It's not you, it's me...��

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I a free spirit or a tease? Maybe I am both but definitely a coward. Why am I still single when in fact I have quite a fickle heart... Or maybe that's just it, I do, I can like(maybe a little even more) somebody but oftentimes my mind and my principles do not agree... I find myself let loose on the emotions and control only when the feasibility or reality of it is remote. Once it becomes tangible and material, I run away and hide. But did it ever? Have I really seen and felt it to be just and real? When my mind does, my heart is stone cold or turns to stone... Try as I may, I find no cracks or little but not enough cracks to go forward. Will they ever both agree?
The great wall of joyce - will you even crumble? Will someone even try to knock it over? But even if someone does, if I refuse to budge, just by sheer will it won't. Why won't I? Can someone meet me halfway? Is it really just me or there's not really the one yet? I keep on waiting, searching, hoping but this hope somehow messes things up as well. For as I hope, I keep on being idealistic and looking for that perfect deal, situation, package. Sometimes, it sucks to be me. More often than not, I have not really been able to be true to whatever emotions I may have had-no matter how insignificant. And usually, I end up with pent up emotions.
The one that got away.
The bad boy
-
The emo crush
-
?

*sigh.

Thrill seeker...

Got to experience this new thrill ride at hk disneyland's toy story land. Probably next to the drop at hk ocean park and maybe G-max at sg, this is another favorite. I used to get really scared and nervous before getting into one of these rides but I'd do it anyway. Now, however, I feel so used to it and look forward to the adrenaline rush (in a safe way) that there's not much jitters while in queue.
Ironic how in real life, I cringe at taking risks and go for the safe, easy route.

It's easy to forget...

In spite of, despite of... I am blessed and fortunate enough to be here right now surrounded by family and friends in God's love. Thank you!
Happy thanksgiving especially to those who celebrate it!

Immigration encounters

The first few years of overseas travel was a breeze and I have not had any real negative run-ins with immigration authorities until last saturday. Here's what I've had to deal with so far (the memorable ones):
1. Travelling from bangkok to phuket my last name was misspelled by my friend in the plane booking. This doesn't really qualify as immigration authorities are not involved. Nonetheless, it gave me a scare lest I be left alone in bangkok while all of my friends go island hopping in phuket. Because the difference was very minor, I hopped to phuket without problems.
2. Getting to the US with my visa , the homeland security had to see the rest of our supporting papers due to the 'mismatch' between the blanket petition in the visa and the company mentioned in our invite letter. We had to make a dash through the Minneapolis airport to make it to our connecting flight. Our check-in baggage didn't make it and we had to wait until the next day. Yes, do bring an extra set of clothes in your handcarry. I don't consider this negative, just memorable.
3. During the hk trip with my mom last February, hk immigration authorities had to ask me especially my mom several questions regarding the purpose of our visit. It was a good thing that we didn't book a hostel and have a bit of an itinerary in mind though we didn't really make any arrangements. It was her third time and my second but her passport was just renewed and was thus empty. Our conclusion was that she got considered as a candidate for someone that could be an illegal DH. Maybe she should bring her old passport with her. The hotel booking probably saved us and maybe the itinerary.
4. On my recent business trip to copi-suban, I didn't make the distinction between business and work. Good thing God was there with me and they let me pass with my fumble. I didn't realize you had to be specific. I thought they were one and the same and should do.
5. I looked different probably older as the one in my passport that the officer felt or was compelled to verify my identity. This was on the trip home yesterday. She called me by first name and I thought I heard 'Rowena'. My first thought was did I give her the wrong passport? Of course, that couldn't possibly be the case until I realized she was calling out my actual first name. You see, I am not used to people calling me by that and it's something I rarely use and more often than not only on paper. Took me a few seconds to realize and say 'first name' but the officer let me through.
6. And the most memorable and the only real negative one goes to our own immigration authorities. It's my first time to travel with officemates for pleasure and when asked what our relation to each other us, instead of saying friends we said officemates. Both should have been true but maybe just maybe if we said the former instead of the latter, it saved us some time and BV. After saying officemates, she asked us what we were going to do in hk and then looked for our company id. Can somebody please explain to us, why we should be carrying this around when: a) we don't have an office there, b) it is not considered a valid id, c) we were not travelling because of work but holiday/vacation? Luckily for me, I had mine with me but this only caused her to lash out some more on my friends for not bringing theirs. I said lucky because if I did not cram packing I probably would have also left it at home. The driver's license didn't cut it for her and she gave herself as an example that she always carries hers around. Yes, she was technically working at that time and needed to wear hers. Out came the health card and the valid US visa (which had the name of our company) but she could not be convinced. Our passports have multiple visas on them and several stamps but that apparently didn't help our case. I was waiting for her to ask for our itinerary/hotel bookings but she didn't ask for them. She was too mad at us for not bringing and showing her our company id. I can't really explain her behavior aside from being some form of power trip or making us cringe in case we were hiding something. We didn't really argue that much to avoid aggravating our situation... She was signalling to her colleagues and deep down I was getting scared that they will escort us out. I was considering name dropping if the situation got worse and contacted my dad for back-up. Good thing we didn't have to resort to that and just absorbed her stress and her madness. Whew! And I thought you'd have less problems the more stamps and visas you have...

