now, I like my job.

Life has been good. I am definitely blessed and spoiled by Him that all I can think of the trials that I go through is because He has better things planned and in store for me. It might eventually become monotonous and the travelling might be too much or tiring, so I don't know how it'll be after a year. Also, I don't know how I will have a family of my own but I hope and pray that is included in His plan for me. In the meantime, I go where He wants me to go. Thank You!

You

I was going to write a long litany of thank you for being there, for being a security blanket. I've become too dependent on people when it comes to these things that maybe people are trying to avoid me and my emotional baggage. Right now, I am trying my best to pull myself together without calling for help even though I'm on the edge of another breakdown. As the quote puts it, cry but learn to smile through the tears. I've wasted so much tears on this already. So this is what unrequited love feels like...

Nonetheless, inappropriate as it may seem, the thought of you there helps me get through this. My self-esteem and confidence is really at its lowest but hoping that you're still there for me uplifts me... I hope if God wills it, you'd still be there after I get through this... 

Solanin

Solanin - Akfg

Even if that frail happiness

Had somehow lingered on

A bad seed would surely have sprouted

So I guess this is goodbye

Goodbye, that's enough

You can cope anywhere

Goodbye, I'll manage somehow too

Goodbye, that's what I'll do...

Ja ne!

First love...

Too many thoughts, realizations, overwhelming emotions sometimes ironic: bitter and sweet, happy and sad, painful and peaceful... For old time's sake, being back in Seohyeon, revisiting/reliving bits of my old life, it's deja vu. Probably March was not the proper goodbye I had hoped to make for closure. now, I might finally be coming full circle - closing the loop. In His perfect time, it finally is time to really move on. Appreciate things for as they are and not as they were. But treasure the moments turned great memories. Now I see, it's not really about a boy or boys... It was really just about me and Korea, our 9-month love affair. I guess Korea is my first love after all. Korea will always have a special place in my heart...

Favorite things

So today, I managed to put up that display cabinet... finally, I must say! So now, the globes I bought and received from all over are finally out of their boxes or wherever there was space to put them in. The lego minifigures are also out of their foil packs although I don't really intend to collect those as there are too many (expensive and some hard to find) of them.  One stitch and larva had a place to stay too! I look forward to more globes and other thingamajings that I can add but nonetheless, I thank my friends for indulging me. Maybe a matryoshka and haechi would be nice. Definitely more liao's please (especially from Turn Left, Turn Right)! We'll see.

*that Cuervo bottle was used to store the sands I somehow snagged (unwisely) from Caramoan although me and Jose have quite a history so you can also say he's an accidental favorite. 

Deactivate!

So on a whim, I decided to deactivate my facebook yet again. I doubt it that I'll be able to keep this deactivated for a long time but for some reason I'm terribly feeling anti-social today. I guess I'm too selective that even if we know each other I don't want to be connected. Sure there are ways to restrict but somehow I still feel like being connected makes you lose a bit of what's left of that little privacy of what you want to share in facebook... It's enough that it's an avenue for topics/non-topics and you're basically putting yourself under the microscope. I am too weak-willed to decline the requests as well, especially if (I feel like) I've ran out of excuses. Somehow, there are people/acquaintances you want to remain just professional contacts with. Now, I'm pondering what I'd do moving forward considering the role I chose. It's inevitable that people may want to 'stay connected'. It would be good if they just try and look me up because that will somehow lessen the chances of finding me. The problem is if they ask me if I have an account. Either I say yes or no. No, whether being a lie or not leads to people making conclusions of your being too secretive or anti-social behavior. Saying yes, leads to requesting for you guys to stay connected.

Call me an alarmist but I'm seriously freaked out that somehow, someone has more access than I want them to. I've already modified my settings prior to this but somehow, I suddenly feel I should filter some more if not block or remove all posts. On top of that, I don't even know how that ticker (if that's what you call it) privacy can be controlled. And with that, the easiest would be to deactivate. This is a temporary solution but I've done it before, deleted it even so I think I can do it again. Some things never change probably and maybe that includes my attitude of wanting to keep things compartmentalized... Of course, I don't like that same feeling as well, which this deactivation is also able to address temporarily. Although I'd say I'm just too darn confused right now.

