on a roll...

noticed that my previous post is soooo long! pro since im so in the mood pa rin to "blog" despite the fact that i have a report to finish pa and have to be in school again by 7am... new entry naman...

still have to decide sinu-sino mga iboboto ko sa USC... weird this year coz dami independent na nag-run tapos they almost filled up all the slots... and then they signed pa a manifesto of unity tapos hawig pa mga name plates nila... hmmm... fishy?... normally hanga ako sa mga independent pro i'll reserve muna my judgment for this case... ok sana ung lone "independent" na nde nag-sign ng manifesto of unity... pro anyway, kulang pa ako sa kilatis sa iba...

X-DAY last Friday sa Sunken and super enjoy... saya manood sa kanila(kasi nde me nakasali) especially dun sa command and conquer!:D sarap din maglaro ng frisbee!!!!:D and sarap din ng food na ipinakain ni Mark Frias sa open haus ng Molave(first time ko makapasok sa dorm/open house!!) :D

last Feb. 19 pla, sobrang saya din coz 1: ALCHEMES/talents' night ng mga apps. and sort of hindi paalam ang ginawa q, nagsabi ako kina mama na may pupuntahan ako! wow, akalain mo! :D ehehe ;D wla nmn naging angal e... yes improving!!! :) and then, since the car that i'm using wasn't fixed until way past 7pm, was a late comer... as expected simot na food na hinanda ng mga apps... sad... when my parents asked me how late i'll be staying i just said 12midnight. although the night before/two nights before when cha, albert and i ate sa kenny sa katips nagkayayaan na na mag-fair after. actually, karamihan kasi talaga balak mag-fair after since last night na un. syempre excited nmn ako coz finally after 4 years makakapag-fair na rin ako. :) anyway, the apps' night didn't end until around 11pm na ata. and when we headed for sunken garden, astig ang haba pa rin ng pila!!!! pro dahil mga taga-UP kami at makakapal mukha namin at mauutak kami, nakapasok nmn kami din agad... tapos na nga lng ang sugarfree at mongols ata... sad... nag-enjoy pa rin nmn ako coz naabutan ko pa naman ang Moonstar88, may isa pa na hindi ko maalala at PArokya ni EDgar na tumugtog ng mga bandang 3am na... ung vocalist daw ng Kamikazee ang nag-sub kay Vince(damn i'm so lousy sa mga bands!!)... syempre tinugtog uli nila ang HALAGA na fave PAROKYA song ko! :) nagtsubibo din kami nina cha ehehe:) kakatuwa lang :) at may 2 babae (na akala ko nung una e lalake) na jologs ang nag-away at nagpagulong-gulong sa may harap namin! astig! pro kinabahan ako dun in fairness!! :D at yun, hindi ko na hinintay ang Kamikazee kasi past 3 na ay 12 lang ang paalam q... although wlang text nakokonsenxa pa rin ako kaya ako'y nagdrive na ng mag-isa pauwi. sarap magdrive ng ganung oras kasi alang traffic! sobrang bilis ng biyahe... anyway, konting pagalit/paalala: "wag na mauulit" etc. IMPROVING tlaga tsong! :D basta ang saya! :D

ok ang Constantine, Lemony Snicket's nmn!:D may game ba jan?:D

ayan, sa wakas speechless na... time for me to rush our report... ehehe;D

a look back...and ahead...

been out of circulation for sometime... aside from being so so so very busy, naubusan din aq card... wahehe!:) nah! just so happened that when there was an opportunity to relax and just laze around, i did just that... channel surfing to the max as if i haven't seen any shows for ages, and then sleeping like a baby!:) plus mama got this exercise machine din(mainly for her pro to encourage us din daw to exercise pra "healthy") hehe:) kaya nax! may 10 minutes kuno daw me na nagpapapawis!:) ehehe:) anyway, sobrang daming stories... missed blogging...kya here i am making up for "lost time"... *wink*(comics?!!nyahahaha)

the campaign is almost at its end, we have just barely half a day and then the meeting d avance... and for me this experience is one that i will always cherish and hold dear... taught me a lot and sobrang daming "manual and theoretical learnings" ahehehe:)

