Prayer Request

*posting this nice and apt prayer that was handed out last Sunday at the Blessed John Paul II Parish...

Dear Lord,

I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.

Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said, or thought that was not pleasing to You. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my minds so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me NOT whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And it's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.

I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who don't share. I pray for those who don't believe.

I thank You that I believe. I believe that You change people and change things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love, and joy in their homes. I pray that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this prayer knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than You. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into hearts of every eye that sees it. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Plans

For several weeks now I've been struggling because nothing seemed to go my way or how I wanted... A lot of plans no matter how small would come crashing sometimes at the last minute... Murphy's law has been hounding me it seems.. And sadly my health has been suffering at the most inopportune moment: during weekends. I badly need a break and an escape but even them have to be given up. I am trying to counter all these negativity that's been weighing and dragging me down but so far it looks like this is going to take awhile.
You make plans based on how you want your life to pan out and what your priorities are but there are those moments when life it seems have other things in store for you. It's like a tug-of-war pulling you in another direction. You try and resist it burdening yourself all the more. Giving in leaves you with the feeling of defeat and emptiness. In the end, it's better not to plan anything at all since none of the odds are in your favor anyway to avoid anymore disappointments.
Then comes the epiphany, that light bulb moment when you realize that there is nothing wrong with planning as long as you don't expect it to become an immediate reality. Life throws in a lot of surprises because sometimes our plans are not enough. God has something better for us out there and He wants the best for you, nothing less. Maybe your plans have to be given up because they are too complacent... And maybe there are some things that shouldn't be planned at all because they will just come along. Hope after all is the dream of a soul awake. In the meantime, plan along what you can and where you are being pulled at. And know that, we are all destined to be great! And then who knows, maybe lightning could strike... Hopefully...

My dear, I have to let you go... As much as I wanted to stay and have what was supposed to be my farewell set of awesome adventures, I have to move on. It was really short-lived and I thought that there was still so much more to do and experience. I can't thank you enough for all those moments. It was one of my best years, if not epic. My only regret is not being able to say goodbye. But who knows, I still hope I can visit you some other time... Now, I look forward to whatever great new adventures God has in store for me.

Struggling but lucky

Quite honestly, I am still struggling to deal with whatever has been coming my way since the 4th.. I can't seem to recover that my patience/tolerance is way too low it's easy to trigger the waterworks.. I guess you can say I'm broken for all sorts of reasons right now... I'm just trying to make one step at a time for me but I sincerely hope this will be over soon... I am tempted to give up at times already... Yes, maybe for some I am that weak but I am already trying to be numb and detached still I can take only so much right now..
Nonetheless, I am thankful for my support base - friends and family who I lean on. Although in this case I am trying to deal with it alone and less dependent on others unlike in the past...

Lucky to have sweet, thoughtful, caring and reliable friends... Thanks really!

4.

Since high school, I've developed a particular fondness for the number 4 and considered it to be my lucky number. My reasons were quite shallow but nonetheless I held on to it as my favorite number. I didn't mind that Chinese consider this to be a very bad/unlucky number... The book I'm reading talks of a mental illness where 4 haunts the protagonist and symbolizes death...

Unfortunately for me, this was the date that God put me through another test... I'm trying to be strong and positive about things but so far it's been like one test after another... Everything seems to be beyond me and beyond my control. This is hard especially for someone of my personality who wants to be in control. I can't get a good grip of what's happening... I'm trying to just take it all in being a firm believer of the saying "Everything happens for a reason..". I need to have faith...

