FML Day (1 for 2011)

It's another one of those FML days... Though I've made a decision that there should be less negative vibes this year, this early I'm so having trouble trying to keep up... I need this change so much but the situation is testing me much more than I can handle... 
I hope things start to look up because I'm really drained... To the point that I want to disappear if that's the only way to make everything go away... I guess it's also due to the fact that I have trouble turning my back on it even though I'm worse than an urban poor struggling to make ends meet... i keep wishing for more time but it's such a luxury right now.

Hopefully, this outburst makes things a lot bearable for last me this week. WTF, please be kind... I probably need to seriously consider my options soon...

On another note, somehow I find pictures as a healthy diversion... i love it actually.

Online diary

Chanced on some of my posts dating way back 2004 and amused at how much have changed and have managed to stay the same.
The style of writing has changed somewhat and so did the topics or subjects(i'd be too biased to say that it has improved). However, for the most part it's the same old mundane day-to-day personal experiences that wouldn't exactly interest anyone out there. It's way too emo and personal mostly. Hopefully I get to improve on that. But what the heck this is my blog and it's not like i'm trying to earn money through this.
Tumblr is still way too tempting though...  a friend had a point though I need to upload pics on time before i sign-up for another account...

Shared songs

A lot of songs remind me of you and the imaginings in between. When I do nowadays, instead of tearing up like I did back then, I smile. I guess I am living up to the saying: "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

I will admit I kind of miss them myself but can you blame me?Iit's not often that anyone stirs up that sort of emotion from me and make me think it's real. It's been a while after all and the latest at that. The take away is at least even if for only a fleeting moment, i was happy, and i felt loved. I have to keep the faith though and remain optimistic. I receive what is given and savor what I got. After all I am blessed and should be grateful. In His time...

"time I have taken
I pray is not wasted.
have i already tasted
My piece of one sweet love?"

***different songs remind of someone different sometimes.

Firework

I didn't really mind this song when I first heard it or the next time after that, or the next, or several airplays later. To me, it was just another Katy Perry song, catchy. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against her songs, it's just that you hear them too often on the radio, a lot of them in fact to the point that I don't feel the need to get my own copy anymore. You see, hearing them on the radio once in a while is enough. For me the whole point of having your own copy is when you get into this mood where you want to listen to something. I guess Katy's songs never fell into that category for me.

But then, I started really listening to this song... and when the meaning of the song dawned on me, I couldn't stop raving about it. I had to share it to well my facebook network. haha Well, apparently, there were a couple of us out there who thought it was just another catchy Katy Perry song (possibly a love song). Little did we know it was more than that. Soon after that realization, this was my morale and stress booster.



Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper-thin
Like a house of cards, then blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you?
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah!",
You're gonna leave 'em all in down-awe-awe

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane, comes a rainbow

Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time you know

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
You're gonna leave 'em falling down-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time you let it through-ooh-ooh

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
You're gonna leave 'em all in down-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon




Apparently, that's not the end of the story yet for this song. Enter Boyce Avenue's cover of this song. It's not just a morale booster anymore. It's now a love song that can turn you into mush. (at least for me that is).


Isn't it obvious, I just love this song?! :)

Planning for 2011

Because they said that resolutions are more or less empty words, I'll opt to say that thus far these are the plans for 2011.

1. Smile more. Stay positive. Less "sungit". I can't say less stress but hopefully more grace under pressure.

2. Continue saving and maybe start investing in something-anything.
Since the business/franchising option is a bit on the difficult side and I hit a wall on that last year, I'll try a different approach. first step done. Now the hard part understanding how it works and actually starting with it.

3. Diversify. Explore alternative options.

Right now, I have zoned in on one possible option for me. I am still groping around on how I will be able to go about this though. I am very much interested and somehow this is something I figured would work and is doable. *fingers crossed.

4. Indulge while still keeping up with item #2.
This part I would say I have real trouble right now. My savings are actually at stake right now because of this. I think even if I forego one trip I am still not sure how I'll be able to manage without compromising my savings.
For starters, there's the Sagada trip which hopefully will push through. Maroon 5 concert on May (but we intend to book as soon it is possible, starting January 20 to be exact). HK trip with Mama. This is a special request by Mama, for me to treat her on a trip abroad. Of course, how can I not give in considering the fact that I also want to go someplace too. Problem is I'm spending for two this time and not just myself. If for myself I can easily manage but for two hopefully I'll be able to pull it off. Worst case would be I'd have to loan from my savings.  All these expenses need to be paid at barely the end of first quarter so good luck to me.

