Relocation Diaries: Entry 5 - LDR, (repost)

Major hugot.

[repost]
"LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP"
Para lang 'to sa taong matatapang.
Yung tipong sobra ka ng nahihirapan at nasasaktan, pero patuloy ka paring lumalaban at walang sawang naghihintay kahit gaano man ito katagal hanggang sa muli niyong pagkikita. Yung bang halos mabaliw ka na sa sobrang pagkamiss, yung tipong gusto mo siyang lambingin pero di mo magawa kaya iiyak ka na lang at pilit mong kinakaya. Sobrang hirap man, di ka pa rin bumibitaw kasi mas di mo kakayanin kapag tuluyan na siyang mawala sayo. At sa kabila ng lahat, pinipilit mo paring maging matatag. Ganun talaga. Mahal mo kasi, mahal na mahal mo.
Para din ito sa taong marunong makuntento.
Na kahit marami kang pwedeng makitang "mas" pa sa kanya, hindi mo parin siya lolokohin. Na kahit pwede mo din siyang iwan o ipagpalit sa iba dahil sa milyang distansya niyo, hindi mo pa rin ginagawa dahil alam mo ang salitang kuntento. Yung bang marinig mo lang yung boses niya sa phone o di kaya’y makita mo lang siya sa webcam, masaya ka na. Nabubuo na ang araw mo basta’t nakakausap mo lang siya. Yung natitiis mong walang physical contact, walang yakap o halik basta’t naipaparamdam niya parin sa puso mo yung pagmamahal niya sayo, sapat na yun. Ganun talaga. Mahal mo kasi, mahal na mahal.
Tiwala talaga ang kailangan sa isang long distance relationship. Dahil sa tiwala pa lang na maibibigay mo sa kabila ng sobrang layo ng agwat ng distansya niyo, maipaparamdam mo na kung gaano mo siya kamahal. At dapat meron ka ring nakalaang oras sa kanya araw-araw. Oo, araw-araw, dahil sa malayo ka sa piling niya kaya kelangan mong iparamdam na nandyan ka pa rin at gusto mong maging parte ng araw niya. Siguro sa sitwasyong ganito, pwede mong sobrahan ang pagmamahal mo. Para siguradong aabot ito sa kanya lalo na’t kung dagat ang pagitan ninyo.
Tiis tiis lang. Sabi nga nila, "Good things happen to those who wait".
[repost]

Tears of love

Beneath the sometimes snobbish or complacent exterior lies a softie. The softie who sheds tears when she's hurt, extremely angry, in pain or less often overjoyed.

Today, she shed tears of love, of that overwhelming feeling of loving someone and of being loved, of that attachment, of need, of longing, of gratitude, of hope, of optimism, of being touched deeply as far as her soul and not just her heart.

If there is a someone for everyone, maybe my someone has arrived. Thank You Lord. You do make things beautiful in your time.

These are tears I wouldn't mind shedding, they're definitely not a waste. Now, I wish I can touch his soul the way he touched mine. How do I even top that?

Pop Jedi

So, I reached my limits last Wednesday and the anti-social tendency kicked back in. I read this article about so-called ambiverts and I could totally relate. I guess I am an ambivert or selectively social. I know what I needed to do and that I will be ok. I just have to keep fighting and finding ways to improve. But that day I just wanted to disconnect so bad and recharge. My patience was so thin, that I was a walking livewire but somehow several rants to supportive loved ones, walks around the driveway/the apartment, and tears later I survived the day.

There's something about either eating or shopping that has an uplifting effect. But since I'm having trouble managing my finances or figuring out the budget as of the moment due to the move and relocation, I ended with the next best thing - funko pop!

I've been trying to restrain myself from buying and collecting these cute things. I've stopped with the lego and I'm not to keen on starting a new collection. I've been successful so far with some exceptions. For one, I just had to buy honey a funko pop batman. Believe me though I've been resisting the urge to buy the rest of them and use hon's fondness of batman as an excuse.

Then last Wednesday, I took an out of ways trip just so I can buy Luke Skywalker (Jedi). I am no star wars fan and there's only one reason why I bought it. I thought if I'm going to get myself one, this may just as well be it. But oh boy, I took some time in that small stand putting stuff in my basket and putting them back again at the stand. It was just too hard not to buy more. But my 'kuripot' nature eventually prevailed so I didn't end up with more to start another collection. Whew! The trip was worth it though, a sort of retail therapy.

