La la la love

***because I'm just a sentimental drama queen

My dearest Jed,

As I write this you are sleeping on another side of the world. I just wanted to freeze this memory, this feeling, this thought. We have just watched a movie earlier and the day before that. I was bitchy and we've misunderstood each other. You've spent time with me.

For some reason, I'm very emotional this last couple of days. Yes, I do have my mood swings but you've been very patient and for that I am very grateful. It's a never ending learning experience but I'm glad I'm doing it with you.

I remember a time when I was thirsty and hungry for those 'kilig' moments and for that I may have overlooked the little things but those little things may be the ones that actually matter. I'll probably want and look for those from time to time - being the sentimental romantic that I am and also because I'm just like any other girl. Hopefully, it will not consume me.   (Subtle hint in that statement though)

You also once said that you have to hold back and be creative to set the expectations right. I do agree with you on that. But maybe that should not keep us from seizing the moment and expressing ourselves. While we look to a lifetime of adventure, who are we to say how long this will last. It's so easy to get caught up and lost in the daily grind and future planning when everyday in itself is a blessing. I am guilty of this myself. So here I am writing you this letter. What(ever) I think of doing, I will not hold back too much just to save it for another day - for special days. Everyday is special - if I forget that, remind me please. And for those really special days - we probably know this by now, somehow, some-way, we always think of something, we always outdo ourselves and even if we don't then we go back to page 1, the little things.

I love and miss you so much Jed. It's been a journey - being in this LDR with you. What a ride! While I still may end being paranoid and 'taray' at times, if we have that mutual respect, care and love  then we can pull through. I am honestly scared knowing my mood swings but I believe it will be fine because it's the two of us and together we can do this - with God's help. He's been with us through it all.

I love you and I'll see you soon!

Yours,

Joyce

relationship 101

if there's such a course I would have probably flunked it already. I don't know when I will get it right or have it figured out but sometimes I just don't feel I'm cut out for this. I'm too bipolar that I can't find the middle ground or maybe that's just what I need someone who will balance and take that journey with me of getting to that middle ground.

It's funny how when I start to believe, when I start to think and pray that I have found someone- the one, when I start to trust, when I start to bare my soul, when I yield control and guard for some reason, I don't stay in that stage that too long and I find myself crawling back into my shell. Maybe this is hinting me at some thing. "I need to be with myself and center..."

Can I really do this? To what extent?

this quote ran through my mind once more which I found over the internet space, so credit to the person who came up with this:

"On what expense does a man bare his soul to woman he does not intend to keep?
And on what expense does a man keep a woman he does not intend to bare his soul with?"

That discussion about third parties, cheating, mistresses, failed relationships, expectations has got me thinking. Maybe if I have this much doubt or fear and if I can't let go, release control, bare my soul without cowering back to the shell, then maybe I'm not meant for this or maybe it's not for me or I haven't really found the one. Being bipolar and going through this sine wave of emotions sucks. I really just want to be still sometimes.

Dear Lord, you know deep down what's in my heart but you also know what's best for us. What we yearn for may that be in alignment to Your will and plan. Please continue to guide, protect us, and keep us in your love and make us strong to fight against temptation and evil. Please forgive us from our shortcomings. And may I learn to relinquish control and entrust myself to you and to what you have chosen, your plans and your will. Amen.