"I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown..and I don't know why" I managed to fall asleep after deactivating but then some few minutes or hours after I wake up agitated and my heart beating fast but more like palpitating. For all I know, there's a part of me that wants to run away and hide due to plain cowardice and weakness. From where or who and why, well that's the problem. There's really nothing to run away from. I should really go back to sleep...

"Suppose I say, I'm on my best behavior..

Would you want me when I'm not myself?.."

Summer 2013

As May ends, so does summer in this tropical island I call home, as well. In the past two years, I unfortunately did not get a chance to explore our many beaches here as I usually do as most locals here in the previous years. 2011 was mostly spent on personal overseas trips while 2012 was spent in vanity land for work purposes. This year, I think that somehow I was able to make up for it.

1. Sorsogon-Legazpi, April 2013

A DIY backpacking trip with my mom and sister. In a nutshell, it consisted of kayaking and trekking at the Bulusan lake, dipping in the Irosin hot spring, island hopping in Matnog and ATV driving near the Cagsawa church ruins. I've been to Caramoan and Calaguas but Matnog was just as great. There's so much to see and experience in the Bicol region that one visit is not enough to get through them all. It's also cool that I got to visit these places while they weren't that popular and developed yet... There's a certain charm on being able to visit these places without the luxury of urban amenities... Hopefully, I will get the chance to share our itinerary because blogs have been very helpful for us when we were trying to put them together. Of course, having friends from Bicol to provide tips and insights also helped a lot.

2. Hundred Islands, Alaminos, Pangasinan, May 2013

It's probably my third time to visit and although it may not be as good as the others, it's still worth visiting considering the proximity to Manila. It is still a relatively long drive, about 4 hours, but this can make for a quick weekend escape. The highlight was in being able to visit a 'virgin' island which did not have any structures in it, unlike the others to cater to tourists/visitors. Quezon Island was too crowded at that time so we opted to bum out in the nearby Lopez island instead.

3. Liw-Liwa, San Felipe, Zambales, May 2013

An off the beaten path that is way less crowded, not overrated, laidback and certainly not commercialized hideaway to bum out and learn skimboarding/surfing. The vibe is very friendly and again forget luxury, simple living is the rule here. I'd definitely want to come back here just to chill out. Another highlight was just hanging out on those boulders and being able to see a shooting star for the first time! I definitely enjoyed my time here, in good company of course. It was funny and amusing seeing an atv there too considering the inside joke...

"I dig my toes into the sand...

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket

I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless

And in this moment, I am happy..."

Spot on!

Quotes that somehow have been spot on especially since this past year:

Be patient is a good advice. But the waiting makes me curious. - Alice

You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to step away from the shore. -Andre Gide

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams because they feel that they don't deserve them. - manuscript found in accra

Choice. Chance. Change. You must make a Choice, to take a Chance or your life will never Change. - anonymous

When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day. - Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

Everyone's got baggage, it's part of life. But like anything else it's easier when someone gives you a hand with it. - Ted, HIMYM

If you have chemistry you only need one other thing - timing. But timing's a bitch. - Robin, HIMYM

Truth is, everybody's going to hurt you; you just have to find the ones worth suffering for. - Bob Marley

What hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye. - life of pi

Never let your past experiences harm your future. Your past can't be altered and your future doesn't deserve the punishment. - anonymous

Bloom where you're planted.

We are all destined to be great.

Fill your heart with gratefulness.

You don't always get what you want instead you get what you need.

It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing.- timelines, motion city soundtrack

An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming. - anonymous

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't. And believe that everything happens for a reason... If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it would be easy... They just promised it would be worth it. - anonymous

Have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you planned it but how it's meant to be... 

Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part will come later- MoS

Anxious

"There is nothing wrong with anxiety. Although we cannot control God’s time, it is part of the human condition to want to receive the thing we are waiting for as quickly as possible. Or to drive away whatever is causing our fear. . . . Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it—just as we have learned to live with storms." - paulo coelho, manuscript found in accra

I must admit I am starting to get anxious for feedback and details on what I am thinking is another leap of adventure for me... In one way or another it's been affecting my attitude, stress management and in some cases emotions as well. I have to keep reminding myself to stay patient, bear with it, keep focused and continue to positive. The most important of all, is to stay put and comply as usual. It's no excuse to try and escape on some tasks and get irritable when not getting away with it. Unfortunately, I've fallen into this self-trap several times. Patience...