after the "crying ladies" episode where i lamented on our status (na kami ni cha ang magkalaban) on the elections, come Monday(feb. 21) sobrang iba ang feeling... iba ang aura namin na mga PRIMEmates! as if super narecharge and refreshed, ang saya2 the whole day! we went to a lot of classes pro todo ang energy at ganda ng mood. nag-improve din mga "spiels" namin! and hindi namin ganun naramdaman ang pagod! tuesday and wednesday though i wasn't able to campaign that much... pro nagpa-grill kami in preparation dun sa "dreaded experience" namin... ang pumunta sa "other org" where we were expecting not just to be grilled but to be roasted! frustrating ang outcome nung grilling namin sa org nung tuesday! as in! kaya wednesday night, we personally asked byron, ate kim, khulz and jp to grill us for the last time... dun kami sa may grand stand sa may sunken nag-stay... campaign mode kami and they acted naman as if they were from the other org pro grabe sobrang laugh trip in between and most especially after!!! the best impersonations nina khulz and byron!:D the best din mga lines ni jp!!! we were laughing so loud to the extent na we felt na invade na namin "privacy" ng mga "sweethearts" sa sunken! wahehehe!(as if we cared!hehe) anyway, we stayed there till sometime before midnight coz cha because of her dorm's curfew can only go home ng 12 midnight kasi she missed ung 10pm na "closing".

thursday, "the dreaded day", was M.I.A. sa beta epsilon tambayan the whole morning because our circuit for our 2nd design experiment in EEE1 wouldn't work out accordingly(got a free ride to C.P. Garcia pla, thanks to Mark! sa uulitin!:p). anyway, issue nmn sa beta epsilon tambayan pla ung resignation ni limuel from PRIME... issues issues... oh well... sure hope he's not being selfish and emotional coz he's not the only one that's being affected by the issue... kami din as his orgmates... his org... and besides, everyone had to sacrifice something in one way or another for our candidacy and the campaign... anyway, skipped my 4pm class so that i'll be able to support our Standard Bearers tsaka sort of makausap si cha and maiready ang sarili coz org to org na... sobrang ok sa CURSOR kasi we felt that they were listening and asking not just for the sake of it despite the fact that all of their candidates are running under another party... plus andami din nilang inputs and insights...after CURSOR, they went to UP SAVER afterwards EMC(squared) naman and then.... whew! tension building... we had to excuse ourselves(or rather make takas) from the line sa EMC(squared) to buy water and pee... on our way back people from the Tau ALpha tambs nmn asked us when daw kami campaign sa kanila... cha endorsed PRIME sa kanila... found the situation amusing kasi, another party is under their wing in the same way na PRIME is under Beta Epsilon... :) anyway, after our "grilling" sa "other org" grabe iba ang feeling ko... was more than happy... basically for the very reason that i was able to face one of my fears and the "other org" was more than obliged to make my experience very memorable...

wla ung ineexpect ko na maiiyak ako, na feeling ko they will just ask us ALCHEMISTS kasi wla lang, na wlang kwenta na andun kami kasi they won't vote for us at all... na out of formality na lang na we have to be there... na because we ran it was something we knew we had to do... but no! somehow i felt that they gave us a chance, the opportunity to hear us out... that they may consider us when they cast their votes... sobrang overwhelming and sarap ng feeling... sobrang bilib and saludo ako sa ginawa nilang iyon not just samin na reps but sa SB 's din!if only the same could be said sa ibang orgs... i just hope na it wasn't just for show... kasi if ganun... who knows... sobrang elated ako kaya naman i felt na wlang sayang... win or lose sobrang winner naman ako sa mga naranasan ko... Lord, thank you...

certified PRIMEmates: (ESC)

Chairperson: Rhet de Guzman

Vice-Chair: Alou Lim

Councilors: Chemay Avena, Limuel Agdon, Mark Frias, Albert Payapaya

ChE representatives: Me-anne Asis, Cha Binza, Joyce Demetria, Cel Dimagiba, Nat Tiano

EEE reps: Stella Gatchalian, Winston Sumalia, Mark Tan

CE reps: Julius Calubayan, Cherry Mateo, Jayson Valderrama

MMM reps: Marianne Polinga, Ricci Juan

IE reps: Joanne Nario, Yna Ramos, Khrisna Soto, Anj Visaya

Grad rep: Leanne Munsayac

March 1, ESC, USC, ALCHEMES elections!