I know I can still take it but the only way I am coping right now is by just relinquishing control other than hopefully making that trip to say goodbye... Somehow, things are happening too fast, too soon though for me while I'm still recovering and reeling from that blow. I can't even take a moment to say 'hey, let me take a moment to figure out what I'm gonna do and where I want to go... ' I can't make sense of what's been happening so far. I know it doesn't have to but the fear that somehow the events and decisions being made by others for me right now may ripple into the future... I want to really say, "please enough now, please let me get my bearings first" but somehow I know all the more will there be tests. So, I'm just floating without a backbone... I am so lost, confused, disoriented and trapped in limbo right now. The problem is I don't know how to get out. Even the simple act of making a stand is hard because of my emotional instability and doing so might lead to further disappointments and the like. It's just all mixed/messed up. For now, I have to pray that whatever direction I'm being pushed to will do while I'm trying to figure things out...

It takes its toll sometimes and I find myself emotionally drained. It's overwhelming at the moment and I could sure use some words of wisdom and spiritual advice.

Quite a bad start, 02.04.2013. I will probably forget you but not now.

you live, you learn

It seems that the only way for me to learn some lessons are through some first hand experiences... It's a good thing that I'm relatively a fast-learner..
Still learning, still blooming...
Bouncing back up. ^_^



"Please, please, please let me get what I want" - 500 days of summer OST

A friend (and a former crush) who I don't often see, made a timely comment on top of complimenting me... "ang tatanga ng boyS mo"... Timely, because I was struggling to stay strong and keep my head up during that time. Flattery was a good way to boost my morale. Sure, I may have made some pretty bad choices in the past but I don't have any regrets. Little by little, I think I'm improving.

P.S. this same guy also said that if I came in the picture earlier, my life would have been a whole lot messier... If I understood this statement correctly, then I am somewhat flattered. ahahaha :D

Gravity

2 of my favorite artists, John Mayer and Sara Bareilles, both has a song with the same title. The science maybe a bit complex but the idea that gave birth to this law was quite simple. Legend has it that an apple fell on Newton's head while he was sitting under a tree and the Universal Law of Gravitation was born. Of course, this could be an oversimplification minus the technical jargon and the nitty-gritty scientific details. Nonetheless, the concept is there and applies to our day to day living both in the scientific and philosophical realms.

Sometimes, we move too fast we don't realize we are on the brink of falling. Other times, we crave for adventure and live on the edge consciously. Unfortunately, a little distraction, disruption, among others can easily break the balance. Try as we may to keep things steady one way or another, things just don't fall into place.  But as everyone may have said time and again, that's just the way it is.


keep it steady

Even as we fall, get sucked in, lose balance and stumble, we have to accept that it is through those that we truly experience life. These things make life beautiful and wonderful, happy and amazing, diverse and miraculous.


falling is natural...

I have fallen many times, who knows how many more times I should fall... Standing up is quite a challenge but honestly, I couldn't really ask for more. I am too blessed, God has been so good and life is just too damn beautiful.

Sara Bareilles sings about gravity being the unwavering attraction from one person to another that cannot be denied. The attraction sometimes being too much bordering on obsession that freedom from it, is yearned. John Mayer sings about gravity being that which brings us down - any man down. As we acknowledge its power, we should try to balance swaying and fighting it while remembering to stay in the light. Maybe it's about getting a grasp of what's important and what matters most to us... so we can stand back up.

Keep falling. Not every fall is the same because each time you stand up, part of you is already different.

Past and Future

"Never let your past experiences harm your future. Your past can't be altered and your future doesn't deserve the punishment."

It was thought to be a story of young love notwithstanding the test of time. Born out of college, their paths instead of merging ended up diverging in a not so good way... I saw how a heart faltered and got swept away in another direction many times... Then in the end, neither of them couldn't deny the good from their past. It became a story of overcoming and looking beyond the sorrows of the past and more to the future. After 11 years, including the two years of self-discovery, they find each other making it through.

A late shoutout to a very good friend and confidante. My friend, I am very happy for both of you. Now, you get to spend the rest of your lifetime with your wife who is your past, present and future...

Saying Goodbye to 2012

So apparently, 2012 was a leap year. I've forgotten about it until I read another customary year-end post from an acquaintance. Looking back, 2012 was indeed a year of making leaps for me - leap of adventure, love, and life.

