again

yep, im at it again. C-R-A-M-M-I-N-G! i know, ang nerdy ng dating coz hello xmas vaca ngaun. pro have to force myself into acad mode na, otherwise sleepless nights na naman. at least now have the chance na bumawi ng tulog. it's 4:30 am na!!! still a lot more to do. all sorts of stuff: school, chores, social, eat, sleep, rest etc. haay... M.I. A. na naman ako mamya sa lakad ng HS friends ko. haay... sad.

pasko na naman

yep, it's xmas once again. sobrang bilis. kinda different for us this year. we celebrated a lil early(Dec. 22 to be exact) coz alis dad ko. sobrang hectic tuloy, after eng'g week xmas rush naman. nakabili naman ako gifts, pro except for the two cd's i purchased wla pa tlaga akong nabili for me-self. hindi kasi ako pede sa rush and dami tao. shado choosy/arte.hehe:) anyway, aga celeb namin coz my dad's not gonna spend christmas and new year with us. which effectively makes me the family driver. hehe:) (kakapagod!am required pa to wake up early!waaah) di bale, may kapalit naman to(sana). sna in the form of a fossil watch, issey miyake, and discman.(hirit pa tsaka new bracelet for my other Fossil watch. ung plastic type kasi xa e mejo faded na. pro ung mismong watch ok pa. sayang naman.) :) anyway, gotta rush. it's almost 12 midnight. (Christmas eve) and marami pa akong dapat batiin. sa iyong nagbabasa nito, merry christmas.:)

last night

at natapos na rin ang eng'g week 2004. gaya ng inisip ko hindi matatapos ang linggong ito ng hindi ako mamaos. for the sake of the org nga naman oo! our candidate, maella jabongga was great! though he este she pla(miss engg nga) didn't receive any award pra sakin the best pa rin xa. proud pa rin ako sa kanya coz no joke nmn ang sumali sa miss eng'g. besides ang ganda nya!!!!!!!!!sobra!kakain-love nga e. hehe:) kakatibo!hehe:) FYI:ang miss eng'g ay pa-contest ng mga tunay na lalaki --->bawal bading! na mag-cross dress at mag-asal babae beauty contest style. ultimo swimsuit meron. o db?:) anyway, at kahit pagod at puyat ang mga tao dahil sa pag-career sa EWOC---pagsali sa minor events, pagpunta sa mga night events at ang sumisingit na academics(hehe), na sobrang nakaka-low batt e sige pa rin sa pag-cheer!yan ang eng'g week. either BSEng'g week ka at lahat ay sasalihan mo na pumapasok ka lang para maglaro sa kung anu-ano or studyante pa rin na may org na tinatantiya kung kailan aabsent at hindi pra maglaro.hehe:) bukod sa nakakadrain ng energy, nakakabutas din ng bulsa. pro kahit na, k lang nmn kasi enjoy naman. and i am really proud of my org because though we missed two night events(indakan and awitan) we were still able to make it to 6th place from 9th place last year! and to think that the ALCHEMES is way too young compared to the other orgs being just almost six years old while the others were like 50, 69 etc. that's the spirit. Our motto for the Eng'g week was ALCHEMES HAVE FUN and we did. there were instances though na napikon kami and medyo "nakipag-away" pro ayos na. nacorrect na ang mali. Still a lot of room for improvement, and talo pa rin kami sa tao kasi sobrang multi-tasking ang ibang mems wag lang madefault sa ibang events. pro it's ok, we're learning and growing. i think that this year's eng'g week performance is some sort of a sign of the potential of ALCHEMES. of course, for the other orgs it doesn't matter kung nasa top ten ka o hindi. hindi hayok kung baga. pro as to whether or not career ulit ang eng'g week next year depends if someone objects kasi sa nakikita ko ngayon, career ulit xa.:)

matapos pla ang announcement ng top ten, sumama muna ako sa orgmates ko sa bonding session. wla lang hehe:) came home mga 3am na... nasabihan ako... hay salamat hindi na sermon ngaun. buti naman mejo nagluluwag na ng konti.:)

