stalker mode!

i just have to post this!!!!

so i just learned yesterday that subscribing to email alerts from multiply is actually equivalent to me having viewed each and every single new post of my contacts! to think that all along, i thought i was abstaining from multiply or rather cutting back on my "multiply addiction". what the heck! i feel such a stalker tuloy! (caught in the act-I'm innocent though honest!) so will this make me unsubscribe from the email alerts and stop perusing endlessly my contacts' posts? Or probably settle with notification alerts regarding "what I've missed"? NOT! hahahaha =)

on other news, I now have a copy of hip-hop abs! whopee! thanks cy!!! let's see what'll happen! (i do hope i allot time for it! KATAM stay away from me!!! hehehehe)

jitters...

stressful days here i come...
again...

aside from the stressful days ahead, i'm dreading the change/adjustment i need to make... if i am to be honest right now, i really feel that my world will shrink... of course, i don't want that to happen because maintaining the bonds that i have established so far is one of the things that keeps me sane and happy not to mention somewhat satisfied with my life. if it weren't for them i'd probably be sulking over my status. yes i may have anti-social tendencies but it's different when you have the ability to decide about it than when you are left with no choice. This will probably be a test on how strong the bonds are but I don't think I am ready for the outcome. This is a classic example of resistance to change. I am satisfied with the status quo that if possible I want things to stay where they are right now. I hope things will fall into place both at work and outside. Friends, should I be on MIA just holler! I'm just on the other end. =)

pardon for the dramatic post. deep inside i really fear i'll lose touch esp to some... I really don't want that to happen coz i really value the bonds i have right now. To all my friends, thanks so much!

where are you? for some reason today i miss you...
i've kept my heart locked up somewhere inside me
away from a stranger's grasp
will it continue beating
for you
for who
for a someone
or will it die
time's running out
is it turning to be a hopeless case?

"Am I supposed to be happy? All I ever wanted it comes with a price..."
looks can be deceiving...

an unlikely combination

somehow i can't get over the dream i had early today. or it was more of a nightmare? again it was so vivid-so much that my emotional state in the dream stuck. Hence, I'm still somewhat burdened/saddened/bothered about it.

sama ng loob

that's what i felt. it was the recurring feeling throughout the dream. and as if it wasn't enough the phrase kept on being mentioned all throughout the dream. either it was a narrator or me in the dream who kept on saying: "ang sama-sama ng loob ko!" It was weird alright but considering the people involved in my dream, i could only hypothesize what the dream really meant.

Many times I've dreamt something so real but then none of them ever came true. Only those Freudian slips which I don't have any recollection of except probably the rare instances of deja vu. So this time I dreamt of another ghost from my past but this time paired with a familiar face to me but not likely to him. It was an extremely unlikely combination. For one, they don't know each other. The ghost, P, is a neighbor and is a few years older (numbers wise). And the "girlfriend" was either a C/K, but the nickname is also a name for snacks. C/K was a batchmate of the same course from college. Now would you look at that.

I guess it only goes to show my feelings deep down as well as the confusion inside. But inspite of this, I can't seem to cry about this though. So this is just nothing. Probably just some reminder that I'm human and is still very much susceptible to pain despite my best efforts to hide and build walls around me...

I am surrounded by people
but I feel alone
I am alone

80kph along Ortigas Ave extension

+ C5 coming from SB silver city = home in about 20 minutes.

that's rare! =)

i miss a lot of food, people, activities, sessions, events, happenings, etc...

Good thing I got to eat in Green Tomato yesterday! Ordered my usual Shrimp Feta. Man, I missed it so much. BUT I still miss the sausage like the one they have in Philam makati... oh well... Wonder if there's TOSH in the ortigas area. missing their elusive aligue pasta... hehehe =) next time! =)


***finally gave in. after 20 days i logged on to multiply again. my motivation? 4 pending multiply invites. but then i just breezed through the stuff in there and quickly logged out. whereas before i'd scrutinize and look at every nook and corner of my contacts' posts... still feeling a lil snobbish on multiply and friendster. hehehe =)

hugs anyone?

just saw this commercial in studio 23 regarding an episode of oprah which features "free hugs"... couldn't help but rewatch the video Free Hugs Manila, Philippines in youtube:



thanks to chay, a previous officemate who shared the link sometime july. felt touched the first time i watched the video. yes, there was some nostalgia and reminiscing too because most of the scenes were shot in a school/environment that's all too familiar and the moments/times/memories it represents - UP Diliman... having watched it again, it still sort of strikes a chord and maybe i won't even grow tired of it.

btw, just found the link of the origin of "free hugs":
i've never really been a sweet/demonstrative person. As such, hugging has not really been something i'm accustomed to. well, probably also due to my nbsb status i've never really "discovered" how therapeutic it is. so when i changed companies and realized that for the lady newbies hugging is a habit and is normal i was quite hesitant, ilang and ilag... i am learning and getting used to it though. still getting the hang of it but i have to admit sometimes all we need is a hug... =)

on other news: i got to jog again. this time I jogged more than i walked! yay for me! though i jogged a "lap" less than the previous week i hope i will be able to really make this into a new habit. Hopefully next time, one whole lap of all jog and no walk and afterwards, more laps! *i wish i wish* Next stop, eat less and crunches! >>> i'm going for a tipid way to monitor my weight and form since i lost the free gold's gym benefit since june and i have a hard time waking up early for a game of badminton before work. hehehehehe

can't wait for AR! it's AR season again! AR season 12 and AR Asia season 2! whopee! =)

so what?

sometime this week, i was on my way to the office when a guy's shirt caught my attention. it read:

So what kung engineering ka?

