All the love in the World

Boracay 2013

I may have found my new "theme song".

All the Love in the World

The Corrs

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friend, I'm more than O.K.
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say
Still I believe (I'm missing) I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

(Don't wanna wake...) Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it
I have no hestitaion
My imagination just stole me away
(Still...) Still I believe
(I'm missing) I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

(Don't wanna wake...) Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me...

(Don't wanna wake...) And i won't wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
(Don't wanna wake up alone anymore...)

Good life

I just got back from another awesome day/night and it is such a good feeling I have right now. It's been one adventure after another. More on those next time maybe when I have the time (teaser: photoshoots, crazy hongdae night, mannam, peak, etc.). Somehow I have this feeling that I'm back in college again and I am kind of wondering what happened between then and now. Of course, I've had several great and fun times especially with my college friends but I kind of feel that I missed out. Those lull moments in my life, should have been filled with moments like this before. I played safe and went with the flow too much I forgot how good I am in different aspects. But then again, without the triggers and the past to compare things with I wouldn't be able to tell. Now I am able to appreciate and see things in a whole different way especially when taking risks and embarking on adventures. I can do more and be more. I am just glad of the experiences so far. In time, I have to think more for the long-term (aka settling down) and the personal but while I'm still here might as well do more and live more - exerience life to the fullest. Everything really happens for a reason.
I hope this feeling would last because right now I am in love with life. I think I am actually starting to love it here. ❤

P.S. I still can't help but sing songs like long gone and moved on sometimes. Maybe there are things you just don't forget but it's all good.

Nonchalant

Feelings/emotions have a funny way of sneaking up on you. Just when you thought you've gone through the notions and that there's nothing left but small amounts of pain, hurt or rejection. It just suddenly hits you out of nowhere. Sometimes it might take just one good memory or a picture to be reminded and then the feeling starts to come flooding in. Just like a broken dam threatening to wash away all that you've learned making you more vulnerable than ever to the same or even greater pain. Because the pain has subsided you tend to forget everything else. While it's not easy to forget the rekindled feelings, one must remember everything - to see the whole picture. Paulo Coelho just about sums it up in Aleph what's more important. "Make peace with your past so that it won't destroy your present"
Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry
So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

Time to let this go and move on... I'll get there eventually.

Paradigm shift

Paradigm Shift.
"a change in the basic assumptions, or paradigms, within the ruling theory of science."
-from wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradigm_shift

"a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change."
-from http://www.taketheleap.com/define.html

This is a popular phrase for ChE students from the university mainly because one professor use this a lot in his ChE31 class. While I did not attend that class, the constant mention of this by friends and batchmates made an impression in my brain.
Fast forward, May 2012. I did not imagine that my manager after some discussion of the status of my long term site assignment would recommend this to help me get through the remaining months that I signed up for. At that time, I could not think of a way how this would happen because all there seemed to be left were trivial, unimportant things that I no longer value as much to drive me in another direction. Right now though, that is exactly what I went through. A huge paradigm shift. I don't hate this assignment as much and when I think about it my life is not as miserable as I had thought it was and would be. In fact, my life would have been more miserable if things did not happen. Things really do happen for a reason.
Sometimes, even if we think there is nothing that can get out to reorient ourselves, situations present themselves to help us do that - to undergo a paradigm shift. Like they say, it is just up to us to make lemonades out of lemons.

It's really more on perspective. One tree can look both small 

Early morning hike somewhere in Daesan.

 and towering depending on how you look at it.

Korea has islands too!

There's always a view and it's just a matter of looking for the better one. This is still subjective of course.

Be crazy. Be proud.

There are some things in your life that you may not be proud of. You might even feel a tad bit ashamed of the stupid, foolish mishaps you've made. But rather than think of them as stupidity, it is best to treat them as craziness. Crazy is good as it pushes you outside of your comfort zone and makes you experience more to life than what you thought. It is in the crazy things that sometimes we can say that we have truly lived. As long as you still have a sense of what's real from imagined, you should be fine. The outcome may not be what you expect as it is wholly unpredictable if not the exact opposite but in the greater scheme of things and with the right attitude they will make sense. Trust that. It is still up to you where you want to be taken with the push that life is giving you - for the better or for the worse.

I may not be proud of what happened but I'm glad it did. Sure the wound is still healing but once that's done I'll be damn proud of the scar. I was stupid and foolish. I was crazy. I am alive after all!