finally decided, given the chance ok lang sakin to run for office sa student council. dati i had doubts kasi mej hindi maganda performance ko last sem and tsaka feeling ko matatalo ako. pro ngaun nagbago na oultook ko, k lang kahit matalo ako at least i tried. charge to experience kumbaga. shado kasi ako sigurista, gusto ko ung sasalihan ko kailangan i perform well... ito ang naidudulot ng or ko sa akin - growth, experience, camaraderie, support, a family in UP. tas ang adviser namin - Sir Nato - sobrang supportive, prang kids nya kami. :)
something came up here at home...napaiyak ako... na-hurt ako... i hope he grows... i hope na ung pain na na-feel ko e maalala ko pra i won't cause the same kind of pain kina mama...

ChRisTmaS UpDate: sTill cUtE but yEt to MakE tHat ChRisTmaS ShopPinG... wonder f i HaV the TiMe?... LanTeRn PaRade and Miss Eng'g tomorrow. gOnnA be HoMe laTe aGaiN.hehe:p actuallY maskiPaps toDaY pro umUwi na q coz giNaGabi na q ng hUsTo and i sTiLL have to FinisH ung Take-hOme ExaM sa ChE 123. it's already past 1 at aba, wla pa rin ResuLt...hmmm...hOpe ok, pRa 6th Pa rin StanDing nmin.:p LasT Day na Ng eng'g wEek tom. tOdo na iTo!:) next year, dapat sali na sa indakan and awitan. ako sama na q sa relay ng swimming (no more excuses. hehe). mag-maski kaya aq ulit?hmmmm... hehe:) ObLaTiOn RuN diN pLa tom, never pa aq nkaPanood... hehe:) naKuhA pla si JaKe na mag-OJT sa Beijing. wow!!!:)

babblings

bitter???????????

stupid mouse!--and now i have to start from scratch again. done posting kanina e na-delete. ulit!

just got home around 1:30am. was the first main event for engg week - smoker's nyt. "babuyan ng orgs".... oh well, dami kong sentiments... basta, sobrang love ko tong org na to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to the extent na wasn't able to go home immediately,even after the event's winners were announced before 12am... kasi was terribly sad, kinailangan magpalipas. hehe:)

Nikki's post sa yahoogroups: >peram Nikki ha?:)
Congratulations to usWe lost but we wonbecause people congratulate us although we didn't baganythingbecause it's their loss that they didn't listen or letanyone else listen to what we had to saybecause we know that we're not as shallow as everyoneelsebecause we had fun dancing like crazy onstage... andeven out on the roadbecause we have the best people to be affiliated with.I don't know how many times we've shouted this allweek... but... it still feels nice to remember usshouting..."UP ALCHEMES: Make a difference. Break free."

come to think of it, there just maybe something far greater waiting for us...(in His time) besides, tama sila coz somehow we should be thankful kasi 1) may pumansin sa performance natin, and 2)threatened sila which only goes to show na people have to be careful kasi "lampayatot man pro deadly to" MAY LABAN 'TO! it's possible din nmn na they want us to make ganti na, but we can't do that. that's not our kind of game. it's the reason, why i joined alchemes in the first place. ang tanong hanggang kailan magtitimpi?sometimes, one just have to cry foul!!and say, what the?PU*TAN**NA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hmmm... nakaalmost 20 na malutong na ganyan ngawa ko today e!akalain mo!hehe:)but as the other members said, yes it's natural to feel bad but leave all of it in this night and do what needs to be done...syeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!love ko toh!:)

ok lang sigurong matalo, if naiparating mo ung mensahe mo and then ok hindi nila type/gets. pro ang hindi maiparating, mej iba ata un. anyway, oh well. nuff said, need to sleep na rin thus leave this here... **pro kung sa bagay, babuyan really is the name of the game. pro it's up to us whether to join or not. pro ika nga e, make a difference, break free db?**