It definitely struck me as the statement was a bit too familiar!!! I couldn't help but read what was written on the back...

Sa M---a ka ba? (or something to the effect na sa m---- ka ba nag-engineering) >>deliberately omitting the other letters to lessen google search hits lest i endure the wrath of many...

WHOA! I think what the shirt was trying to say was the heck with your "course" if you're not studying in their school... wow, the nerve! but that's childish of me to say. Everybody loves their alma mater and school pride makes forums "interesting and fun"... Thus, I won't even contest or anything their claim. Anyway, I am probably not jumping into conclusions to say that the shirt the guy was wearing would probably be some kind of "pambabara" to the Eng'g Angas Shirt. Yes, OUR shirt was intended to be ma-angas but the way i understand it, it was meant for those UNOable courses/subjects where the laudes are plenty... so it was not really meant for "school rivalries" or something like that... I think the shirt was really besides the point!

anyway, ending it here before some chance bloghopper sees this and goes on broadcasting to the groups and then they'll start poking fun at my grammar/comments etc. Too lazy to reread and edit. Just my two cents worth, please forgive an anti-social loner.

other news: Still fighting the urge to show up in ym, multiply or friendster. for now, facebook will do.

against all odds!

it pays to keep your hopes up, until the very end that is the last race to be exact!

He did it! They did it! His chance was slim but he snatched it from the supposedly youngest world champion in F1 history!!!!!!!!!!! woooohooooooooooo!!!!!

Definitely the most exciting, action-packed, full of surprises season finale! Not to mention with comedy on the side-pit lane accidents/bloopers! obviously everybody was tense... you don't need a storm to cook up a good race! what a way to end the season! TEAMWORK and TEAM Strategy paid off!

call me a die-hard but GO FERRARI!!!!

new habit

i'm starting a new habit...it's called physical fitness... hahaha i heard that if you do something about 30 times (if i remeber right), you'll be able to develop a new habit... hopefully, i'll be successful on this one... and hope i have enough gas money to accomplish this...

on other news, i have another reason(s) to be guilty... haaayyyy... oh well... boy, i have a lot of personality issues to resolve...

natural high!!!!!

the adrenaline rush is amazing! it was just a qualifying race but i was literally on the edge of my seat! man, i was near screaming and squirming watching the flying laps by my lonesome self at close to 1am....

almost P1 and P2 for ferrari but then again, hamilton is incredibly and amazingly good at pulling last minute surprise "dash" on the track... guess, it's better him than alonso... but still, red and yellow all the way... anything can happen tom!i'm keeping my fingers crossed!

am i obsessed?
a ferrari die-hard perhaps?
a temperemental (not to mention bipolar weirdo) loyal addict probably...
i love ferrari!
i love F1 (and CSI and Amazing Race)
never fails to excite and jolt your senses!

next year perhaps?
what about meet raikkonen?>>>dream on girl!

qualifying results:
P1-Massa (what's with him on this track? almost as if he owns it!)
P2-Hamilton (oh well...)
P3-Raikkonen (there's still tom)
P4-Alonso (and i thought webber would actually squeeze in!)
and that's about it! hahaha =)
kidding, the rest are here: http://www.formula1.com/results/season/2007/786/6460/

all the best for the ferrari team! =)

heartbeat's back to normal, now i can sleep! =)

heavy heart

i hope this is just paranoia...
this is just miss worry-wart on the loose...
but the fear and negative emotions are haunting me...
i'm scared...
I pray this will pass...
Lord, please help me...

Today I got stuck in traffic. I came in too late for two meetings. It rained just after I parked the car and I cried a little how my day was turning out. I thought I was having a bad day. Little did I know, it could have been worse...
Thank you...
My sympathy and condolence to those who were affected. May all of us find peace and serenity amidst all this chaos. May this event not become some sort of circus and that the truth should come out, no matter how ugly, grave or negligent it is...

I hope I can make amends for all my shortcomings... This time I hope I'll do things right and do the right things...

For the little girl who knocked but I turned away and instead of hating me for being stingy hang the garland on the side mirror, I offer her prayer and apology. I'm sorry I turned her away, I really am. Lord, please bless her and her family. I hope I meet her again and not turn her away. From now on, I won't turn away every less fortunate person who knocks. Why be indifferent? Why be particular if they're healthy or not? Why postpone what you can do now? Maybe I still won't give to everyone because that's teaching/tolerating people not to use their gifts but I won't be as stubborn on this viewpoint this time... A little sharing, a little love...