5. lovelife for 2011. hopefully all that positive energy will help to make things be in my favor but God-willing of course. I don't want to force it, anticipate too much and get too anxious about it. I am just hoping that it is time and I'm worthy of that one great love which I've been hoping, wishing, praying and waiting for. Hopefully, I'm also capable of it.

A wish. A hope. A prayer.

Lord, I do not trust this heart of mine. I humbly ask you to guide and lead it to where it belongs. May that be in the arms of another. Whatever your will though may I be mature enough to accept and follow.
Grant me the patience to keep on waiting.
Grant me the wisdom and knowledge to discern well.
Grant me the courage to take that leap.
Grant me humility to accept flaws.
Make me worthy of that which i ask, wish, hope and pray.
Amen.

*hush now my restless heart. No need to falter and wander for God makes all things beautiful in His time.

Capitalist

A rant post.

You would think that once the technology gets older, more stable and at its peak or ripest,the price to pay would become cheaper. Apparently that does not apply everytime. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that profit (as a result of increased demand) would overrule the logic regarding technology and pricing. Some even say that what is currently available to everyone is actually 1 or 2 (maybe more) generations/versions behind what is being developed and explored. Marketing strategy so not much we can do abOut that. But I only wish some entities like Globe don't rip off their loyal subscribers. I don't understand how the rate from 5php for 30 mins mobile internet has become 5 for every 15 mins. Can somebody please explain that to me? Honestly I don't understand other than it being a means to increase revenue and milk subscribers of their money. But seriously even broadband internet has become accessible, faster fOr the same amount or less. Given that our infrastructure and technology a third-world country like ours is way behind, the cost shouldn't be that much for these carriers. Oh well, i can only but rant and say so much. Maybe wish that the game changes but in the end i have no recourse but to follow suit and become enslaved in Globe's green-eyed ways. As the song goes: "it's all about the money". You can only do as much but need trumps pride and complaints.

december 2010

Let me start by saying december 2010 was fun. I probably had way too much fun even i ended up drunk when there's alcohol involved. I don't regret it but I do feel bad for my internal organs. Definitely, I need to sober up. For some reason I couldn't distinguish between being tipsy or being drunk.

12.04.2010: Weddings kicked off the month where we ended up attending two weddings in one day. It would have worked well if the venue were in close proximity to each other. As it is we had to run off from tagaytay to fernwoods on a december saturday. I'm probably getting old as the drive somewhat drained my energy. In any case, it was fun as both weddings were beautiful and i'm grateful to have been invited to witness the milestone event in their lives.

12.11.2010: after a year of hiatus due to the recession, the company again hosted a christmas party. This signalled the start of my craaaaazy antics when drunk. This defined my drunken state this month. Somehow i am glad though that it was that rather than being the crying lady. No emotional burden at least that's what I think.

12.18.2010: We almost spent this night drowning in Sofitel's famous buffet but unfortunately some 400 people trumped our reservation. Good thing there was this Promo at intercon otherwise we might have ended up in kamayan. The night was capped by a videoke session. This time i didn't get drunk. The only time where alcohol was involved where i didn't for this month.

12.19.2010: mafioso christmas party with college barkada. Tagaytay. Taboo. Poker. 1 liter Cuervo. 2 cases gps. sake. Bulalo. Exchange gift. Much loved friends. One great night! And because our two ofw friends' dinner treat was too much i managed to drink more than what would have been my drunken limit. I could still feel its effects the night after.

our good friend jose (almost always present)

the tagaytay "iconic" shot

12.22.2010: shopping for gifts with che and carlo. Labor of love.


12.24.2010: Cold christmas with the family up in baguio. Chillax. Eat. Pray. Love.

12.30.2010: HS Christmas party. Oh yeah i ended up drunk again. Haha it was apparently my first time with them that's why they were a bit surprised. Getting drunk was not something new to me. I forgot that it's my college friends that are used to it and have been caring for me through my different drunken states.

do i look drunk?

Cheers 2010! It ended with a bang. May 2011 be mine and grant that one wish finally... I hope really, really hope...