Coming to Korea and spending most of 2012 there was quite life-changing for me. In many ways, it has triggered me to come out of my shell and take several other leaps. I wouldn't be where I am right now, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and spiritually if it weren't for Korea. It was not love at first sight, however. If I had to write this post during the first quarter of my stint, it would have been filled with everything negative. I got my heart broken twice, almost ruined my career,  felt alone, helpless and terribly inexperienced with "independent living", cried buckets (almost every night or every other night), struggled with the language barrier, the inefficient and extreme workaholic (but disorganized) work ethic - a taste of the OFW life. How sheltered, naive I have been and life has been pretty easy for me back home. I quite honestly thought it was a very bad decision (if not one of my worst) to take the assignment and for the most part cursed it. I wanted to escape it so bad (hence almost ruining my career). You don't really realize how lucky and blessed you are until you go through the pain, sorrow and hardships.

Paradigm shift. Then everything turned and now I am a firm believer of the saying "everything happens for a reason". God has been and is so good in taking care of me, I can't thank Him (and His instruments whether people, things or experiences) enough for always being there for me as He continues to teach me lessons - helping me grow as I experience life. The second-half of the year went by as if I was in a dream that coming home felt like waking up from it. Just when you thought that you have already experienced a lot that you are at the plateau of life - you realize there is so much more to experience, feel, meet and do. You start to fall in love with life all over again and suddenly think as you look back how you've lived a monotonous and boring life during the recent years. It's like starting to live more: I started to "dance" Kpop, "sing" without the influence of alcohol, be "physically active", do photo shoots (a little frustrated on this though), get wasted so bad, cooked, all the personal and attitude adjustments. I know I am still a pessimist but somehow, I'd like to think that I'm becoming more mellow. As I experience pain, I heal in a beautiful way by turning (trying very hard through the help of friends and loved ones) it into a positive experience. So far, it's by looking forward on the benefits that keeps me going. Living in Korea has been one of the best decisions and experiences in many aspects for me.

As I've mentioned in my FB post, "2012, you've been great! Definitely no regrets... I'm ready for you 2013! And to everyone who has been part of this awesome 2012 (especially new friends), thank you! Cheers for another great new year!"

I hope especially for my friends that 2013 will be another great year for us and that we will always be able to overcome and look past the pain, sorrow and hardships - that somehow everything will be alright and turn out for the better. May we always be on the lookout for opportunities to take leaps whether of faith, love, adventure or life in general. And when that time comes, we are ready to take the risk (while keeping in mind and heart the lessons learned). Carpe Diem!

Pocketful of sunshine...

Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)...

There's a place that I go
That nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And the darkness is light
And nobody cries
there's only butterflies

Daylight...

Here I am waiting, I’ll have to leave soon, why am I holdin’ on
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it come so fast
This is our last night, but it’s late and I’m tryin’ not to sleep
‘Cuz I know, when I wake I will have to slip away

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa

Here I am starring, at your perfection in my arms; so beautiful.
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burnin’ out.
Somebody slow it down.
This is way too hard, ‘cuz I know when the sun comes up I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memories

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa

I never wanted to stop, because I don’t want to start all over, start all over
I was afraid of the dark, but now it’s all that I want, all that I want, all that I want

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa
Oh whoa, (yeah) oh whoa, (yeah) oh whoa (yeah) (yeah)
Oh whoa, (yeah hey) oh whoa, (yeah hey) oh whoa

Maroon 5 Daylight lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/maroon-5-daylight-lyrics.html

Christmas with kids... For kids...