The minions survived the outbreak!

Well sort of...

Last 04.13.2014, we had an awesome time during a fun run all thanks to Outbreak Manila BGC 2! It was my first time to run and luckily I did not get injured to ruin the experience for me.. The zombies were too many and too hungry for those health flags it's really a wonder how you'd survive the 5km path with at least a single health flag remaining. From the start of the race, we realized right away how we can't be complacent and not run for our lives. I've ran a 5km fun run before but never did I have to dash every so often... In the end, we decided to just enjoy it and have our pictures taken with the zombies. It was also cool that many people (zombies included) found our costume cool enough for them to ask to have their pictures taken with us. Haha

All in all, for me it was worth the fee I paid (and my sister who also enjoyed it greatly) to join this race. Maybe next time, it will be a good experience to join as zombies...

Alternative retail therapy

I have this friend who is collecting lego minifigures and I've accompanied her countless times when she goes to the different toy stores on an almost daily basis to check out their stocks and see if they have something for her that she could add to her collection. Not once was I enticed to buy one for myself until I tried to get her one abroad but a dear friend paid for it so I decided to keep one for myself as remembrance.

Fast forward a few weeks since, nothing new was added until I got into the hype of getting a chicken suit minifigure.

Then a few days after, since I am a bit stressed and therefore hyper-sensitive and emotional I decided to visit a toy store to see if they have anything that I find cute (ex. i was keen on getting the brave character). You see, I don't plan on collecting but somehow it kind of feels nice to buy those cute ones if they were available. Who would have thought I'd hit the jackpot and the store carried an older series, series 6 to be exact, the one with the sleepyhead! Not only that they just restocked! I had to restrain myself from getting a lot but somehow I still ended up with 4... Since I can't really shop right now, this looks like the (cheaper) alternative for those moments when I feel like indulging or rewarding myself... (Perfumes or sunglasses or watches are way outside of my budget right now...)

Back to basics

Among the many things that the leap of adventure I took beginning last year has taught me so far (really it acted like a catalyst to speed up my learning and help me catch up in maturing), there are still a few changes I'm beginning to realize now.
Over the weekend, and last Monday, I found myself being grounded enough to enjoy just food tripping at the kiosks or just sitting at the food court. While trying to pass the time before our outbreak run (more on that next time), instead of being at one of the fast food chains or trying out the latest craze in the area, me and my sister just bought some snacks at the food kiosks and sat at the mall center to enjoy our food. By Monday, I did the same and the funny thing is I was enjoying it. There was a time, that I'd cringe if I had to eat at a food court. To me it felt like, depriving yourself too much. I guess it also had to do with the fact that my parents didn't oblige me to be responsible for anything huge and I wasn't really focused on saving. Sure I'm frugal and a spendthrift but there are things that I was sort of sensitive about and thus spend money on.
Because, I had time to spare before I met up with my other friends for dinner, I thought of ways to pass the time. I tried window shopping but in the end gave up and decided to just sit down at the food court again, doodle with my phone and wait. As I waited, it hit me, that in the past this was definitely not how I would behave. I would either find myself in a coffee shop or go shopping to pass the time. Amazing how my spending habits are changing due to that investment which is eating up a chunk of my salary. I can still manage but it feels different not having the same amount of money which used to be just extra. I did play with the thought of shopping but just imagining the boxes and luggage I haven't fully unloaded and tidied yet was enough to discourage me. I've accummulated so much stuff I need to sort through. So for now, it's simple living and back to basics for me.

Scent hunt

For some reason, I've been wanting to get a new perfume but I didn't know which one to get. Sure I'm a fan of Perry Ellis 360 and Issey Miyake or also of Clinique Happy, Incanto Charms and Light Blue but since last year I really wanted to try a new one. Just this March I did happen to go through the ICN duty free shops but none really caught my attention. Maybe partly because I was looking for Escada Taj Sunset which unfortunately as confirmed by a friend when I asked her to look it up for me in SG (they say it's a bit cheap there) is no longer available. I came across this while I was out at Funan square with another friend back in SG last 2011 and the scent just sort of stuck with me. I was on a business trip back then and I couldn't really shop due to the nature of the trip.
Then I told another friend about it and we ended up looking for recommendations online, narrowing down the list to 5 based on the descriptions, reviews and popularity:
1. Chanel No. 5
2. Gucci Guilty black
3. Escada
4. CK Euphoria
5. Bvlgari Jasmin Noir

