lotsa things

starting to feel a lil dizzy trying to do lots of stuff, and thinking about what needs to be done by today, what i need to do tom, etc... whew! courtesy call (ma'am gene and then sir happy), log rep, fax sponsorship proposals, remind acadcomm, what's happenengg (esp engg voice), notes/documents, permits, *breathe!* need to take notes! mahirap na pag may nakalimutan! ehehe:D

miss these people: (HS friends)

Chinky's "instant" bday blow-out! ehehe:D

felt good to hang out with them! simpleng tambay lng sa gitna ng kalsada ng 9pm. aus! "kanya-kanyang session!" nyahaha!:D love you guys! see you this friday ulit?:D hopefully tuloy... yet to ask my mom/dad's permission... hehe:D *fingers crossed*

current addictions

• fly away (longest yard OST)
• blue sky (thanks to cha!)
• ever after
• being tipsy/borderline drunk! (now i know why he likes drinking! share the same sentiments now! nyahaha!)
• hotness hang-over!

damn it! just found out that i got a grade of 2 in sts! damn! so much for hoping for that cum laude! oh well, that's life! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.......... waaaaaaah! sadness......

worse, got an INC in my supposedly last PE! what the heck happened? shocks, thank God for CRS Grades Viewing. or else.... what to do?! sadness...

* if i could fly away, i won't come back * ... sadness...

ending...

the sem has ended. another one's starting, and hopefully my last....

my heart goes out to the following people for being caring, dedicated, passionate.... and something else in between...
ate kim - though it was all a blur for me, thank you for being there. i know you were tired and everything and that you could have left just as easily to rest. you decided to stay... i didn't ask you to (did i?) but you stayed.... thank you very much. and i'm sorry for the added strain i gave you, for tiring you out even more. it didn't occur to me before that we'll be close but then again i am thankful. i don't know (until now) exactly what happened after that last shot of MP, maybe i've said too much which was a given for most drunk people. i kinda liked it though talking non-stop. but anyway, thank you for putting up with me. i prefer listening to people but lately i don't really do much talking of what's inside maybe because i don't even know what's really deep down inside and all i know is that at this point i am sad. nevertheless, thank you for listening... thank you for being a dedicated mommy to us all. i was amazed with your dedication considering that "your time" for showing such dedication to the org has "ended". what i mean by this is that it really was our time (younger members of the org) to do our part. and i am sorry for my shortcomings on that one. and you shouldn't worry if you might be inactive next semester because as what i've said before, you've done your part... we should understand that... and it's now our turn. and as halley always says, belonging is different from being involved (or something to that effect). sad to say, i have my shortcomings on that one. hands down to you ate kim. alabshu!

cy - sorry at naabala kita ng sobra. you were sort of in the "wrong place" when i got drunk. sorry i got you involved pa. kung tutuusin hindi nmn tlga tau close but when i got wasted umalalay ka. thank you. sorry tlga and thank you.

mark san gabriel - tenchu tenchu very much too esp for getting my bag upstairs when i knew i could no longer manage going up myself. and i'm sorry for all the hassle.

riyann - sorry for being too straightforward. that was so tactless of me.

emer - ayos! salamat sa pagsabay or rather pagtatangkang simabay sa akin magswing ehehe:D

to the rest of the gang that i've "disturbed" (some i can't even remember at all):jervik, lynius, angelle, mae, bart, nikki, jake - sorry for all the hassle. either way you enjoyed yourself dn nmn sa spectacle, ayt jake?:D

nikki - CONGRATULATIONS! and thank you very much! you did great! for whatever shortcomings you felt before what you did for this sem-ender more than makes up for them. continue what you're doing and i hope that you can inspire more of your batchmates to be as active and as involved as you are.

appcomm: kenneth, mae, tina, ayza, leian, janelle esp to lila and katre - CONGRATS! and sorry! admittedly though i wanted to be part of this committee so much i wasn't that effective at all.i do hope though that in my own little way i was able to contribute something. again CONGRATS and sorry.

