just anything under the sun depending on my mood. I am particularly moody so a lot of them tend to be emo stuff. I am trying to make it more candid though.... so anything goes! :)
Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)...
There's a place that I go
That nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And the darkness is light
And nobody cries
there's only butterflies
Here I am waiting, I’ll have to leave soon, why am I holdin’ on
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it come so fast
This is our last night, but it’s late and I’m tryin’ not to sleep
‘Cuz I know, when I wake I will have to slip away
And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close
Here I am starring, at your perfection in my arms; so beautiful.
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burnin’ out.
Somebody slow it down.
This is way too hard, ‘cuz I know when the sun comes up I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memories
And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close
I never wanted to stop, because I don’t want to start all over, start all over
I was afraid of the dark, but now it’s all that I want, all that I want, all that I want
And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close
And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close
For many years, we've spent Christmas just the five of us somewhere away from home... It's a rarity for us to celebrate Christmas with a big family together with extended relatives especially since my mom's family migrated elsewhere and her parents died (grandparents). My dad's side should be bigger but a lot of them have also migrated and the few left, my dad is not really that tight-knit... So our way of celebrating Christmas is not the typical Filipino family reunion type (nor even new year).
This year was definitely memorable... There's a certain nostalgia to it reminding me of my childhood days when we'd go home to the province, head to the small farm where my grandparents had this little nipa hut, have lunch under a tree then after us kids would just play etc. I missed those days and it was too bad my sister no longer had the chance to experience it... Spending time with the relatives of my cousin's partner in Ilocos was almost like that except that it was way better while reminding you of the simplicity of life... Growing up in the confines of the city and the materialism that comes along with it, you can't help but think that their life is not easy just because they don't live the same way as you do or afford the same gadgets and thingamajings that you have. Then it hits you, they don't really need it and nor are they green-eyed hungry for material stuff. They may not have a lot in your eyes but they make do (more like nurture) with what they have and that is their wealth.
Christmas Eve 2012 was better because there were 8 simple, innocent, well-mannered but playful kids who brought life to the party. Watching them play, enjoy the games and treats, basically having fun brought joy to us adults who seem to have forgotten how to do so without being constrained by all the complications and inhibitions we develop as we grow old. Their parents and also Our gracious hosts, who just like any typical Filipino who would try to serve as much as they could even when they don't have a lot just to make the guests feel special and taken care of, reminded me of why we should stay grounded and humble. We are so blessed and lucky to be living relatively comfortably but we shouldn't forget to share...
An eve well-spent and worth remembering... Now my mom's looking forward to hers getting extended and having kids... She might have to wait on that though. How long? I wish soon but then we'd have to trust and believe in the Lord for that... in His time...
Even when we talk
Even when we chat
Even when we're together
Because you have changed
Maybe in a subtle way but somehow I can tell the difference...
Somehow I do kind of regret ever uttering those words because I feel like I'm losing you...
Then again, there's my answer...
Maybe you weren't really there at all
And it doesn't matter if you'll lose me too...
Somehow this Friendzone sucks!
Another learning experience...
I probably need to let go and move on soon... But not now. Not yet.
It's not one of my best days and I guess you could say my emotional state is such a mess again right now... I am tempted to try and keep things simple by just speaking up, be done with it and move on... But I'm not sure if that's the best decision... I definitely would like to keep the friendship... It's been a good if not great one so far... Bottomline: I am just so confused.
Nonetheless, looking back on the past year especially the past 8 months I have so much to be thankful for. Coming here was maybe one of the best decisions I've ever made. I loved, got hurt, became broken and whole again, broken out of my shell and experienced life in a way I never thought or imagined I would... Life has been good and God has been great in taking care of me. So much learned and still learning... Definitely, I don't have any regrets. Thank you Lord! Thank you life!
Now, if only I can make up my mind on what to do with this emotional turmoil that I won't regret... I kind of wonder though if there's a decision that has to be made at all actually... Maybe I should just let it be but it's been really taxing on my part...