halley, i feel ur sadness and disappointment. k lng yan, buddy. alchemes is more than just an org, it's family kaya don't fret pare-pareho tayong nalungkot. and malamang with an even greater drive and conviction to do better!:) byron, kaya yan!bilib pa rin ako sau no matter what!:) bhodz, kat, fantastic fillers, 8 superheroes, props, technicals! astig pa rin kaio!!!!!!!!!!:) mark, buddy and argel pla thanks ha?senxa sa abala and kung kulit ko... hehe:)

more posts to come... ryt now, im out. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... beauty rest pra study nmn sa es12.:)

awitan blues

excited ako for the upcoming engg week! pro mixed emotions ako now coz nabalitaan ko na back-out na pla kami for awitan. nalulungkot ako for khulz coz feeling ko nahirapan xa and wla man lang xang nakuhang motivation from the awitan people... siguro it's not right for me to say anything like sayang, kasi i can't or did not do anything e. past weeks wla tlaga akong natulong sa preparation for engg week. much as i want to offer myself, i'm not qualified - talented(hindi ako marunong kumanta), creative enough (magmake-up/bihis etc.) enough pra maging head. hanggang sa offer lang siguro ng help. yes, there's nothing wrong with "HAVE FUN" as our new battlecry but does that also mean that our org is giving up the fight to get into the top ten? does that mean that since we are not required to perform well in the activities we are not going to give it our best shot? or is this some sort of way of relieving ourselves from the pressure left by last year's engg week performance? i dare hope not... the potential is still there. i just hope the willingness to participate still is... manalo, matalo love ko pa rin 'tong org ko!Go UP Alchemes!(",) pro kung sa bagay hindi lang nmn through engg week masusukat ang galing ng isang org e!basta go lang ng go!no sense in crying over spilled milk nga db?(",) kaya............... ALCHEMES HAVE FUN....(",)

wala lang

lumipas na nmn ang ilang araw ng hindi ko man lang nagawang simulan basahin ang mga research materials ko for my ChE 140 paper. sa wednesday na ang consultation which accounts for 5% of our final grade... hindi na talaga ako siguro ganun ka-grade conscious ngaun otherwise i wouldn't have time to "waste" for blog... waaah... sobrang expert na ata ako sa cramming!hehe:) nararamdaman ko na todo cramming na nmn ito ng tuesday night... oh well ganun talaga... nawili kasi sa paglalaro ng word factory(ako lagi kasi panalo vs. sa mom and sis ko hehe) at sa panonood sa aking kapatid na maglaro ng FF9(ulit!) hehe:)

kakaawa ung mga nasalanta ng bagyo...wish i cud have done something than just watch the news...

procrastinating

been putting off a lot of skulwork for the past weeks especially this past weekend. been trying to solve this ES12 problem since an hour ago and i made no progress. kaya ito net na lng muna baka sakali all of a sudden, the answer will mysteriously reveal itself to me... hehe:) well anyway, events:

Sat., NOv. 27 - 21st wedding anniversary nina mama. Mr. and Ms. Siena nung gabi, kasali bro ko and ako ang official photographer/camera"woman". unfortunately he lost... tanga lang ng mga judge!haha:)

Sun., Nov. 28 - my dad left for Australia for a work-related seminar while the rest of us except my mom were still sleeping. come afternoon, bigla nagyaya mom ko to watch a movie. went to makati... watched polar express in gb3, but beforehand we heard Mass first sa Parish dun. (double purpose). kaya ok ang galle and makati e...:) ganda pla ng moviehouse sa gb3, mas madalas kasi g4 kami e. bad trip lang coz, the people behind our seats esp the kids were so unruly and madaldal and maingay. so much for expecting kids to be well-behaved considering the venue...

nuff said, it's back to work for me!--kailangan!!!!

vehicles

There was a nationwide transport strike today, and as was expected, classes were suspended in most schools. I was informed beforehand of the pending strike and my parents convinced me to just drive to school to avoid any inconvenience. I was hesitant to do so for a couple of reasons. First, I am trying to save me as much money possible in time for the Christmas season and commuting saves me more money what with the rocket high price of gasoline nowadays. Second, the color coding scheme prevents me from being in the streets between 7am to 7pm on a thursday, and my class was from 830-530. I didn’t like the idea of going to school early and leaving late. But going home this afternoon, after the suspension of classes in UP from 1 onwards i saw that the streets were unusually "maluwag" and that not a lot of public vehicles(e.g. bus, jeepneys) were around. there weren't really that much stranded commuters but maybe because it was still a bit early(4pm) and that i took the less traversed road. twas a good thing that i did drive though for the coding was lifted and i was ok except with the mishap involving an empty radiator and an almost overheated engine.