sa food comm esp bryan, mae, angelle, cy, dani, jervik, riyann, fem, bods at ate kim ulit: salamat sa inyo at may masarap na nilamon ang mga tao.
bucks - salamat at kinuha m ang manok sa marikina kahit mag-isa m lng at napagod ka pa dahil dun. thank you for your dedication to the organization. i am amazed at your dedication to the organization and i do hope that it will not falter or fade. i hope you'll not grow tired of this organization.

halley - buddy ko! astig ka! like what i always say to some of my batchmates if it weren't for you we'd be so scared when the time comes that your batch will be the seniors. keep it up! and God Bless!

jake, fem, al, dani, jp, the execomm - CONGRATS! tuloy nio lng. 2nd sem na plano kau mabuti. mabigat ang sem na darating. God Bless you guys!

alumni na nagpunta: ate adi, kuya joe, kuya iman, ate ja, ate mau at kahit sa mga nde nakarating - sa patuloy na pagsuporta sa org!

UP ALCHEMES - my family in UP. without this org my college life will be a whole lot sad. i hope i won't forget to give back something especially financially after i graduate considering what this org has given me. something valueable no amount of money can replace. the lessons, the camaraderie, the experiences, the insights, the passion.... GO UP ALCHEMES!!!!!!!!!

The University of the Philippines ENGINEERING STUDENT COUNCIL proudly brings you...

HALE BAR TOUR! :D

on September 15, 2005

at Hard Rock Cafe, Glorietta 3, Makati City

for only 250Php

You can pass by the UP ESC office at Rm 123 Melchor Hall, UP Diliman for tickets or contact us at 434-3650.

You could also contact me @ 09194373763 or 09224076610.

See you there!

excited! (obviously) both are still unedited... wonder f i made the right decision. chose kasi the one on the right to be printed (and hence appear in the yearbook!) sana pde magchange!huhuuuu.... mas gusto q ung nasa left!

drained...disturbed...must get out...

daming gumugulo sa isipan... kakadrain... from being touched and happy after reading the write-up Byron made for me for the yearbook, my morale went way below... whew! amazing what emails can do nowadays... but on the brighter side this is much better than my attention focused or rather distracted solely on... haaay....days before my bday and this is how i feel, must really mean something... gonna be sad siguro tlga on that day... oh well...

found this on someone else's blog...

**************************************
Things learned from intergender friendships
By Mariel G. Calalo
YOU contributor

THE PREMISE of this article lies on the principle that sometimes, loving a person doesn't mean it has to be romantic and loving a person for the rest of your life doesn't mean you have to end up marrying them. Can a man and a woman just be friends? I'd say yes and they should be.

Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na. Not every guy who befriends you has an ulterior motive. Get over yourself. Don't flatter yourself. There is a reason why he befriended you, but don't automatically assume that it's because he wants to be your so-called boyfriend. If this will be the principle you'll follow every time someone asks you to be his friend, you're gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.

Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na. There are people who are naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no matter how wicked you seem, they just find it so easy to be kind to you. It doesn't mean he is courting you. Don't put yourself through unnecessary stress trying to figure out if he's courting you or not. Because I think if he is, you won't have to guess, you'll know and you'll be very certain about it.

Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you na. You don't befriend a person if you absolutely abhor him, right? Chances are you make sense when he talks to you, or you're probably very patient listening to him. The two of you probably connect on some level but why does it always have to be assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent, mature human beings, you need to accept that it's nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating conversation, and that you don't have to automatically put romantic connotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It's just coffee and a shared interest.

Hindi dahil cute ang friend mo, crush/love mo na siya. This is the most amusing thing that hit me lately. People always assume that because your friend is cute or should I say, hot (because cute is a word you describe your high school crush while hot is a word you use to describe a hunk), "lakas amats mo na for repapips!" Let me just say this, at least from my own personal experience, I'm just nearsighted, I haven't gone blind. I can still appreciate God's creation! However, there will always be weird things, crazy things, stupid things that will keep you, believe me, from having a crush on him. First of all, you'd know his history with women, enough to judge what's good for you. Second, don't you just hate it when a guy who's absolutely always put together, who looks intelligent enough pronounces the word country as "kawntri" and the word mango as "meynggo." Call me crazy for judging a person just because he can't pronounce these words right. I admit, I'm crazy.

Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most of the time, you'd end up being boyfriend-girlfriend. Self-explanatory... There are a thousand, no million different reasons why things don't always turn out that way. There is no one proven formula. For all we know, the reason why he likes hanging out with you is because he likes getting kikay tips from you. He probably plans on being kikay himself and he needs a mentor.

A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily mean equate to a date. Especially if you're paying for your share no. Hello? Three things to consider: the place, the topic and how the two of you actually planned to meet. First, how it was planned. If it were a date expect that he would ask you out at least three days before the actual date to give you some lead time, to give you the notion that you are not just a filler on his schedule. Second, the place. If it were a real date, the both of you would want real food and a place where you could really talk things through. Don't go out with a guy to a movie on Friday night if you're really serious about him. Going to a movie is more like treating him like a "filler" just because you had nothing to do on a Friday night so you might as well go out. Topic. Ha! You wouldn't be talking about chikang artista, chikang opisina or argue if the one girl's boobs are real or not. You would be probably talking about sensible, quite personal stuff.

I therefore conclude that platonic relationships are never complicated; people just have tendencies to complicate them.
******************************************
bang!
*****************************************
I try to laugh but cry instead....
Patiently wait to hear the words you've never said...
This City's made us crazy and we must get out....
*****************************************
Happy Birthday to my dad(8/23)! Love you, Papa!:D

on blogs, harshness, tranquilizers, anti-social mood swings, and healthy one sided blah blah

*~*~*~*
found a lil note somewhere in the course of my bloghopping on how she used to snob blogs/blogging as well before. i share the same sentiments coz before i came upon kathie's xanga i was also a blog snob. Thanks to kathie, although i moved to blogspot from xanga (found blogspot's free service more user-friendly:D), i have this corner in the cyberworld. i still can't quite figure out yet on how my page doesn't show up on google when i type a certain keyword. will figure it out next time im free and not so lazy to do so!:D anyways, thanks to friendster a handful of people constantly update their blogs and bloghopping's been an enjoyable "eavesdropping" experience.:D ehehe:D

~*~*~*harshness and tranquilizers
it's kinda weird to be reminded of something you don't have any recollection of and no matter how hard you try remembering you just can't. it's as if i've deliberately erased it from memory. while having dinner at Mcdo(courtesy of yani) with cha, luh and yani last Friday cha narrated how i threw daw a letter that a guy gave to me(through someone) two years ago? and on how she didn't want to be the one to give the letter to me coz she didn't want to be involved (maybe knowing that i was irritated with the guy.... ehehe:D) (comment lng: funny coz the guy who asked her to give the letter is so in love with her and keeps on asking her out). the act was so harsh i couldn't believe what i was hearing.i couldn't believe i was really capable of doing it. ang harsh! i mean, the guy and the rest of the people who knew about the letter saw it in the trash can. GOSH! that was so mean of me! i was like, "did i really do that?can't remember tlaga eh!" wahehe:D astig! i therefore conclude: i am so freaking harsh, mataray, scary and with a huge BACK OFF sign on my head! shux! intimidating...
not to mention hyper, i barely notice it but when i'm so into a certain stuff and or cramming, i become so hyper... i talk so fast and quite raise my voice or something... which of course i barely recognize and what seems normal to me is not really the case pla. "turukan nio nga ng tranquilizer ito!" harhar:D maybe i can mellow down if these people keep on noticing and then telling me about it. ehehe:D
i really must be so transparent, coz on the other hand when i am sad and or mad people can really tell. when i've got a lot of stuff running through my head, people would comment on how i look "spaced out" (which i am these days). and when i'm in a not so good mood, it's like i have this "leave me alone" sign! again, word for the day: shux!