For many years, we've spent Christmas just the five of us somewhere away from home... It's a rarity for us to celebrate Christmas with a big family together with extended relatives especially since my mom's family migrated elsewhere and her parents died (grandparents). My dad's side should be bigger but a lot of them have also migrated and the few left, my dad is not really that tight-knit... So our way of celebrating Christmas is not the typical Filipino family reunion type (nor even new year).
This year was definitely memorable... There's a certain nostalgia to it reminding me of my childhood days when we'd go home to the province, head to the small farm where my grandparents had this little nipa hut, have lunch under a tree then after us kids would just play etc. I missed those days and it was too bad my sister no longer had the chance to experience it... Spending time with the relatives of my cousin's partner in Ilocos was almost like that except that it was way better while reminding you of the simplicity of life... Growing up in the confines of the city and the materialism that comes along with it, you can't help but think that their life is not easy just because they don't live the same way as you do or afford the same gadgets and thingamajings that you have. Then it hits you, they don't really need it and nor are they green-eyed hungry for material stuff. They may not have a lot in your eyes but they make do (more like nurture) with what they have and that is their wealth.
Christmas Eve 2012 was better because there were 8 simple, innocent, well-mannered but playful kids who brought life to the party. Watching them play, enjoy the games and treats, basically having fun brought joy to us adults who seem to have forgotten how to do so without being constrained by all the complications and inhibitions we develop as we grow old. Their parents and also Our gracious hosts, who just like any typical Filipino who would try to serve as much as they could even when they don't have a lot just to make the guests feel special and taken care of, reminded me of why we should stay grounded and humble. We are so blessed and lucky to be living relatively comfortably but we shouldn't forget to share...
An eve well-spent and worth remembering... Now my mom's looking forward to hers getting extended and having kids... She might have to wait on that though. How long? I wish soon but then we'd have to trust and believe in the Lord for that... in His time...

Missing you...

Even when we talk
Even when we chat
Even when we're together
Because you have changed
Maybe in a subtle way but somehow I can tell the difference...

Somehow I do kind of regret ever uttering those words because I feel like I'm losing you...
Then again, there's my answer...
Maybe you weren't really there at all
And it doesn't matter if you'll lose me too...
Somehow this Friendzone sucks!
Another learning experience...
I probably need to let go and move on soon... But not now. Not yet.

I just miss you right now... So bad.

Kamsahamnida

It's not one of my best days and I guess you could say my emotional state is such a mess again right now... I am tempted to try and keep things simple by just speaking up, be done with it and move on... But I'm not sure if that's the best decision... I definitely would like to keep the friendship... It's been a good if not great one so far... Bottomline: I am just so confused.
Nonetheless, looking back on the past year especially the past 8 months I have so much to be thankful for. Coming here was maybe one of the best decisions I've ever made. I loved, got hurt, became broken and whole again, broken out of my shell and experienced life in a way I never thought or imagined I would... Life has been good and God has been great in taking care of me. So much learned and still learning... Definitely, I don't have any regrets. Thank you Lord! Thank you life!
Now, if only I can make up my mind on what to do with this emotional turmoil that I won't regret... I kind of wonder though if there's a decision that has to be made at all actually... Maybe I should just let it be but it's been really taxing on my part...

Still I hope and pray while I enjoy living and experiencing life... I find that which will help me move on to the next stage... One where life is better lived and experienced when shared...

Hope is the dream of a soul awake.

Jimmy liao snow globe!

it was a good friend that introduced me to jimmy liao when he gave me the illustrated book 'turn left, turn right' as a souvenir from taiwan (naturally). It was not love at first read for me and it took quite some dust build up before I decided to give it a chance and 'read' it. You see, it was in chinese but to my surprise the pictures were more than enough to understand the story... And then I loved it...

Then it doesn't end there. In this quiant underground store around one of the subway stations near insadong, I was introduced this time to Jimmy Liao's snow globes (based on his books). Unfortunately for me, they were way too expensive (probably around 80k KRW if I remember correctly).



Good thing I met this girl from Taiwan, who was willing to courier for me (when she went home for vacation) one of the snow globes. It was still a bit expensive but it was half the price and it was Jimmy Liao's 'Turn Left, Turn Right', I'd take it.

I'm really so happy with this latest addition to my collection. I absolutely adore it... I kinda want the rest of the Turn Left, Turn Right globes... maybe next time... :D