He willingly indulged me by going with me to a department store and sniff them out. The sales clerks were kind enough to accommodate us as we figure out which scents were good and which weren't. There were a few other good recommendations but I've sort of forgotten them as two stood out, one more than the other.
1. Chanel No. 5 is not really my type or suited for my age.
2. Gucci Guilty Black - all it took was one sniff and I knew this was good and one smell I'd really love. It was sweet but it still was unique in its own way.
3. Escada - they were good but they couldn't really compare to #2 or maybe I was still hung over when I checked them out.
4. CK Euphoria Forbidden - loved the scent and a cheaper alternative for #2.
5. Bvlgari Jasmin Noir - not my kind of scent again.

There were some that seemed good and light enough as a summer/day scent but I was hooked on 2 and 4.

Too bad, my birthday is still a couple of months away and I couldn't really bug people to get me either. At least now I know which one I'd get given the chance (aka budget). :D

Life's lessons from a hit tv series

Managed to catch up with latest episode from the latest season (yay!). Well until last week that is...

3 Cs

Choice
Chance
Change

You must make a choice,
To take a chance,
Or your life will never change.

Everyday is a challenge and an opportunity. There are safe choices and those that require us to come out of our shells and take leaps. It's a matter of perspective, however. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the Cs I made that they will pan out, God-willing.

Disaster waiting to happen..

So clumsy klutz and stupid me strikes yet again leaving battle scars behind. My lower back still hurts. I've got bruises on my knees and a nasty wound-scar just above the bridge of my nose. Never mind that I also cut myself. It's like I'm either a disaster waiting to happen or a magnet for one.

Beyond the physical though, what irks me the most right now is the emotional imbalance that resulted out of plain stupidity. I guess it could have been worse: accident/disaster but sometimes I wonder who's to say accidents are that bad. Those accidents or misfortunes that we think of may actually be blessings in disguise (ex. the abrupt end of my assignment). After all, as I've said it's also about adjusting and making the most out of a situation.

Unfortunately, at the last minute, my guard/wall came down (again) and I found myself weak and vulnerable. It's a good thing, I was able to pull through and played it safe... Else, I would have ended picking up shattered pieces... Again. They say there's two sides to a coin and if I hadn't played it safe I'd be either torn or broken (go figure!). Kind of a lose-lose situation if I stick to the thought that I deserve better. IMHO, it would have been the latter, broken from rejection (again) and of another kind which was new and foreign to me. Gah! Obviously, I'm hating myself for that.

Don't get me wrong, I know my place and very well my worth. That's why I know this moment of weakness won't last long... It ain't my loss.

For now, stupidity strikes again... Grrr...hopefully, next time lightning na (kung sino man)...

Bloom where you are planted

While many may say high school was the best time during their younger years, mine would have to be college. I enjoyed college (and the years directly after it) more than I enjoyed high school. And a large part of it was because of my university, my peers/classmates who in turn became my closest friends and UP ALCHEMES. All others followed because of these three (i.e. UP PRIME and UP ESC). Amazing how the years have passed and now I am a proud alumna of this organization.

Looking back, my reasons for joining were just maybe to some shallow and random. Back then, the organization was very young and the underdog, the child born out of wedlock as one of my former professors said. Nonetheless, it is where I found what it's like to be a UP student, learning both in and outside of the classroom while having fun.

It doesn't really matter which organization you choose to belong to. There's always something good bound to happen whichever choice you make. It's about trying to "bloom where you are planted." Nonetheless, I am happy with the choice I made and I am very proud at how far this organization has come and is going. The culture and demographic seems to be changing than how I remembered it to be but I hope that the members will keep growing with it while still having fun. College starts to define who you are as you try and enter adulthood but that shouldn't hinder you from having fun. It is still that time to be making those mistakes and being carefree after all. And as the organization evolves, may it still continue to strive for excellence and make a difference.

Congratulations and more power UP ALCHEMES!