***prayer: "Dear Lord, let your will be done... may those who will be elected will perform well and deliver more than the kind of service that is expected from them...May they deserve the vote that they will get. Send your Holy Spirit to guide and enlighten each and everyone of us, candidates and voters... may there be an increase in voters' turnout...Thank you Lord for being with us every step of the way...***

we are family! so proud of my brother ryt now! got in UP, Ateneo and UST lahat quota courses and first choice! asteeeg! tinalo ang ate!:) ehehe:D

efforts all in vain?

*should be in school right now pra mangampanya. pro still not done with the take home exam and besides i need to extend my sleep naman for once from just 2-4 hours a day to at least six naman* *sigh*

to say that my week has been so far hectic is an understatement. Monday - campaign, Tuesday - campaign plus consultation for report, W - campaign again + supposedly oral report(but was moved although i had to prepare the night before) + EEE exam, Th - campaign again and CE 22 exam. and today campaign still + the take home exam... so almost everyday was in school from around 8am to 7pm. the earliest i got home was 8pm? whew... and to add to my hectic schedule was fatigue, stress, exhaustion, frustration and pain...

vulnerable, emotional, and combustible... simple things can provoke/prompt me to cry... v-day i nearly backed out on my candidacy because i felt i coudn't take it any longer... but my friends' and UP ALCHEMES' support prevented me from doing so... they have faith in me and i coudn't possibly let them down... besides, it is a challenge i decided to take on and from the beginning i was well aware of the hardships involved and the sacrifices i had to make (acads?)...

but the real story behind the tears is on the fact as pointed out by Jose during our GA last night and the grilling session of us PRIME ChE reps, sa amin na 7 na naglalaban for the 6 slots for rep, given na ung 5 sa kabila... at kami ni cha - kami dadalawa na nga lang na tumakbo from UP ALCHEMES - ang magkalaban for the last spot... *tang-ina* masakit isipin na dadalawa na nga lang kayo, kayo pa ang magkalaban. although syempre sa pananaw ko hindi tlaga kasi magkakampi kami... umalis ako ng GA na malungkot sa realidad ng kasaklapan ng kinalalagyan namin, hindi lang ni cha, kundi ng ALCHEMES, na sitwasyon. umalis ako na mas lalong humanga sa presidente namin, na kahit ganun ang sitwasyon alam ko na tama ang desisyon nya na hindi mag-block voting. at hindi man naramdaman ko ang concern nya pa rin sa sitwasyon... ika nga nya: good luck/ kaya natin ito... sobrang mahal ko na talaga ang ALCHEMES...

it is that fact that hurts... it is the fact that all these: pain, hardships, haggardness, exhaustion, campaigning, etc. seem to be futile that tears fall. it is hard coz you know you have to campaign but you know very well as well that you're not getting any votes through it for the election is rigged and you know already who'll vote for you. lahat ng pagod at hirap, pagbagsak sa exam kailangan danasin but is it in vain... still part of me hopes not... UP ALCHEMES thanks for the support and being my family in UP. Cha, kaya natin to. sa kin, hindi ikaw ang kalaban ko. sakin magkasama tayo... ***pakshet ang emotional ko tlaga! kailangan maubos ko na ang luha ko before kami magpunta sa kabila mamya. God help us. sana kayanin namin...***

diz z it!

akalain mo v-day na! but no! that is not what we've been anticipating... instead it's the start of the campaign! starting to feel the jitters na tlaga! although everytime na may rtr/grilling kami nahihilo ako, iba na to. kasi totoo na to... mas may malala pa ba sa hell week? malamang ito na un for me... i've got a report due tom(which i still haven't started), oral report on wed, exam on wed, exam on thurs, take home exam due on fri. at campaign period pa. ewan ko! ano ba isisingit ko? campaign o acads? ah ewan! since last week i've been so stressed/frustrated/sad because of all the workload, the fatigue, the pressure, the not-so-good (ugly) exam results! sana lang mag-improve na. at the end of the day i know there'll always be something, some reason to smile pa rin... (joyce, ginusto mo to!) waaah! brainwash daw ba ang sarili! this is what i get for being so bitter on being single this valentine's day! naghanap ng excuse pra by choice na NBSB wahaha! nah! pro pede rin! wahehe!:)