~*~*~*anti-social mood swings
lately i've been MIA on ym... partly because i have a lot of stuff to do. however, when one goes on being sarcastic and trying to avoid conversations, then there must really be something wrong. i don't know why, and what's wrong with me... all i know is there really is no excuse for what i did to someone and i do hope he forgets it. it's quite unforgivable really coz when i think about it, no matter what, i should have time for my friends even for just a brief chat, otherwise, i am no good as a friend. was such a loser tlga that night! God, thanks for the reminder... kathie, pat and to the rest of you guys, (MIA din pla sa text...) really sorry... ayusin q to promise! :D sorry...

~*~*~*blah blah
singing this song again: "you do something to me that i can't explain..." got a new "higher level than the others" crush. still one sided (he's taken) though. but healthy coz no negative feelings or wishful thinkings just plain admiration. and as usual still got those crushes (old and new). keep 'em coming.:D hanggang crush lng aq e... oh well, damn NBSB!

~*~*~*Only reminds me of you
>there's this guy from ACES who reminds me of Film...
>Nat's brother reminds me of gago bluff

...alaala...

Last Tuesday, I was handed an invitation to the Pinoy/Blonde Forum (thanks to ate Gemma) slated that day from 1-4pm. I'm not really a fan of Pinoy movies but I was able to catch a trailer of the movie once and it was quite a departure from the usual, kinda interesting if I may say so. The soundtrack can also be considered a must-have especially for those into Pinoy Rock. Well anyway, Byron (being the fan that he was of "astig" movies) was actually contemplating on going to the forum. When I read the invite, something caught my attention. UP Cineastes' Studio... hmm...kinda sounds familiar, think I saw this already in someone's friendster profile. (yeah I do visit his page!ehehe:D) so I said, what if I went to this forum? Baka Makita ko siya/magkita kami! (after n months!!!!!) Ahaha:D ala lang, kakatuwa lang isipin what if pumunta nga ako dun and there’s this huge possibility na andun siya. But bottomline, I didn't go (neither did byron if i may add) . Pro ala lang pano kaya yun no? ehehe:D how would i/he react kaya? Astig!

Out of the blue: mga kantang may something:D
*tomorrow morning if you wake up and the sun does not appear, I will be Here...
**this is not your ordinary, no ordinary love. You were the first to touch my heart...
***O kay tagal na kitang minahal...
****Hello, how have you been?...
*****you do something to me that I can't explain...
*I have my fingers crossed that he's not into blog reading. But actually, I'm not the least bit scared or concerned should he read this.*
*still sad, but shouldn't dwell on this... *

on a high

woke up smiling... i'm just plain happy...
......................i've moved on! wohooo!

not really a fan of Hale and other bands that played last night but felt excited to post this pic with Champ of Hale if i'm not mistaken.ehehe:D some more pix to come of the Engineering Freshmen Week. be blogging next tym.

out of place

something has gone terribly wrong...

• didn't greet my dad
• wasn't able to hear Mass
• slept through when the rest of the family was out and when they arrived got so emotional stayed up
• woke up to the noise of the welders removing our windows (including the one in my room) to be replaced by sliding ones
• my mom dropped my phone (by accident) and now it's got lines on the screen
• 22 questions for chemistry and 8 for bio
• BBQ + Goodwill
• need additional money for pakain....
• acads....

+ some matters of the heart... one sided this time... so this is how it feels to like someone first and knowing that the feeling is far from mutual or not likely to be. damn! plus the fact that he's not supposed to be my type. is this karma? but haven't i suffered enough from the regrets of the things that slipped away...*you do something to me that i can't explain*

naninikip ang dibdib, sobrang lungkot... leche maitulog na nga ito...