SHAPE lives of others. UP ALCHEMES. from Derek Baterisna on Vimeo.
Service is not just something we do...
Humility is not just something we practice...
Academics is not only being promoted...
Professionalism and Excellence are not just ways of life...

They are our CORE VALUES.


University of the Philippines
Academic League of Chemical Engineering Students (UP ALCHEMES)


*Music: 'Paperman' by Christophe Beck

Timing

"Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing"

If I had to learn "everything happens for a reason" the hard way, the end of my assignment is teaching me all about timing... I guess a lot of it would still depend on your optimism, drive to move forward and a healthy+grounded state of mind but somehow this is how things are starting to make sense for me.

When one door closes, another if not a window, opens. I am lucky and blessed enough to have so many doors open for me. Many may say that I need not make a choice right now but then again, there are those that somehow present itself wide open right smack in your path and call onto you... It's enticing enough to make you want to venture into another yet unknown and take another leap of adventure, another chance for exploration, more lessons and living. *fingers crossed. He definitely has perfect timing. Thank You!

"Timelines"
Motion City Soundtrack

Sifting through the broken glass
The echoes of my ancient past
Keep flooding into every pore
Like scattered seeds of sycamore
Suddenly I started wondering how I got here

Was it a matter of time?

Catholic school my private Hell
I stuttered 'til the age of twelve
Discovered sex at seventeen
And soon thereafter Self Esteem
The days did not matter
And years were a lifetime away

Drowning in a heavy stock
Of teenage girls and Indie Rock
I flunked out of each college course
And set my sails for no remorse
The nights were for nowhere
And that's where I wanted to be

Someone said,
"It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing"

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing
Do you ever wonder how you got to here?

Branded, marked and paper thin
This angry saint went marching in
To war with scores of ninety proof
Found nothing but the ugly truth
The decade of wastage an instant
And everything's changed

Woke up feeling 35
Though grateful that I'm still alive
Another chance at normalcy
To chase the dream but now it seems
That days run away like wild horses over the hills

Someone said,
"It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing"

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It's just a matter of time
It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing
Do you ever wonder how you got to here?

Take it in and hold on while you can
All the destruction will one day end
And you'll finally know exactly who you are
It's just a matter of timing

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It's just a matter of time
It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It’s just a matter of time
It’s not a matter of time, it’s just a matter of timing

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
Do you ever wonder how you got to here?

http://youtu.be/FJBqja9Z6Ms

Prayer Request

*posting this nice and apt prayer that was handed out last Sunday at the Blessed John Paul II Parish...

Dear Lord,

I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.

Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said, or thought that was not pleasing to You. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my minds so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me NOT whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And it's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.

I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who don't share. I pray for those who don't believe.

I thank You that I believe. I believe that You change people and change things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love, and joy in their homes. I pray that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this prayer knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than You. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into hearts of every eye that sees it. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Plans

For several weeks now I've been struggling because nothing seemed to go my way or how I wanted... A lot of plans no matter how small would come crashing sometimes at the last minute... Murphy's law has been hounding me it seems.. And sadly my health has been suffering at the most inopportune moment: during weekends. I badly need a break and an escape but even them have to be given up. I am trying to counter all these negativity that's been weighing and dragging me down but so far it looks like this is going to take awhile.
You make plans based on how you want your life to pan out and what your priorities are but there are those moments when life it seems have other things in store for you. It's like a tug-of-war pulling you in another direction. You try and resist it burdening yourself all the more. Giving in leaves you with the feeling of defeat and emptiness. In the end, it's better not to plan anything at all since none of the odds are in your favor anyway to avoid anymore disappointments.
Then comes the epiphany, that light bulb moment when you realize that there is nothing wrong with planning as long as you don't expect it to become an immediate reality. Life throws in a lot of surprises because sometimes our plans are not enough. God has something better for us out there and He wants the best for you, nothing less. Maybe your plans have to be given up because they are too complacent... And maybe there are some things that shouldn't be planned at all because they will just come along. Hope after all is the dream of a soul awake. In the meantime, plan along what you can and where you are being pulled at. And know that, we are all destined to be great! And then who knows, maybe lightning could strike... Hopefully...