***sometimes i feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear

and i can't help but ask myself

how much i'll let the fear take the wheel and steer

it's driven me before

and it seems to have a vague haunting mass appeal

lately i've been beginning to find that

i should be the one behind the wheel

whatever tomorrow brings i'll be there

with open arms and open eyes

whatever tomorrow brings i'll be there...*** ~Drive/Incubus

****PRIMEmates!****

grilling

must say pretty much nothing has happened to me in the past few days... really...

acads: natatambakan na ako sa trabaho. and it's really getting scary coz im afraid exam results won't turn out to be favorable... waaah! *says to self: stress reduction, time management, BALANCE!

lovelife: ummmmmm..... well, medyo alienated ata ako dito sa ngaun e. unless, cowards count! duh!!!

career: ito ang malala wla talagang trabaho dito. well for instance, i was in school last Friday until 10pm for the planning. come saturday was back in UP at around 730am for the UPALCHEMES medical mission. super enjoyed it though!:) sayang tumulong. although may panic attacks, hehe. (side comment: BP ko daw e around 90/50!) and then yesterday, cha and i met up with the Dept. Chair, Dr. Peralta, to consult our SPOA. and i skipped class because of it!!!! good thing my professor in EEE1(the one i missed) did not check the attendance and dismissed them early(actually my plan was to come in 30 mins. late like around 3pm, but they were dismissed early. 3pm to be exact!hehe) anyway, come 530pm it was time for the UP-PRIME meeting again. we talked about the issues, the possible questions that could be thrown at us, yada yada. the pressure/tension is really mounting. our SPOA is neArly finished so by the time they gave us some well time to focus on our SPOA's we had nothing to do. (edits and revisions were courtesy of moi - para maayos-ayos nmn ang maipakita kay Ma'am Peralta). and then came the grilling part. was pretty scary and unnerving but during the actual grilling, we found out that it wasn't really that scary. you just have to take their advices in a well-meaning way. besides their insights will really be of great help. it will help us improve and do better next time and especially during the campaign period itself. GOD BLESS US.

and so my day ended at around 11pm(when i arrived home) and i have to stop typing now, coz i'm running late(again!!!) for my 9am class. (my only class for the day).

it's ash wednesday today. and it's also the chinese new year!:)

bound

** Fair play is more important than winning. What persona do you want to project? **

found it in my yahoo daily forecast. seems pretty apt esp. now n i've decided to run as ChE representative for the Engineering Student Council. wla nang atrasan ito! nakapag-file na ng candidacy!

anyway, super loaded with work ngayon pa lang, even though the campaign period hasn't even started ramdam ko na ung pressure. medical mission(UP ALCHEMES), GPOA/SPOA, exams, reports, papers! whew! *sigh* this is really going to be tough! hopefully i'll make it through. besides, this is going to be good for me coz this is just a glimpse of what is to come if ever elected. kaya ko ito!

i don't know but somehow in a way, this candidacy is making me act responsibly now(yes tao lang, nadedemonyo at nagiging deliquente, tinatamaan ng katamaran). I'm thinking that not just because i took this challenge my studies/acads will have to be relegaTed to the background! NO! that can't be! i wan't to graduate on time. although, i'm not really hoping to receive honors come graduation time (CUM LAUDE), as much as possible i want to keep my grades up above 2 if i may add. As of last sem i have taken 127 units all in all and my over-all GWA is around 1.752. sayang naman! pro it's getting harder and harder to get a "good" grade lately...

ok so anyway, i have to shift back to "work" mode. we still have to fill up our "credentials" form later and consult with our organization adviser to gain some insights on what projects we can include in our SPOA (specific plan/program of action).

P.S. nung una hindi ako masyadong kinakabahan sa campaign kasi naka-focus pa ako sa pagbawi sa mga exams (esp. sa EEE1, bagsak ako sa 2nd long!how sad!) pro ayan, mej ramdam ko na rin kaba. should be prepared for questions like: "why are you running?, what is your stand regarding the new UP budget cut?, anong mas gusto mo tae na lasang ube o ube na lasang tae?, etc." ciao!:)

Losing My Religion...am I?