Oh, the things you do for love or when in love.

Relocation Diaries: Entry 4: first month

Apparently, I've been here for a month and so far what have I been able to accomplish:
get a car - nope
move into an apartment - nope
buy the furniture, arrange the utilities etc. - nope
get a driver's license - nope

in short, none so far. And I am panicking a little right now with the things I need to do (and remember). I'll take them one step at a time and hope I finally get to mark them off my list little by little.

But that's not why I squeezed writing this entry. It's more on the realizations that hit me everyday. Really, the heart sometimes take a while to realize what the head knows all along. Keeping it together is hard. There's still so much to learn, to balance, to adapt, to handle things properly. I hope and pray it will work out in the end. I am both sorry for my error in judgement or clouded thoughts/hurtful words and thankful for the patience and understanding. Love is indeed a crazy thing.

and yeah, as the song goes, I miss you like crazy...

Relocation Diaries: Entry 3 - Plans

Last Sunday's homily hit me in a very personal way. It was about instead of making Him our secretary taking notes of what our plans are, we should ask what His plans are for us and seek/consult Him if our plans are aligned with His. 

It goes well with this message I got earlier today from a friend:

"Happy Tuesday, everybody. Here's a snippet of my devotional today that I want to pass on to you: 

"God may not have fulfilled the promise in your life because he’s waiting on you. He’s waiting on you to learn to not fear, not fret, not faint, not forget. He wants you to learn that before he delivers you.

God can do things immediately, but he’s working on a larger agenda. The delays that come in your life do not destroy God’s purpose. They fulfill God’s purpose in your life."

The verse that goes with this: "“I will bless the Lord and not forget the glorious things he does for me” (Psalm 103:2)""

...

Being a logical, analytical person, I can't help but struggle when I don't understand.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Relocation Diaries: Entry 2 - Distance

Travelling has been a common part of my life mostly because of work and it has taught me a lot of things. The experiences all have helped me to become the person who I am now. I know for a fact though that not everyone wants to travel for work and be away from home frequently and for prolonged periods. Back then I didn't really fully understand and felt what the deal was. To me it was an enriching experience and that the distance shouldn't put so much as a strain on personal and family life.

Ask me again now, and somehow I have a slightly different perspective and a better somewhat understanding on why especially married couples or those with children are hard to persuade to leave home. While it hasn't been that long for me, just 22 days, there is someone back home that I'm terribly missing. Now I start to understand why they say Long Distance Relationships are difficult. Difficult yes, but not impossible. I am holding on to that, we are holding on to that.

I didn't get those couple selfies. And then I ended up having a couple of them myself. This was probably our first one together.

There are pros and cons to the set-up. Of course, the cons are more obvious but for the pros an example would be, you try to spend more time and talk more with each other. Conversations being the bulk of the bonding and quality time together make you become more expressive, creative and less secretive than you would (like the guessing game women usually like to play).

Right now, on another side of the world, we are marking our 2nd month together. Oh yes, monthsaries! It's really funny how I used to raise my eyebrows on these type of things. But right now, I am just thankful of where we are right now and that we've gotten to this point. Counting your blessings and being grateful of them.

Honey, thank you for taking care of me and my heart so far. I love and miss you so much. I am really looking forward to spending time with you. May He continue to bless us, our relationship, to make us patient and strong, to give the wisdom and strength as we continue this journey. The past two months (and the months prior to that when we were still "dating") have been a happy and a learning experience. Happy 2mo! May the 4th be with you! :P until the next months. :)

another selfie when he went with me to the embassy on his birthday. :)

Stop and smell the flowers

Once upon a time, a guy friend gave me and another single lady flowers for valentines day back in 2013. I asked for tulips (not exactly a favorite but was just being random), she got stargazers. There was supposedly a trend for he gave another lady flowers before and she ended up being in a relationship sometime after. He is married but we sort of bully him that way. 

A year later, I was so over the heartache, I moved roles and got busy with travelling mostly for work that I was away for that week. He too was travelling frequently which didn't allow for as much gossiping as before. But when I got back, I saw a lone wilted rose at my desk with a note.