My dear, I have to let you go... As much as I wanted to stay and have what was supposed to be my farewell set of awesome adventures, I have to move on. It was really short-lived and I thought that there was still so much more to do and experience. I can't thank you enough for all those moments. It was one of my best years, if not epic. My only regret is not being able to say goodbye. But who knows, I still hope I can visit you some other time... Now, I look forward to whatever great new adventures God has in store for me.

Struggling but lucky

Quite honestly, I am still struggling to deal with whatever has been coming my way since the 4th.. I can't seem to recover that my patience/tolerance is way too low it's easy to trigger the waterworks.. I guess you can say I'm broken for all sorts of reasons right now... I'm just trying to make one step at a time for me but I sincerely hope this will be over soon... I am tempted to give up at times already... Yes, maybe for some I am that weak but I am already trying to be numb and detached still I can take only so much right now..
Nonetheless, I am thankful for my support base - friends and family who I lean on. Although in this case I am trying to deal with it alone and less dependent on others unlike in the past...

Lucky to have sweet, thoughtful, caring and reliable friends... Thanks really!

4.

Since high school, I've developed a particular fondness for the number 4 and considered it to be my lucky number. My reasons were quite shallow but nonetheless I held on to it as my favorite number. I didn't mind that Chinese consider this to be a very bad/unlucky number... The book I'm reading talks of a mental illness where 4 haunts the protagonist and symbolizes death...

Unfortunately for me, this was the date that God put me through another test... I'm trying to be strong and positive about things but so far it's been like one test after another... Everything seems to be beyond me and beyond my control. This is hard especially for someone of my personality who wants to be in control. I can't get a good grip of what's happening... I'm trying to just take it all in being a firm believer of the saying "Everything happens for a reason..". I need to have faith...

I know I can still take it but the only way I am coping right now is by just relinquishing control other than hopefully making that trip to say goodbye... Somehow, things are happening too fast, too soon though for me while I'm still recovering and reeling from that blow. I can't even take a moment to say 'hey, let me take a moment to figure out what I'm gonna do and where I want to go... ' I can't make sense of what's been happening so far. I know it doesn't have to but the fear that somehow the events and decisions being made by others for me right now may ripple into the future... I want to really say, "please enough now, please let me get my bearings first" but somehow I know all the more will there be tests. So, I'm just floating without a backbone... I am so lost, confused, disoriented and trapped in limbo right now. The problem is I don't know how to get out. Even the simple act of making a stand is hard because of my emotional instability and doing so might lead to further disappointments and the like. It's just all mixed/messed up. For now, I have to pray that whatever direction I'm being pushed to will do while I'm trying to figure things out...

It takes its toll sometimes and I find myself emotionally drained. It's overwhelming at the moment and I could sure use some words of wisdom and spiritual advice.

Quite a bad start, 02.04.2013. I will probably forget you but not now.

you live, you learn

It seems that the only way for me to learn some lessons are through some first hand experiences... It's a good thing that I'm relatively a fast-learner..
Still learning, still blooming...
Bouncing back up. ^_^



"Please, please, please let me get what I want" - 500 days of summer OST

A friend (and a former crush) who I don't often see, made a timely comment on top of complimenting me... "ang tatanga ng boyS mo"... Timely, because I was struggling to stay strong and keep my head up during that time. Flattery was a good way to boost my morale. Sure, I may have made some pretty bad choices in the past but I don't have any regrets. Little by little, I think I'm improving.

P.S. this same guy also said that if I came in the picture earlier, my life would have been a whole lot messier... If I understood this statement correctly, then I am somewhat flattered. ahahaha :D

Gravity

2 of my favorite artists, John Mayer and Sara Bareilles, both has a song with the same title. The science maybe a bit complex but the idea that gave birth to this law was quite simple. Legend has it that an apple fell on Newton's head while he was sitting under a tree and the Universal Law of Gravitation was born. Of course, this could be an oversimplification minus the technical jargon and the nitty-gritty scientific details. Nonetheless, the concept is there and applies to our day to day living both in the scientific and philosophical realms.

Sometimes, we move too fast we don't realize we are on the brink of falling. Other times, we crave for adventure and live on the edge consciously. Unfortunately, a little distraction, disruption, among others can easily break the balance. Try as we may to keep things steady one way or another, things just don't fall into place.  But as everyone may have said time and again, that's just the way it is.


keep it steady

Even as we fall, get sucked in, lose balance and stumble, we have to accept that it is through those that we truly experience life. These things make life beautiful and wonderful, happy and amazing, diverse and miraculous.


falling is natural...