*need to reboot, want my old self back. so messed up these past two days...

just bummin...

how i wish!but i sooooo miss doing nothing, as in absolutely nothing or maybe not really doing nothing at all, maybe having no commitments and responsibilities to attend to and think about(even way after "office hours"). like just watching or reading and then eating and then playing and then surfing and then sleeping and then gossiping. damn! kakatamad ah! got a workload of stuff to do and finish today:
1. finish making and printing the raffle tickets/stubs.
2. write the letter to M&W that is to be signed by Sir Happy as guarantor for the book fair aka BBQ(BOOK BUYING QUEST).
3. print the above two as well as the list of books M&W will provide, the list of companies participating in the event, and the solicitation letter to(or for?heck!) the departments (that should be distributed by tom!)for the freshmen pakain!(if it's not scrapped yet)
and that does not even cover what's lined up for the week!
1. book fair concerns: booths, stocks, manning the booths, etc.
2. follow-up on the marketing proposals
3. registration assistance sa aming ever efficient department
4. prerog sa pe
5. start na ng class
6. magpatawag sana na ng first meeting ng REACTOR(and hopefully have the results of the editorial exam by then)
7. orientation ng Freshie Day "big brothers/big sisters"
8. meeting with Ma'am Shee regarding the ChE job fair.
shocks! imagine the post-its i need to stick in my head!and i haven't been to school yet coz for sure once there got even more stuff and meetings to attend to! OMG! am i whining already? just reminding myself out loud coz should u come across the above mentioned you might wanna remind me. i hope my selective amnesia's not getting worse already..:D
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>E>>>>>>>>S>>>>>>>>>C>>>>>>>>>>>>>
it's super funny, how most of us "active" in the council is craving or scheduling a "day-off". parang katulong sabi nga nila!wahehe:D well i supposedly got mine 2 weeks ago when we hied(im hoping i used the term properly...) off to subic. but no! come last week, was ultra moody!(im super moody on normal days!:D) don't know what happened but it was my body that was complaining. despite having no classes (and no allowance!-was supposedly my mom's way of making me stay at home but well was stubborn and used my savings instead!)everyday had to wake up early and go home late, it wanted a break. stress + fatigue + the weather = sickness. thursday after running so many errands (but at least finished the registration process), felt good to be with ALCHEMES( (wanted to "escape" council work that time!wahehehe)! kakamiss sobra! anyway, i still didn't feel good and my throat hurt and i asked my mom what medicine i should take and she plainly said: "REST". and Rest i did! i excused myself from going to school the following day(and boy did i miss a lot!ahaha). however, despite being on a "day off", still worked because 1)felt guilty and 2) people were calling here at home or texting me of stuff i had to attend to. ehehe:D so the house technically became my workstation.
the following day was back in school. this is getting so long already... anyway, bottomline we were supposed to watch a movie kanina (MADAGASCAR sana) but my sibs backed out and ayun tinamad na rin aq, tv/eat/read nlng though now i have to cram again. have to be school early tom! at least before 8! or did i mention that already? ehehe:D pro now sinisipon na aq, as in like i have to bring a box or roll of tissue to school tom na!
anyway, enuf said muna.... nde nmn na kasi aq mukhang workaholic or bc e, db? shocks! think i'm painting the picture of a girl with glasses, hair on a neat bun, in business formal clothes, carrying folders, holding a cellphone on the other!tsktsk! not good! not good! i sure hope not!

*****on a different note: the ChE freshies are so makulit. ask a lot of questions sa groups na meanne created for them. don't know if they're making fun of us na, but we have no choice but to answer as politely and friendly as possible. nde q na nga lang alam kung sino tlga ang uto-uto na ngaun! ang freshies ba o kami? sample questions they asked:
1.pano po pag ung PE ko wall climbing..sa power up un...ung sked koevery wednesday....sa wednesday ba punta ako agad ng power up? or sagym ng up muna?pano po pumunta ng power up? :D
2.pano magpunta UNIV theater from SM north?
3. pano magpunta gym from Palma Hall and vice versa?
4. shortest and fastest route from palma hall to math and back.
5. kelangan na po ba ng uniform sa pe ko na judo sa first day?
haaay... basta grabe sa kakulitan na prang super sigurista ang dating....

huling hirit

am ok now. full speed ahead!:D not that rested but got the necessary dose of R & R after my whining last wednesday. kinda bitin though, want to bum around for a change.(miss bummin!!!!waaaaah!) as my brother commented: "prang naghahabol ka lagi ng oras!" hell yeah!