The gesture was much appreciated so as the note. I know a lot of my friends are just rooting for me and my happiness knowing what I've gone through which is not really much but they probably thought I deserve to be happy just as much.

A year later, I went digging through my stuff and found the note again. Coincidence or not, it still makes up for a good story.

For some reason, someone got me flowers not exactly on the day but I count them anyway. And some days after that, and some more days after that... And I ended up taking a leap and giving my heart to that someone. :) 🌹🌼💐🌸🌷😍😘❤️💓💞💘💋💌

Thank you friend and of course honey! :)

Relocation Diaries: Entry 1

So, it's been a couple of days since I've officially moved out of my parent's home. It took me many years but the catch would be I just not moved out, I moved several timezones away from home. Armed with two suitcases, I once again braved the unknown to step out of my comfort zone.

While stepping out of my comfort zone is nothing new and I know of its benefits and rewards, as always there is the struggle. I am not sure whether the struggle now is easier or harder than when I temporarily moved to Korea where mostly everything was provided but I couldn't communicate much and I was pretty much left on my own to figure things out without much Filipinos in sight. Or when I have to basically figure out most things on my own from the apartment to the car, etc. to get settled. While there is some sort of a Filipino community here that I know I can just seek assistance from, I still somehow feel isolated. Probably I unconsiously set some expectations and I don't feel the support and welcome right now. I know I can do this. I know I am strong and I'll get over this - that things will come together eventually but it's just awfully lonely and I wish I somehow feel some support and assistance.

You try to be there and be supportive, trying to sustain the emotions in the best way you can but right now I wish I can lean on someone more than anything. All part of the adjustment I guess.

James Morrison - Love Is Hard

And it kicks so hard,

It breaks your bones.

Cuts so deep

It hits your soul.

Tears your skin and

And makes your blood flow.

It's beter that you know,

That love is hard..



Love is hard, love is hard.



If it was easy,

It wouldn't mean nothing tough.

Gifts

They say it is better to give than to receive. Indeed, there is a sense of satisfaction and happiness when you get to share with family, friends and strangers through giving whether material or immaterial (like time) things. Beyond that, I was reminded that the joy in giving also lies on seeing your gift well appreciated. It is in spending time to look for a gift, hoping that the recipient will like them and then seeing the happiness and excitement afterwards by the recipient. Giving gifts is not just the monetary value but in the time, effort and thought that was put into it and having those well-received. I've forgotten this unfortunately because I've ended up having to buy generic gifts for friends and cash for family for the most part in the past years. It was to avoid the stress and to make it easier rather than "wasting" something on what they eventually don't need/like. I guess as we grow old, we tend to get picky or complicate things. Thanks to a friend's daughter who was so happy and contented with a simple gift of bubbles, I was reminded of this thought and feeling. Maybe that's why they say Christmas is also for kids. Give a kid anything wrapped in a package and it will paint a smile on their faces regardless of what's inside.

"Open Possibilities" - Jan. 3, 2015. PET bottles recycled and installed as dandelions. #CY365

Jeje

While on vacation in Seoul, my brother overheard a group of Filipinas speaking softly and referring to our group as jejes. I must say I got affected badly and it took a while before I got over it. I was pissed off for having been judged and I was concerned on my appearance straight away. Vanity got the better of me and the nasty judgement left me feeling insecure, unfortunately.

Then it got me thinking about the fact that being affected and feeling bad about the judgement also doesn't make me any different. I was feeling bad because I was also judging the so-called jejes. I wasn't any better at all and being unfair myself for wanting to be disassociated from the term, for being unwilling to be called as such. I have judged and labeled negatively as well. Thanks to this realization though, the mistake was acknowledged and it was easier to let go of the comment. So what if they thought we were jeje. Maybe we are, maybe we're not. To hell with the labels. This is who we are, what we want to wear, what we're willing to spend our money on and how much we can spend. No need to feel insecure. You are who you are. If we judge on the outside all the time then that's just being too shallow and superficial. 

Everland x3

It's funny that even though I've been to Everland thrice: first during spring, then autumn last 2012 and now winter 2014. I've only managed to try out three rides: T-express, Double Rock Spin and Rolling X-train. Tulips are featured during spring then roses in autumn but come winter it seems it's Christmas and all the lights/illumination. 