I have fallen many times, who knows how many more times I should fall... Standing up is quite a challenge but honestly, I couldn't really ask for more. I am too blessed, God has been so good and life is just too damn beautiful.

Sara Bareilles sings about gravity being the unwavering attraction from one person to another that cannot be denied. The attraction sometimes being too much bordering on obsession that freedom from it, is yearned. John Mayer sings about gravity being that which brings us down - any man down. As we acknowledge its power, we should try to balance swaying and fighting it while remembering to stay in the light. Maybe it's about getting a grasp of what's important and what matters most to us... so we can stand back up.

Keep falling. Not every fall is the same because each time you stand up, part of you is already different.

Past and Future

"Never let your past experiences harm your future. Your past can't be altered and your future doesn't deserve the punishment."

It was thought to be a story of young love notwithstanding the test of time. Born out of college, their paths instead of merging ended up diverging in a not so good way... I saw how a heart faltered and got swept away in another direction many times... Then in the end, neither of them couldn't deny the good from their past. It became a story of overcoming and looking beyond the sorrows of the past and more to the future. After 11 years, including the two years of self-discovery, they find each other making it through.

A late shoutout to a very good friend and confidante. My friend, I am very happy for both of you. Now, you get to spend the rest of your lifetime with your wife who is your past, present and future...

Saying Goodbye to 2012

So apparently, 2012 was a leap year. I've forgotten about it until I read another customary year-end post from an acquaintance. Looking back, 2012 was indeed a year of making leaps for me - leap of adventure, love, and life.

Coming to Korea and spending most of 2012 there was quite life-changing for me. In many ways, it has triggered me to come out of my shell and take several other leaps. I wouldn't be where I am right now, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and spiritually if it weren't for Korea. It was not love at first sight, however. If I had to write this post during the first quarter of my stint, it would have been filled with everything negative. I got my heart broken twice, almost ruined my career,  felt alone, helpless and terribly inexperienced with "independent living", cried buckets (almost every night or every other night), struggled with the language barrier, the inefficient and extreme workaholic (but disorganized) work ethic - a taste of the OFW life. How sheltered, naive I have been and life has been pretty easy for me back home. I quite honestly thought it was a very bad decision (if not one of my worst) to take the assignment and for the most part cursed it. I wanted to escape it so bad (hence almost ruining my career). You don't really realize how lucky and blessed you are until you go through the pain, sorrow and hardships.

Paradigm shift. Then everything turned and now I am a firm believer of the saying "everything happens for a reason". God has been and is so good in taking care of me, I can't thank Him (and His instruments whether people, things or experiences) enough for always being there for me as He continues to teach me lessons - helping me grow as I experience life. The second-half of the year went by as if I was in a dream that coming home felt like waking up from it. Just when you thought that you have already experienced a lot that you are at the plateau of life - you realize there is so much more to experience, feel, meet and do. You start to fall in love with life all over again and suddenly think as you look back how you've lived a monotonous and boring life during the recent years. It's like starting to live more: I started to "dance" Kpop, "sing" without the influence of alcohol, be "physically active", do photo shoots (a little frustrated on this though), get wasted so bad, cooked, all the personal and attitude adjustments. I know I am still a pessimist but somehow, I'd like to think that I'm becoming more mellow. As I experience pain, I heal in a beautiful way by turning (trying very hard through the help of friends and loved ones) it into a positive experience. So far, it's by looking forward on the benefits that keeps me going. Living in Korea has been one of the best decisions and experiences in many aspects for me.

As I've mentioned in my FB post, "2012, you've been great! Definitely no regrets... I'm ready for you 2013! And to everyone who has been part of this awesome 2012 (especially new friends), thank you! Cheers for another great new year!"

I hope especially for my friends that 2013 will be another great year for us and that we will always be able to overcome and look past the pain, sorrow and hardships - that somehow everything will be alright and turn out for the better. May we always be on the lookout for opportunities to take leaps whether of faith, love, adventure or life in general. And when that time comes, we are ready to take the risk (while keeping in mind and heart the lessons learned). Carpe Diem!