i noticed a peculiar sound since morning while driving and dismissed it as something that will pass after i restart the engine but then again it didn't. i even went to commonwealth ave after lunch to accompany ate kim and jp. she was going to place orders for our org jacket and scout for trophies as well to be used in the Research Fair this JAnuary. (trophies pla are expensive na!) anyway, after missing two u-turn slots, we were back in UP to watch the volleyball match between UP ALchemes and Eng'g Soc (some of the current members of Alchemes are also members of the other org). in reality these events lead to bringing down the temperature of the car to a manageable level such that it reached overwhelming "hotness" when i reached junction. whew! an emergency call to my dad, a mechanic on the emission testing center allowed me to go home with the car safe and sound. lesson learned:always have some water at hand, fill the radiator with water, and know where the f***ing fan/conveyor belt is.hehe:)

anyway, enuf of this. have to study again. joyce has to be on nerd mode again.:)

Hilo

Nakakatuwang isipin pro lagi na lang na tuwing pakiramdam ko ay maayos na ang kalagayan ko emotionally ay bigla na lang anjan ulit ang cause of my emotional disturbance… since june, my emotions were like on a roller coaster ride, constantly being tested… first there was the instance when I realized I cared for someone only when it was too late. Or so I thought and then comes the opportunity but the timing and scenario wasn’t at all right. The one I cared for supposedly fell in love with me too. But he told me at a time when I previously had a chat with “his gf”. Whoa! Then after, he explained things after which naguluhan ako also to whether or not say what I feel too or not. And then bigla prang nag-iba ugali nya. Tapos weeks passed after so much crying and recovering bigla my flowers ka na marereceive. Pakshet!malakas na nga tama mo sa tao, susulpot pa xa kung kalian inaayos mo na sarili mo. Iiwas ka, no reply whatsoever coz u feel it was some sort of a peace offering pra magkaroon ng closure. Tapos bigla email nmn xa bigla as if nothing happened! As if hindi naman siya nang-gago! Since hindi ka na feeling bitter and may feelings ka pa sa kanya anjan ka naman ok na ulit. Pro hindi namn actually hoping... tapos magbibigay sya ng rason para umasa ka ulit.o kung hindi man bigyang buhay kung anuman naramdaman mo. Kala mo maayos na ang lahat, balik masaya na ulit kayo and then ulit.... Weeks, nothing... haay...

Kanina habang pauwi ako, bigla ko lang naramdaman ang kakaibang gaan. Sabi ko wow I’m ready to move on and let go of him and hopes that he’ll come back and that mahal nga nya ako. Na-amaze pa nga ako sa sarili ko coz it took me a relatively shorter time compared sa dati to start letting go... and it’s not impossible na whatever he felt for me before kung totoo man ay wala na... ipagdarasal ko pa rin sya sabi ko gaya nung dati ko. I felt that I can actually go to chapel once again without being ashamed etc. malungkot ako dahil wlang kapalit pro ayos lang kasi nagiging ok na ako.

Tapos pag-uwi mo may email ka na matatanggap, reply niya sa email mo nung October pa. Langya!ano ba? Nothing wrong with the email. Pro it kinda makes me wonder, dapat pa ba akong maniwala sa kanya. Ganti lang ba nya un sa matagal mo ring nde pag-reply sa kanya dati?kung ready na ako to move on, bakit ngaun disturbed pa rin ako?... kung friendship lng un, ah ewan. Nahihilo na ako... lasing ata ako...