anyway, after watching star wars episode 3 with the fam last wednesday night (G4) - 'twas great by the way though i really need to watch the past episodes to refresh my already forgetful mind, i asked that we head for an outing the coming weekend. kahit ano, fontana etc. basta swimming! eheheü kahit nga EK ayos na sakin e. well anyway, we settled for subic (as against hundred islands, since the last time we were there was 2003 compared to subic which was 1995!!!). puerto galera was out of the question cause 1)though we've never been there yet, my mom thinks is kinda risky to travel by sea especially since it's been raining the past days, 2) have to save up some money if we're gonna buy a laptop... heheü anyway, puerto and pagudpud will have to wait some other time. (kinda into the beach now, since i am brave enough to swim, tread and snorkel.ü )

subic was great, the beach was ok. water was too salty though as it kept on hurting/irritating our eyes though we had our goggles on. we had this tendency nga lang to keep comparing it to Balicasag, and virgin islands in Bohol. (hang-overs!) my brother and i wanted to try on swimming from the shallow end to the net but whoah! it was far! my dad tried it first and he was sooooooooooo out of breath when he got back to the shallow side. so much for the mock bravery, i chickened out and tried only to about 1/5 of the distance. didn't push myself to my limits. and instead of swimming to the deep end i opted for treading hehe. daya no? scaredy cat.

was funny kasi, the last time we went on an outing wherein we brought food along aka picnic style, was uhmmm can't even remember! ansaya! anyway, by the time we were ready to leave, prang uulan na. good thing got na my dose of tan line! ehehe:D volunteered to drive back home, tiring but the NLEX was the best! ehehe:D my dad didn't like it that i was driving too fast reaching up to 140kph! yey! sarap ng feeling! if only all the roads in the Philippines are that smooth and wide (therefore no congestion)! my dad thought i was too aggressive!
dad:"nde ata maganda influence q sau!don't drive like that. it's not safe."
joyce:"why, just because im a girl?!!!"
dad: "well yeah, you're too aggressive considering BABAE ka."
so much for the fun ride!

observations:
joddy:"prang lahat ang bukambibig, Boracay. as if un ang status symbol."
joyce:"onga e, ilang ulit na narinig ko yan sa mga tao dun. dati gustong-gusto q magpunta dun, just for the sake na makapunta. pro prang ngaun, yoko na rin ata. pra maiba naman!"
joddy:"eh, nde naman na daw ganun kaganda boracay ngaun."
mama:"db nasa news overpopulated na daw. white sand lang naman maganda ata dun."
joyce:"dati nde naman, kahit ung waters nun maganda and clear. tsaka ata ung shoreline."
joddy:"mas maganda pa ung virgin islands!"
joyce:"ung sa may Bohol?ung lumulubog ang sand kapag high tide?sinabi mo pa! ang ganda nun!" (hang-over to the max!)

!damn tired!

>>>warning:sinusumpong aq. must get this out of my chest...
wanna scream. wanna shout. wanna quit...wanna resign...

"i want out.."

on the brink of accepting defeat... i can almost hear myself saying yes pat, i am no longer fyn with what i am doing. yes byron, nag-volcorp na lang sana ako...

need and want that "me time"... me, me, me, me, me...

am ready to be called a quitter, or a coward for that matter. doesn't matter. to hell if i make a disappearing act. who cares? life will go on... somebody out there is willing to take on the job... kung pede lang umuwi ng province at magtago... wlang laglagan, pro siguro must stop thinking that i should work extra to make up for someone else's absence esp if in the process, even i don't have any time for myself anymore. or if crying seems all too natural to do...

nuff said...

just so so frustrated right now...

and so damn tired!!!

(hence the pag-iinarte...)

need to recharge, that's what i need right now. a momentary break of the non-stop flux of tasks and "post-its of things to do, but never really accomplished..."
*****************************************
...but in reality i'm slowly losing my mind
underneath the guise of smile
gradually i'm dying inside...
*****************************************