Losing My Religion...am I?

I took home over the weekend our organization's logbook (a.k.a. Julaflor - opo may pangalan ang logbook namin) to catch up on the latest cheesermax and tidbits of my orgmates' thought process. You see, a logbook is basically a huge notebook where all members of a group(or organization for that matter) can write anything he/she feels like writing (the back pages are reserved for song lyrics though). Anything from greetings, solicitation, invitations, horoscopes, sentiments, announcements, advertisements, journal entries, etc. Of course, all members are entitled to read it as well and give comments which may be constructive or harsh. Well anyway, before i digress any further, I had a lot to catch up on and one of the topics of discussion there caught my attention. Naturally, I have already written my short piece in response to the issue. It was about religion, and how a certain member's faith was shaken upon reading the Da Vinci Code. Another one narrated how he almost became an atheist upon entering UP (despite being an "altar boy" - Byron kaw ba ito?).

Needless to say, I too was rattled/disoriented upon reading the DVC(to verify check my xanga site, if i'm not mistaken i posted something about how bothered i was there). My belief and faith was tested. there are certain points there that defiantly opposed what i have believed in for 20 long years. For 20 years, I've been a Catholic - a PRACTICING CATHOLIC. For 4 years, I've been in UP but not once was i tempted to be an atheist. This though may be due to lack of exposure to atheists here who reputation has it can make your beliefs turn 180degrees with their arguments.

I am aware however, of the inconsistencies, the scientifically acceptable explanations to the miracles. I know for a fact that history is biased with respect always to the viewpoint of the ruling class. I know that the Catholic Church especially its Popes committed grave mistakes in the past for self-preservation. I know that the Koran stipulates Jesus Christ as being just one of the prophets. But I certainly wasn't aware of the "status" of Mary Magdalene.

I didn't turn my back on religion because of what i read, instead i just turned cold, calculating and somewhat rebellious. I questioned the homilies of priests. I questioned the Litany. I questioned the "devout" Catholics (Kris Aquino?). Naalala ko ang mga sinabi nina Hermann at Pat noon, hindi sila practicing Catholics kasi hindi nman kailangan. KAsi may mga tao jan na sobrang sunod sa mga sacraments (pati novena pa minsan) pero outside the Church e taliwas naman sa mga itinuturo/utos ang ginagawa. And i thought about people my age: engaging in PMS, hooked on drugs, making fun of other people but come worship day you'll always(without skipping a beat) see them there even lining up for communion. I asked how the hell can they do that? and when no answer came, i found it a lame excuse for my flaws. (if u can't beat 'em, join 'em-or something to that effect). And thus started my being "one" with them. Rather than question their ways, it was easier to just emulate them after all, it was as easy as pretending to hear a sermon but not actually listening. Nevertheless, God still has ways of finding a lost soul. Old habits are hard to break.

Although I still have issues, i've realized (clearer now) that i need Him in my life. Though i may try to deny it, it is my faith and belief that sustains me. During my darkest hour, it is Him that i seek. In Him, i find ways of getting back up on my feet again in the proper sense/direction. There is solace with Him around. And life is certainly more meaningful. as one member said, (rephrased) God or prophet, Jesus, is one to be revered for imagine the millions of lives He not only touched but saved as well because they believed in Him. He certainly moved and moves mountains not in the literal sense, generations after generations since He last walked with us.

"to each his own". I certainly believe that we are all entitled to our opinion and i firmly believe that there should be mutual respect of beliefs. though hounded by issues and controversies, i am in no search for a new religion. For me there is no such thing as a SUPERIOR RELIGION and what matters is that we make good use of what's been given to us. (although what's good for one may be detrimental to the other). Maybe to some what i've just written here is senseless or shallow. maybe it is a waste of time or just a reproduction of what's already been said by a culture or an expert. but heck should i care?

Fiction is fiction and I am certainly thankful to the book DVC for opening my eyes, disrupting my "religion's" equilibrium - but more importantly for inspiring me to read more in order to know more...

***there is room for mistakes but none for making it a habit and making excuses for it. it is acknowledging a weakness and then taking corrective measures that makes a better person in the same manner that "courage is not the absence of fear"***

****God, thank you.****