Still I hope and pray while I enjoy living and experiencing life... I find that which will help me move on to the next stage... One where life is better lived and experienced when shared...
it was a good friend that introduced me to jimmy liao when he gave me the illustrated book 'turn left, turn right' as a souvenir from taiwan (naturally). It was not love at first read for me and it took quite some dust build up before I decided to give it a chance and 'read' it. You see, it was in chinese but to my surprise the pictures were more than enough to understand the story... And then I loved it...
Then it doesn't end there. In this quiant underground store around one of the subway stations near insadong, I was introduced this time to Jimmy Liao's snow globes (based on his books). Unfortunately for me, they were way too expensive (probably around 80k KRW if I remember correctly).
Good thing I met this girl from Taiwan, who was willing to courier for me (when she went home for vacation) one of the snow globes. It was still a bit expensive but it was half the price and it was Jimmy Liao's 'Turn Left, Turn Right', I'd take it.
I'm really so happy with this latest addition to my collection. I absolutely adore it... I kinda want the rest of the Turn Left, Turn Right globes... maybe next time... :D
I lead a relatively sedentary lifestyle and sports is not really in my vocabulary. Aside from being clumsy, I basically suck at anything that requires skills involving coordination etc. With that said, physical activities are not much my thing. I like jogging but so far i have only joined a few 3k runs and I would usually end up walking somewhere along the 3k.
Last Sunday, I mustered enough courage to join the 5k race (there wasn't really much choice: 5k or 10k). Since coming back to Korea last June I've spent a good deal of time running (as diversion/therapy) that I eventually managed to jog from my apartment to jeongja and back.. Since becoming involved with Mannam though I had not been able to run as consistently as I had before that I felt so out of shape in time for the race... I almost backed out due to laziness if it hadn't been for the fact that it was for a cause, the Korean Heart Foundation, spearheaded by Seoul Flyers and MIRC. And what do you know, I managed to finish 5.3k in 36:09. Not bad at all! The coaching from a friend and being surrounded by runners with a positive vibe sure helped. This is really a feat for me which I hope to keep on doing. Hopefully I'll be able to do 10k eventually... :)
Since being introduced to Mannam and other people (who somewhat became my little circle here), I've been having one busy weekend after another usually epic if not filled with different experiences/activities/memories. However, let me skip a bit to talk about this musical I never thought I will still be able to watch since my good friend Cha decided to go to Bali instead of Korea (yes, I was that kind of a loner pinning my hope on old friends to visit me in Korea to watch a musical.).
To describe how I feel after watching this musical last August 15, I'd have to use all sorts of superlatives: wicked, breathtaking, magical. In summary, I totally loved it. Everything from the songs, the story and the cast was great... I never expected how the songs factor into the story. If I could which is more like I can afford it, I would watch it again. It's different watching it on youtube. Defying Gravity at the end of act 1 left us all hanging (and with goosebumps) but boy does it get better on act 2. Everything is revealed and it's amazing how the story adds up and comes together. I have loved the song "For Good" ever since they used it as the music of our college recognition tribute but now that I get what this song meant to the lead characters in the musical, I have a better appreciation of it. To use the song to sing to an Ex would be so inappropriate (I was sort of contemplating on this weeks before watching). It would simply be an injustice.
For Good
(Elphaba):
Im limited
Just look at me - Im limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...
(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
(Glinda):
Because I knew you
(Both):
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
(Glinda):
And because I knew you...
(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...
(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...
Mannam spearheaded a mass performance of Wonder Girls 'like this' during this year's Boryeong Mud festival in Daecheon. And I was fortunate enough to have been a part of it. So yeah officially they call it a flash mob but it was too organized and anticipated that I think of it more as a field demo.
I don't know much but for around 14 years now, Boryeong has been hosting this mud festival where people mostly foreigners play and paint themselves silly with mud. The mud here are supposed to be good for your skin aesthetically. (no surprise there given the vanity of the locals.) Of course, there's a whole lot of drinking everywhere regardless of the time of day. So ok maybe not until 12 noon when it's almost a ghost town due to the din of the day before. It's my first time to go to Boryeong for the mud festival but going there while being a part of the mob was double the fun. I certainly had a blast.
mud galore!
Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I will voluntarily dance in front of people. Sure there are a whole lot of us (maybe hundreds) but still. Definitely, another jump out of the comfort zone for me. And I am more than glad and thankful for it. Definitely one of the best experience I had so far here in Korea. I have Mannam and new friends/acquaintances to thank for it. Cheers to more happy, fun memories!
while waiting for the "event" to start - in between practice.
woot!
Stop!
Mannam Victory!
after the field demo, it turned into an instant insane beach party. we got soaked/drenched in mud as they hosed the crowd with muddy water.
the beach is not much really. It's the mud and the crazy, fun people/times that you'll be having which makes this a must go!
These past weeks since the hongdae adventure has been so busy I feel like I'm back in college juggling multiple organizations and ending up inactive on some of them. Weekdays are work days and enday mode while weekends are org days. I barely manage to keep up that I missed out on jogging for days/weeks now until last friday. The thing is although I haven't stopped thinking about someone from time to time, it somehow feels as if it's now all part of a distant memory. It's almost as if it's beginning to be a thing of the past. Sometimes, I think we should have stayed as friends. It could have been better that way. Then again, if we did then I'd probably wouldn't be where I am right now. I like it here and now that the alternative appear to be more miserable than rewarding, friends or otherwise.
This is the story of how I got smashed "alone" and lived to tell the tale.
Hongdae or the area around Hongik University is known to be the young generation's go to place for the night life. Since the area is surrounded by 3 (as far as I can remember) universities, there are a lot of young folks here having a good time. And if you're going out on a budget, this would probably one of the cheap places to go to.
First off, do it like how most of them locals do. Start the night with a bottle or two of soju or maekju or combine them aka somaek over dinner (samgyeopsal is a popular menu).
I'm not really a fan of soju but it's strong enough for me to give me a buzz after a few shots. Once done, go around hongdae to find a bar of your choice. We found this BB bar that played my kind of dance music (the one I can bob my head to) in English. I thought the vibe was quite nice. Door charge costs around 10,000 KRW but I got in for free (not sure if it was ladies night). Then down a bucket cocktail (which didn't seem to have any alcohol in it) and some three or four shots of tequila. The bucket cocktail costs around 10,000 won and 6 shots of tequila was also the same. By this time, if you have a low tolerance like me, you are buzzed bordering on drunk enough to dance like crazy just as the bar started to get crowded before midnight. If you're pushy and unlucky, you'll find that you have a companion who downed prolly 9 shots of tequila in quick succession just to get that instant kick himself. After which, he'd get so drunk and will hit on you and start to try and kiss you. You don't mind much as you're having a good time just dancing the night away and settle on evading the crazy kid who somehow you're not surprised fell for your charms (no i'm not being proud because it's not really something to be proud of).You just think, this crazy kid is too immature and just a boy who didn't hear any word you said during dinner. You were obviously sending him signals that you're here to have some fun while still trying to fix your broken self up. No, you didn't plan on getting smashed to forget someone or because you got your heart broken. You just wanted to have be crazy/high and experience the night life elsewhere as you've done on your other assignments (ex. Austin's 6th street). By then, he would probably look to be too close for comfort and harassing you that the bouncers will come escorting your companion out of the club. Of course, while you still wanted so bad to keep on dancing and being chatty to foreign strangers in the club, you had no choice to stay with your companion.