Must love hk ❤

So i just got back again from hk after just 9 months... and already i'm thinking about going back but only during their 'winter' season. Between hk and sg, it seems cheaper there although more on the chaotic side. The cool weather + outlet shopping is the next best thing to the US black friday shopping for me I guess considering the proximity. As an added bonus, I can use those stockings (though the weather was not cool enough this weekend for that).
Last February, I was with my mom and it was cool enough for stockings on our macau jaunt. The ngong ping+buddha trip the following day didn't require one though.
This time I was with officemates, and we stayed at hk disneyland hotel and butterfly on prat. Because of the late bookings, our accommodations were a bit on the expensive side. Butterfly on prat is a boutique hotel near hotel benito. They upgraded us to suite rooms although on our first night they charged us extra for the extra person though it was already specified in our asiatravel reservation. Too bad though we didn't really get to maximize our stay in the hotels because for the most part we were outside. Maybe a full four/five days need to be alloted so it won't be as tiring. Maybe I can go back to ocean park next time.

Thrice I've been to hk and I haven't really noticed anything that different on the negative side unlike SG orchard road which kind of shocked me comparing 2006 with 2011. Guess I ❤ hk (of course, a large part is due to the fact that it's somewhere around my means). i'd love to be able to visit other countries as well such as taiwan, sk, japan, europe! I wish!

Halloween fan... NOT!

"What you don't know can't hurt you." When it comes to spooky/creepy stuff I abide by this saying. I get so scared easily and my imagination runs wild that it haunts me everywhere I go most especially when I find myself alone. I rarely sleep with the lights out not unless I have company. You can just imagine the ordeal I had to go through and the courage I had to muster while living alone in a 2 bedroom vacation rental in Anna Maria island. Almost all lights were turned on including the LCD tv. It was certainly not an environment/power-friendly way of living but I couldn't bear it otherwise. I have watched none of those scary movies: paranormal activity, the ring, etc. My threshold is that low I guess that innocence is my weapon. That said you could say I am not really a halloween fan. Add the fact that I'm not one of those who goes out to dress up for the halloween parties.

Spending halloween in Austin back in 2009 was different and fun however. While 6th street was normally closed, it was as if almost everyone converged in the streets garbed in/parading their costumes. Of course, there were others like us who just came to see/observe and share in the "festivities". The costume party was not limited in the confines of the clubs/bars. Others were probably content to show off to everyone else their costumes and happily obliged for some photo op. While some were cute (the costumes/the wearer) others were creepy and scary. One was shocking in a perverse way we couldn't post it anywhere. (we took a picture just the same haha).

6th street revelry. good/fun kind of spooky.

We tried to get in one of the bars despite the fact that instead of queues people were funneling into the door. You get squeezed and pushed into the front. A white guy vouched for us at the door and then we were in. Then came halloween's real culture shock. We had fun but I guess we didn't expect that those things you see in tv do actually happen. Given our conservative background, people making out here and there (more than that it seems) was a shock definitely. It was late when we managed to get in, around 1am, but we were in for a treat as just when the bar was supposed to close (they close at 2), it was time for the DST fall back! Everyone was ecstatic of course! One hour extra more to party. Overall we had fun and just enjoyed the night the way we know and do it. Never mind the couple behind us making out by the trash bin. :D

check out the police in horses and the 6th street crowd!