P.S. am perfectly fine now!kebs!hehe:) ang stupid q lang tlaga nun!ehehe:p- 12/05/04

lalang...pizza hut Galle with mah bro in da background!:) this was taken last sun, Nov.21.im so vain and pacute!!!!!haha:) but for a valid reason, ayt?:)

women in UP

cheers for the new UP President! Chancellor Roman! i don't know if she's lucky or what pro all i know is ang laki ng prestige ng magiging term nya coz (1): centennial ng UP sa 2008 and (2): she's the first ever woman President of UP! anyway, hope maging maganda pamamalakad nya and save UP from its supposed downfall...must be women power this time for the new Engg dean is also well - a woman! my theory will be put to the test na since the salary of professors, etc. in UP is so small compared to their counterparts in other private schools, males esp. those na breadwinners either don't stay that long and are outnumbered in UP by women or they have other sidelines... so if women are not the breadwinners there's a possibility na mas hands-on ang approach nila. hmmm... atanacio kasi (ex dean) prang mumu sa engg e si ma'am guev kakaupo pa lang hala dami na utos!hehe:) basta i'm for improvement whether or not abutan ko pa un as a student i don't care!basta meron!

it's my sis bday today!:) haberdei Janna!:)

guilty majority

With only four hours of sleep and 5 subjects to work on, i really shouldn't be "blogging about". But the call of blog is much too tempting to resist.

well anyway, i wanted to write something about the article i read in Kule' regarding the "blog wave" and how Filipinos are not able to fully utilize the potential of using blog or "poliblog" so to speak to effect changes in society. yes, i must say i am one of the guilty "majority" who chose to be anonymously open to the "public" by making my journal known and accessible to all. Maybe the time is not right for me to engage in such poliblog... i feel that apathy is a trait very common to most of us. People would prefer to indulge in boosting their egos and laying themselves open to public scrutiny not by what they think in reaction to social or other like issues but of other trivial things (e.g. fashion, etc.) but more than that, for me personally, my world basically revolves around chemistry, physics and math and i feel that not only my English has become rusty over the 3 years my judgment (critical thinking) is not that sharp. pro alam ko na hindi pwede and ganitong pangangatwiran, i know that it is also my responsibility and duty to become more involved. easier said than done though...

pulitika---my level

one time last year, i really contemplated on running for office in the ESC the following year(4th year by then) thinking na by that time ready na ako and kumbaga alam na ang pinapasok ko. pro it all changed come 4th year first sem....sobrang frustrating ung sem na un for me, to the point na my self-confidence was way low and that time i also began to doubt/question my capabilities whether or not deserving ba ako (na tumakbo man lang)... pro despite that im more than thankful pa rin for the outcome of the previous sem, sobrang halos igapang ko kasi xa... oh well... i know i can do something im just so damn afraid! i have this fear of rejection and embarrassment kasi(if there's such a thing)! besides, maybe it's just me and my paranoia coz i feel na andami kong ka-cold war most especially sa strangers...heheÜ anyway, still haven't decided yet what my next move will be talaga.... i have to take into account also what i said last year, sabi ko kasi kay kuya joe should he have a job the following year(now) tatakbo ako, kasi xa sponsor ko!hahaÜ at may job nga xa, june pa lang!hala!

tawa lang ako dun sa analogy nina ate cheryll na ang pag-join sa engg week activities (esp ung major events) e similar sa pag-aartista. kumbaga, join ka muna events tas saka takbo sa ESC. artista muna bago pulitika!hahaÜ

sa ibang dako ng pulitika. grabe ang ganda ng EEE building. sobra!it's as if wla ako sa UP. what i mean here is that compared sa eng'g building malayong maganda xa. i have nothing against them kasi kumbaga kailangan nmn tlga sa field nila but then again i hope that since the new dean used to be the chair of the EEE dep't i hope that it translates to better facilities and improved engg!Ü problem is, i have but one more year(assuming smooth sailing lang!lol!Ü) to go and i seriously doubt kung maabutan ko ung mga renovations and improvements. tas regarding nmn sa improvement ng ChE lab(specifically ung equipments) mas malabo pa ata un coz accdg nga kay sir nato, an equipment such as a boiler would already cost millions!whew!

anyway, gtg now. need to do some more research and afterwards read, do homework...heheÜ and then sleep!Ü