Then, all hell breaks lose. For some odd reason, you are too drunk and high already while your companion is dead drunk puking and lying on the side street. You being the girl, who got so used to your friends taking care of you, end up having to take care of someone. But what can you do, you are high yourself. At that moment, you think you still know what's happening. You think you are still lucid. Then you can't tell the rest of the tale because the memory lapse starts. For all you can remember, you went around the streets of Hongdae by your lonesome self looking for your companion for two hours or so. You apparently lost him. You remember sitting on a step that's wet, embracing a door or gate. You remember talking to a handful of foreigners. You remember handing out your business card to a random friendly guy who probably thought you were hitting on them when in fact you were just too darn friendly and happy to be making acquaintances while talking in English. You have a natural tendency to turn into Oprah when drunk. You remember a group from South Africa. You remember some guy escorting you to his group of friends taking pity on your state. For some reason, all foreigners you talked to (the ones that speak English) are kind and did not prey on an obviously vulnerable drunk (probably high - I honestly can't tell) girl alone in the streets. When you finally give up and decide to go home, you crash a group of foreigners and randomly ask for their help to go home (approaching the girl in the group). Somehow, you know you were still having fun while at that state.
Then you wake up the next morning to find that you have two business cards from the taxi that took you home, that your business cards on your wallet are gone, that you half undressed, that you posted a status on facebook which you never do, that you checked in on foursquare. You know you almost drunk texted someone but thankfully you have deleted the number way back. Then the hangover hits you for a whole day after some delay just when you have been asked to report for work as well. That's my side of the story. It wasn't really that bad. It was actually fun and one for the books... until I learned what happened to my companion...
He was not that lucky and ended up getting robbed: his cellphone together with his cards, his watch and even his glasses. So while I know of someone who pretty much got dead drunk here as well but got back unscathed, it's still not that safe. I thank my lucky stars, my guardian angels and Him most especially for taking care of me. So as a friend said, it was a great experience though dangerous but I should not push my luck. So would I do it again? Maybe not anytime soon but probably in better company. :)
June 30. A crazy night in Hongdae indeed! You should try it once. (not necessarily in Hongdae and try for a little safer option)
I just got back from another awesome day/night and it is such a good feeling I have right now. It's been one adventure after another. More on those next time maybe when I have the time (teaser: photoshoots, crazy hongdae night, mannam, peak, etc.). Somehow I have this feeling that I'm back in college again and I am kind of wondering what happened between then and now. Of course, I've had several great and fun times especially with my college friends but I kind of feel that I missed out. Those lull moments in my life, should have been filled with moments like this before. I played safe and went with the flow too much I forgot how good I am in different aspects. But then again, without the triggers and the past to compare things with I wouldn't be able to tell. Now I am able to appreciate and see things in a whole different way especially when taking risks and embarking on adventures. I can do more and be more. I am just glad of the experiences so far. In time, I have to think more for the long-term (aka settling down) and the personal but while I'm still here might as well do more and live more - exerience life to the fullest. Everything really happens for a reason.
I hope this feeling would last because right now I am in love with life. I think I am actually starting to love it here. ❤
P.S. I still can't help but sing songs like long gone and moved on sometimes. Maybe there are things you just don't forget but it's all good.
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
So. love the people who treat you right
and forget about the ones who don't.
And believe
that everything happens for a reason...
if you get a chance - take it;
if it changes your life - let it.
Nobody said that it would be easy...
They just promised it would be worth it."
Side note: Life changing indeed. Amazing how one can grow and evolve with the coalescence of events that time is immaterial. It has been 104 long days It's just been 104 days of South Korea but it's been the greatest teacher so far.
Feelings/emotions have a funny way of sneaking up on you. Just when you thought you've gone through the notions and that there's nothing left but small amounts of pain, hurt or rejection. It just suddenly hits you out of nowhere. Sometimes it might take just one good memory or a picture to be reminded and then the feeling starts to come flooding in. Just like a broken dam threatening to wash away all that you've learned making you more vulnerable than ever to the same or even greater pain. Because the pain has subsided you tend to forget everything else. While it's not easy to forget the rekindled feelings, one must remember everything - to see the whole picture. Paulo Coelho just about sums it up in Aleph what's more important. "Make peace with your past so that it won't destroy your present" Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours? All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you But in reality I'm slowly losing my my mind Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly 'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue Of the pain that rejection is putting you through Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive" Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way" Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away
Time to let this go and move on... I'll get there eventually.