Have some Chicken Rice!

solo order: roasted

I'm not new to SG but it's not uncommon for the family to NOT try the local cuisine when going out. I guess you could say we are not that adventurous. Needless to say, getting a taste of this chicken rice is not exactly down that road but maybe it was just not our priority. Eating was more out of necessity than of getting the whole experience and immersion.
Good thing a friend of mine who happened to be visiting SG the same time I found myself in its soil, paid attention to these kind of things. So there I was one day, in this somewhat out-of-the-way for tourists eatery. Yes, eatery. In SG, wee nam kee is not much of a resto but more of an eatery i think.

wee nam kee SG

The dish was simple but to me it was something new that is a must-try. Actually, scratch that, it was something I found myself craving for weeks/months later. Good thing, they opened two branches here in the Philippines. We got to try the one at Serendra and although it was not quite the same, for me it'll do as I can't afford to just go to SG on a whim based on some craving.

combination: steamed and roasted

So when in SG, have some chicken rice! :)

6 months and counting...

Several days ago marks the 6th month I've been clean. A few days ago, I had this twitter conversation with some of my friends: one who just joined the club and started to come clean and the other who's still hooked. No, I'm not talking about any drugs or such. It's a different kind of addiction, it's one you call social networking: facebook specifically.

Here are some bits and pieces from our twitter conversation:
-"too much trash info, things I don't want to read are popping out of nowhere"
and the rebuttal is simple actually: "declutter"
-"maganda na din na di alam ng maraming tao kung anong nangyayari sa akin... parang talk to me NOT watch my life"
-"I just found myself hooked to watching other people's lives when I should be minding my own, it's liberating db?"
-(my 10 cents) "it's a tool for self-absorption and stalking"
-"Sometimes you just have to be detached and stick to people that matter..."
-"it creates an idea that you need to know other people's lives..."
-"Those who matter knows. Those who don't, don't have to."

I guess we were one of those who misused and abused facebook and became facebook dependents such that the only way to regulate its use is by complete detachment either by deletion or the more subtle one: deactivation. Good thing they have that option. I, however, would like to think that we are not alone in this though. From an april fool's joke, to a form of penance, to abstinence from hearsay and gossip, to avoiding people and therefore from aggravating a bad situation, my reasons have evolved to what it is now. It's all those and then some. My friend was right, it is a liberating experience. Do I feel out of place/outsider? Yes, sometimes but not so much. Do I miss it? Not really. Does it get me when I'm branded as anti-social because of this? Yes a little. It's probably the only reason why I have not deleted it altogether. I am actually contemplating it if only as a read-only account that I can share to anyone especially foreign colleagues/professional contacts who'd like to keep in touch somehow. I am in no hurry though. I'm good.

They say too much of something is bad for your health. Before you fall into the pit of extreme stalking, of extreme showing off and being too self-absorbed to have to share everything whether in words or in pictures, stop. Slow down before you get hooked. It has its pros and cons but for me the cons still outweigh the pros. Thank goodness for twitter - made 'quitting' bearable and easier.

Remembering Ondoy

A lot of Filipinos will never forget Ondoy. It was one of those calamities that placed the Philippines in the global news channels' headlines. Flooding is not uncommon to the Philippines given that typhoons come and go in the country especially during the rainy season. It's not always bright and sunny in the tropics: there's the dry season and the wet season. However, back in 2009 Ondoy dropped a ton of rainwater in the metro than what it's clogged estero's, rivers, drainage systems and shallow lakes could handle. Even those not normally affected by the flooding were taken by surprise. It seemed that everything happened so fast even before people realized what was happening. Our family was one of them.

It, however, was altogether a different story for me. I was on the other side of the globe and though I saw some friends tweets of how heavy the downpour was, it didn't occur to me the damage and the effect it would have to our family. While everyone was struggling to salvage what they can, to stay alive and pray for safety, I was out buying some boots from San Marcos outlets and sight-seeing in San Antonio. It was not until I got back in the apartment later in the day when I was able to hear news of the status of our family/everyone else/Metro. I don't remember being devastated yet at that time although the anxiety and worry was way too high. It was not until the next day after a long drive to Houston that I was able to talk to my mom and hear the sad news/status. Helpless. that's basically my side of the story. You can't help but feel guilty of not sharing the hardship and experience with them. You think about what you can do to help, how they can rely on you as an additional helping hand instead of being out enjoying. Though you try to do your part in whatever way you can, communicating to relatives, providing directions, augmenting financially, you somehow know that you missed out.