I hope I can do it...

Like the garland on the side mirror riding the wind along C5, life sometimes becomes too fast... we barely notice we're fading/falling apart.

Extremely emotional is me...

books, books, books...

if i had a lot of time,
if i'd just be a little more patient,
and if i had a little more (ok a whole lot) of extra cash
i'd hoard on books (the hard-bounded bigger ones) and stock em up on my "library"
but i'm just a corporate slave trying to balance bills, clothes, food, trips, and other indulgences and needs...
and my attention span is quite short really... (wish i'd give more attention to detail, read through the dictionary for the highfalutin words i come across)

currently reading:
Einstein's Dreams

yet to finish: (on hold indefinitely)
The God of Small Things
Nanny Diaries
Foucault's Pendulum
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

coming soon: (whenever that is)
The Secret
The Art of War
The Tipping Point
The Road Less Traveled
The Zahir
Eleven Minutes
Freakonomics
Night (Elie Wiesel)
The Lovely Bones
The Witch of Portobello
Like the Flowing River
The Historian
Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking
Lovely Bones
Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

in the racks:
Hundred years of solitude
the alchemist
veronika decides to die
tuesdays with morrie
for one more day
five people you meet in heaven
angels and demons
da vinci code
deception point
by the river piedra i sat down and wept
the name of the rose
Maya
The Ringmaster's Daughter
The Solitaire Mystery
Anne Frank:diary of a young girl
The notebook
the devil and miss prym

i know this is nothing compared to what others have but i don't think i'll qualify to be a bookworm anyway... like my mood, my affair with books is quite unpredictable...

on another note: i will be on this self-imposed hiatus from friendster and multiply... on ym either i'll be invisible and talk to a selected few or not at all, or not online at all... let's see how long i'll last... for some reason, i just feel like "disconnecting" somehow... anti-social is me...

ang sarap umasa...

Simula Pebrero ng taong ito, may mga hindi inaasahan ngunit nakakatuwang nangyari sakin. Kahit na walang kasiguruhan iyon, lubos na akong natuwa na napansin ang aking ipinasa... Malaking bagay na iyon para sa akin. Oo, umasa ako. Bakit naman hindi lalo na't lubhang akong natuwa sa lugar at ninais na lumagi dun? Yun nga ang dahilan kung bakit may uwi akong mga pahina mula doon e... Habang tumatagal parang kabute ang balita ng estado ng aking isinumite doon. Kaya naman, prang kabute din ang aking damdamin sa pagpursige sa alternatibong iyon. Naging alternatibo na lang xa dahilan nga sa pagkamalabo din naman ng mga pangyayari. Kapag may balita, nabubuhayan ang loob ko kapag wala nakakalimutan ko naman iyon.

Huli akong nagkaroon ng balita noong kakalipat ko lang... Ngunit gaya ng dati, malabo ang mga hakbangin noon. Hindi din naman nila kasi matukoy ang aking kwalipikasyon kung nararapat nga ba talaga ako. Kaya hindi din nila ako basta-bastang matatanggap. Nais nila na makita ako at "makausap" sa personal subalit para mangyari iyon kelangan silang mapagawi ng Pilipinas o ako ang kusang pupunta dun (sariling sikap). Ilang ulit na naudlot ang aming pagkikita dito sa Pilipinas, bihira din silang mapagawi gawa ng wala naman talaga silang opisina dito.

*the rest are in my multiply...

paranoia to the highest level

so yeah it was a bad week for me at work... i was quite unlucky and found myself being caught at the wrong place at the wrong time or at the wrong circumstances... oh well... i need to get my act together... hopefully next week will be a better week and my bad luck will wear off...

anything under the sun:
~i think i've had my fill of OH to last me for another few weeks or so again...
~i'm fit to work but with minor defects or whatever they call it... medical clearance here i come...>>> need to seriously consider a healthy lifestyle
~can't wait to start doing laps for free!!! =)
~ang kati ng kaliwang palad ko lagi... hmmmm... hehehehe yey! =)

just a thought...

i've been meaning to write this "thought" that came to me last thursday when I overslept for the two days...

did it ever occur to you that when you are oversleeping you are actually given an extended lease on life? i mean i was not tired or anything nor did i lack sleep the day before but i suddenly had this eerie feeling that i was not supposed to wake up anymore on the second day... oversleeping is not uncommon but i guess it's just another way of looking at things. so that we'll appreciate more the oft-taken-for-granted-things like this one. admittedly there are times I'd take for granted the fact everything can change in an instant. It's like the "the sun will rise tom" statement in philo...

anyway, i'm not being sentimental or preachy here. It's just good to be reminded once in a while and probably enjoy the simple things in life.

here's to life! :)