I chanced upon a way to get discounted tickets at around 28% cheaper for a day pass than the standard 20% discount for foreigners by presenting your passport at the information counter/ticket booth for foreigners. However, this required buying them at the cosmojin tour office in Seoul first. Unfortunately for us, we ended up being way behind schedule after our failed attempt to attend the midnight mass at the cathedral. We ended up having to visit everland almost close to 6pm. Everland sells afternoon tickets for around 38000 KRW (as of 12.25.2014) and I wasn't too sure if the foreigner discount can still apply to this afternoon rate.

Thanks to my curious sister we ended up with the same 30% discount for the evening pass, that is 27000 KRW each. To get this discount we just presented the korea grand sale 2015 coupon at the information counter and that was it. 

I'd say it's not bad at all in comparison to the 30,000 KRW entrance only. It's probably best to still raid the brochures/information desk in case of any deals from time to time. 

Anyway, Everland did extend the hours from 9pm to 10:30pm when we visited on Christmas day probably due to the throngs of couples that went to visit but we opted out. I decided to take the unconventional way going back to Seoul which was to board the 1500-2 bus, get off at AK plaza stop. Walk a few meters to the bus stop for buses 9401,9000,9001 and M4102 which makes a stop near to the Myeongdong cathedral at Seoul Paik Hospital Pyeonghwa Broadcasting Corporation. It's probably a longer route but lines are shorter and seats are more probable. I'm not sure how it would compare in terms of getting to Seohyeon via subway though. Probably something worth a try next time (but it would require 2-3 transfers and a bus ride just to get to Myeongdong).

'Old' friends

Reunited with a few of my really good friends from back in college during this weekend in KL. While many things have changed and many have stayed the same, one thing's for sure, we have grown up or turning into "adults". Here are some recollections, realizations and afterthoughts for this weekend:

- We are scattered around the globe that get togethers are harder to organize and have fewer attendance. Back in the days, we'd be spending summers and Christmases together.

- Those summers or Christmases usually were accompanied by alcohol. Not anymore.

- Finding an activity becomes limited to somewhat boring ones. What used to be anything goes will have to be carefully considered if everyone's up to it and if we are too old for those kind of things. For example, a game of laser tag or ice skating to pass one afternoon of. It has something to be out of the ordinary or unusual ex. Skating in Finland may still be something of interest. (Hi Cy!)

- An evening out usually involves minimal alcohol and at lounges at the most not clubs. It's more for social drinking and having a conversation over alcohol not for getting crazy/partying. It's still an option once in a blue moon maybe but not as much.

- Conversations with old friends are more relaxed and laid back. You can openly discuss your feelings without too much fear of being judged and you can expect them to be honest with you anyways.

- You start to look back on your past adventures and reminisce a lot. 

- You may drift apart in the future but these are the friends you are really fond of and would like to keep. :) 

Cheers! Until next time my dear friends!

Losing a passport

Never did it occur to me that I'd end up losing my passport at the airport. It's probably lucky that I realized that it went missing just some minutes or so and some distance away from where I would have lost it. You see, I realized it on the taxi on the way to the hotel and I definitely remember having it up until the immigration counter. There wasn't that many places to trace your steps and recall where you may have misplaced it.

I almost lost or thought I lost both my phone and camera back in Japan last August. Sure, it induced panic and a sense of loss on a personal level. Losing a passport was pretty much the same but it's not as easy to just try and let go. On the point of crying, you are prepared to take any steps to just try and recover it. For a drama queen like me, keeping my composure was tough. I travel alone many times for work and I may have gotten used to it so much I may have become complacent in some aspects already. However, with losing a passport you sort of lose your identity in the country you're visiting and you can't imagine not having one.

So apparently, when you do lose one, you have to file a police report. and then use that police report for checking-in temporarily until you visit your embassy so they can issue a temporary passport for you.. I'm not sure what would happen next after that as when I was just starting to draft the police report someone returned my passport at the information counter. Thank Goodness!!! Lucky day, even the police had to say so... I did ask them about the chances of recovering the passport (short of asking for the cctv footages). Guess the odds were in my favor... Thank you Lord!!