There went my car. You can see the roof because it was floating. No one got the chance to drain its battery. (It's been revived and working now though.)

I guess you could also say that we were just not used to these kind of stuff so it was a challenge for us. Filipinos being resilient and all, we managed to pull through. It was a wake up call for everyone I guess - to turn around the bad into something good. It could have been worse, but it wasn't. Bulacan, who's been badly affected by this past weather disturbances will also get up, just you wait. Maybe not as good and quick as how Japan does it but in our way, they, scratch that, we will.

A lot of Filipinos may have been forever marked by the experience, wounded probably but moving forward definitely. I may not be able to lay claim on what happened or relate in its entirety considering that I somehow until now feel an outsider looking in, having second-hand experiences about the whole thing but in my own way as would probably other OFWs out there probably always feel, it was also trying. Try wanting and wishing and wanting to take someone else's place just to save them from the pain, suffering and the hardship and not being able to do anything.

Is the world ending? Maybe, maybe not. Amidst all these calamities and other disturbances I guess we need to be reminded to take every opportunity we can to do and experience what is important, to love, to cherish, to live.

Complicated weird mess

I've built my walls so high and so thick that it's a maze even for myself to get through them. Sometimes, I don't even get me for my quirks and pet peeves that make up part of that wall. I can't help but contradict myself.
I try to see the good in every situation. I try to stop and think although of course they either come in too early or too late. Too early that I overreact when it comes or too late that I've already overreacted. I think too much but not in a good way. I'm too wrapped up in my web of weird, coward, proud, selfish, complicated ways to keep up that wall.
I kind of wonder how can really one get through? Who can get through it knowing that it's me who has to let someone get through it. Do I have to rely on someone finding any well-hidden cracks to get through? So far, my chances are becoming slimmer-close to nil considering my predisposition.
I should probably resign myself to a life of regrets and single-blessedness.

Up in the sky

This world has so many sights, sounds, taste, feelings to offer both natural and man-made that not even a lifetime would be enough to experience them all. Of course, there is that matter of resources needed to do so. One can only dream of being able to travel the world and bask in whatever beauty there is. Opportunities for travel whether hard-earned or awarded/assigned are gifts themselves. However, it can get pretty lonely when doing so alone.

A gaze out the window changes things. One cannot help but feel a sense of awe, amazement, peace and contentment. It's a beautiful world out there. It's the same sky but looks and feels different everytime - one I will not get tired of looking at. Won't you?

Snap for a Tune: Someone Like You

Someone Like You
Adele


I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl
And you're married now

I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, Why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday it was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
And memories made.
Who would have known
How bittersweet
This would taste?

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead




Side Story: A year or two ago, I would have probably cried my heart out listening to this song. I can remember the tears streaming down my face whilst driving in Florida over the haze through a drawbridge with Chasing Pavements in the background. Then there was that California drive with Kathleen to/from Point Reyes with Almost Lover in the background amidst all the trees. Yes, I am that EMOTIONAL. Not right now. Not anymore since quite sometime now. No more tears.

Nonetheless, I can't help but be amazed and love this song for the level of emotion it is able to convey and evoke. The beauty of raw emotion translated into a simple song. "If you sound like that, all you need is a piano". I am no critic, but I gotta say, thank you adele for giving us such songs that somehow break through the songs using similar formula we hear nowadays.

Vested Interest

There are times when it seriously sucks even though you're at the receiving end or more of a beneficiary. The thing is you start to wonder if not for that vested interest what then?
Right now, I start to think about whether or not other than my college friends I have other real friends? I guess it's one of those days where I feel alone and alienated from everyone else instead of appreciating what's here and now. Feeling alone doesn't mean you're actually alone, sometimes it's just simply because you've turned your back on the world.
Maybe I have. Maybe I am.

Fill the gap

A friend was asking if there's anything we wanted to get as she's coming home. Of course, where she's at, a couple of things are really cheaper. I've been googling and searching amazon but nothing interests me so far.
I'd be hypocritical to say I don't want anything. It's possible that I just can't afford or... The things I want to fill a gnawing gap in my life, money just can't buy them...
I need to get a life but how?