Nakakatuwang isipin pro lagi na lang na tuwing pakiramdam ko ay maayos na ang kalagayan ko emotionally ay bigla na lang anjan ulit ang cause of my emotional disturbance… since june, my emotions were like on a roller coaster ride, constantly being tested… first there was the instance when I realized I cared for someone only when it was too late. Or so I thought and then comes the opportunity but the timing and scenario wasn’t at all right. The one I cared for supposedly fell in love with me too. But he told me at a time when I previously had a chat with “his gf”. Whoa! Then after, he explained things after which naguluhan ako also to whether or not say what I feel too or not. And then bigla prang nag-iba ugali nya. Tapos weeks passed after so much crying and recovering bigla my flowers ka na marereceive. Pakshet!malakas na nga tama mo sa tao, susulpot pa xa kung kalian inaayos mo na sarili mo. Iiwas ka, no reply whatsoever coz u feel it was some sort of a peace offering pra magkaroon ng closure. Tapos bigla email nmn xa bigla as if nothing happened! As if hindi naman siya nang-gago! Since hindi ka na feeling bitter and may feelings ka pa sa kanya anjan ka naman ok na ulit. Pro hindi namn actually hoping... tapos magbibigay sya ng rason para umasa ka ulit.o kung hindi man bigyang buhay kung anuman naramdaman mo. Kala mo maayos na ang lahat, balik masaya na ulit kayo and then ulit.... Weeks, nothing... haay...
Kanina habang pauwi ako, bigla ko lang naramdaman ang kakaibang gaan. Sabi ko wow I’m ready to move on and let go of him and hopes that he’ll come back and that mahal nga nya ako. Na-amaze pa nga ako sa sarili ko coz it took me a relatively shorter time compared sa dati to start letting go... and it’s not impossible na whatever he felt for me before kung totoo man ay wala na... ipagdarasal ko pa rin sya sabi ko gaya nung dati ko. I felt that I can actually go to chapel once again without being ashamed etc. malungkot ako dahil wlang kapalit pro ayos lang kasi nagiging ok na ako.
Tapos pag-uwi mo may email ka na matatanggap, reply niya sa email mo nung October pa. Langya!ano ba? Nothing wrong with the email. Pro it kinda makes me wonder, dapat pa ba akong maniwala sa kanya. Ganti lang ba nya un sa matagal mo ring nde pag-reply sa kanya dati?kung ready na ako to move on, bakit ngaun disturbed pa rin ako?... kung friendship lng un, ah ewan. Nahihilo na ako... lasing ata ako...
P.S. am perfectly fine now!kebs!hehe:) ang stupid q lang tlaga nun!ehehe:p- 12/05/04
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