I took home over the weekend our organization's logbook (a.k.a. Julaflor - opo may pangalan ang logbook namin) to catch up on the latest cheesermax and tidbits of my orgmates' thought process. You see, a logbook is basically a huge notebook where all members of a group(or organization for that matter) can write anything he/she feels like writing (the back pages are reserved for song lyrics though). Anything from greetings, solicitation, invitations, horoscopes, sentiments, announcements, advertisements, journal entries, etc. Of course, all members are entitled to read it as well and give comments which may be constructive or harsh. Well anyway, before i digress any further, I had a lot to catch up on and one of the topics of discussion there caught my attention. Naturally, I have already written my short piece in response to the issue. It was about religion, and how a certain member's faith was shaken upon reading the Da Vinci Code. Another one narrated how he almost became an atheist upon entering UP (despite being an "altar boy" - Byron kaw ba ito?).

Needless to say, I too was rattled/disoriented upon reading the DVC(to verify check my xanga site, if i'm not mistaken i posted something about how bothered i was there). My belief and faith was tested. there are certain points there that defiantly opposed what i have believed in for 20 long years. For 20 years, I've been a Catholic - a PRACTICING CATHOLIC. For 4 years, I've been in UP but not once was i tempted to be an atheist. This though may be due to lack of exposure to atheists here who reputation has it can make your beliefs turn 180degrees with their arguments.

I am aware however, of the inconsistencies, the scientifically acceptable explanations to the miracles. I know for a fact that history is biased with respect always to the viewpoint of the ruling class. I know that the Catholic Church especially its Popes committed grave mistakes in the past for self-preservation. I know that the Koran stipulates Jesus Christ as being just one of the prophets. But I certainly wasn't aware of the "status" of Mary Magdalene.

I didn't turn my back on religion because of what i read, instead i just turned cold, calculating and somewhat rebellious. I questioned the homilies of priests. I questioned the Litany. I questioned the "devout" Catholics (Kris Aquino?). Naalala ko ang mga sinabi nina Hermann at Pat noon, hindi sila practicing Catholics kasi hindi nman kailangan. KAsi may mga tao jan na sobrang sunod sa mga sacraments (pati novena pa minsan) pero outside the Church e taliwas naman sa mga itinuturo/utos ang ginagawa. And i thought about people my age: engaging in PMS, hooked on drugs, making fun of other people but come worship day you'll always(without skipping a beat) see them there even lining up for communion. I asked how the hell can they do that? and when no answer came, i found it a lame excuse for my flaws. (if u can't beat 'em, join 'em-or something to that effect). And thus started my being "one" with them. Rather than question their ways, it was easier to just emulate them after all, it was as easy as pretending to hear a sermon but not actually listening. Nevertheless, God still has ways of finding a lost soul. Old habits are hard to break.

Although I still have issues, i've realized (clearer now) that i need Him in my life. Though i may try to deny it, it is my faith and belief that sustains me. During my darkest hour, it is Him that i seek. In Him, i find ways of getting back up on my feet again in the proper sense/direction. There is solace with Him around. And life is certainly more meaningful. as one member said, (rephrased) God or prophet, Jesus, is one to be revered for imagine the millions of lives He not only touched but saved as well because they believed in Him. He certainly moved and moves mountains not in the literal sense, generations after generations since He last walked with us.

"to each his own". I certainly believe that we are all entitled to our opinion and i firmly believe that there should be mutual respect of beliefs. though hounded by issues and controversies, i am in no search for a new religion. For me there is no such thing as a SUPERIOR RELIGION and what matters is that we make good use of what's been given to us. (although what's good for one may be detrimental to the other). Maybe to some what i've just written here is senseless or shallow. maybe it is a waste of time or just a reproduction of what's already been said by a culture or an expert. but heck should i care?

Fiction is fiction and I am certainly thankful to the book DVC for opening my eyes, disrupting my "religion's" equilibrium - but more importantly for inspiring me to read more in order to know more...

***there is room for mistakes but none for making it a habit and making excuses for it. it is acknowledging a weakness and then taking corrective measures that makes a better person in the same manner that "courage is not the absence of fear"***

****God, thank you.****