heavy heart

i hope this is just paranoia...
this is just miss worry-wart on the loose...
but the fear and negative emotions are haunting me...
i'm scared...
I pray this will pass...
Lord, please help me...

Today I got stuck in traffic. I came in too late for two meetings. It rained just after I parked the car and I cried a little how my day was turning out. I thought I was having a bad day. Little did I know, it could have been worse...
Thank you...
My sympathy and condolence to those who were affected. May all of us find peace and serenity amidst all this chaos. May this event not become some sort of circus and that the truth should come out, no matter how ugly, grave or negligent it is...

I hope I can make amends for all my shortcomings... This time I hope I'll do things right and do the right things...

For the little girl who knocked but I turned away and instead of hating me for being stingy hang the garland on the side mirror, I offer her prayer and apology. I'm sorry I turned her away, I really am. Lord, please bless her and her family. I hope I meet her again and not turn her away. From now on, I won't turn away every less fortunate person who knocks. Why be indifferent? Why be particular if they're healthy or not? Why postpone what you can do now? Maybe I still won't give to everyone because that's teaching/tolerating people not to use their gifts but I won't be as stubborn on this viewpoint this time... A little sharing, a little love...

I hope I can do it...

Like the garland on the side mirror riding the wind along C5, life sometimes becomes too fast... we barely notice we're fading/falling apart.

Extremely emotional is me...

books, books, books...

if i had a lot of time,
if i'd just be a little more patient,
and if i had a little more (ok a whole lot) of extra cash
i'd hoard on books (the hard-bounded bigger ones) and stock em up on my "library"
but i'm just a corporate slave trying to balance bills, clothes, food, trips, and other indulgences and needs...
and my attention span is quite short really... (wish i'd give more attention to detail, read through the dictionary for the highfalutin words i come across)

currently reading:
Einstein's Dreams

yet to finish: (on hold indefinitely)
The God of Small Things
Nanny Diaries
Foucault's Pendulum
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

coming soon: (whenever that is)
The Secret
The Art of War
The Tipping Point
The Road Less Traveled
The Zahir
Eleven Minutes
Freakonomics
Night (Elie Wiesel)
The Lovely Bones
The Witch of Portobello
Like the Flowing River
The Historian
Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking
Lovely Bones
Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

in the racks:
Hundred years of solitude
the alchemist
veronika decides to die
tuesdays with morrie
for one more day
five people you meet in heaven
angels and demons
da vinci code
deception point
by the river piedra i sat down and wept
the name of the rose
Maya
The Ringmaster's Daughter
The Solitaire Mystery
Anne Frank:diary of a young girl
The notebook
the devil and miss prym

i know this is nothing compared to what others have but i don't think i'll qualify to be a bookworm anyway... like my mood, my affair with books is quite unpredictable...

on another note: i will be on this self-imposed hiatus from friendster and multiply... on ym either i'll be invisible and talk to a selected few or not at all, or not online at all... let's see how long i'll last... for some reason, i just feel like "disconnecting" somehow... anti-social is me...

ang sarap umasa...

Simula Pebrero ng taong ito, may mga hindi inaasahan ngunit nakakatuwang nangyari sakin. Kahit na walang kasiguruhan iyon, lubos na akong natuwa na napansin ang aking ipinasa... Malaking bagay na iyon para sa akin. Oo, umasa ako. Bakit naman hindi lalo na't lubhang akong natuwa sa lugar at ninais na lumagi dun? Yun nga ang dahilan kung bakit may uwi akong mga pahina mula doon e... Habang tumatagal parang kabute ang balita ng estado ng aking isinumite doon. Kaya naman, prang kabute din ang aking damdamin sa pagpursige sa alternatibong iyon. Naging alternatibo na lang xa dahilan nga sa pagkamalabo din naman ng mga pangyayari. Kapag may balita, nabubuhayan ang loob ko kapag wala nakakalimutan ko naman iyon.

Huli akong nagkaroon ng balita noong kakalipat ko lang... Ngunit gaya ng dati, malabo ang mga hakbangin noon. Hindi din naman nila kasi matukoy ang aking kwalipikasyon kung nararapat nga ba talaga ako. Kaya hindi din nila ako basta-bastang matatanggap. Nais nila na makita ako at "makausap" sa personal subalit para mangyari iyon kelangan silang mapagawi ng Pilipinas o ako ang kusang pupunta dun (sariling sikap). Ilang ulit na naudlot ang aming pagkikita dito sa Pilipinas, bihira din silang mapagawi gawa ng wala naman talaga silang opisina dito.

*the rest are in my multiply...

paranoia to the highest level

so yeah it was a bad week for me at work... i was quite unlucky and found myself being caught at the wrong place at the wrong time or at the wrong circumstances... oh well... i need to get my act together... hopefully next week will be a better week and my bad luck will wear off...

anything under the sun:
~i think i've had my fill of OH to last me for another few weeks or so again...
~i'm fit to work but with minor defects or whatever they call it... medical clearance here i come...>>> need to seriously consider a healthy lifestyle
~can't wait to start doing laps for free!!! =)
~ang kati ng kaliwang palad ko lagi... hmmmm... hehehehe yey! =)

just a thought...

i've been meaning to write this "thought" that came to me last thursday when I overslept for the two days...

did it ever occur to you that when you are oversleeping you are actually given an extended lease on life? i mean i was not tired or anything nor did i lack sleep the day before but i suddenly had this eerie feeling that i was not supposed to wake up anymore on the second day... oversleeping is not uncommon but i guess it's just another way of looking at things. so that we'll appreciate more the oft-taken-for-granted-things like this one. admittedly there are times I'd take for granted the fact everything can change in an instant. It's like the "the sun will rise tom" statement in philo...

anyway, i'm not being sentimental or preachy here. It's just good to be reminded once in a while and probably enjoy the simple things in life.

here's to life! :)

U!!!!!!!

buti na lng may pic!

we own this pose! OBLATION!!!! (in case may nde nakagets! nyahahahaha)

photo credit: http://teresa47.multiply.com/photos/album/71/2007_UAAP_Cheerdance_Competition

DAY DREAMING (literally)

ang sarap mangarap: Sept. 28, 2008 - Singapore
haaaayyyy... S$6000 for paddock area? syet! grandstand kaya? haaayyy... esp if it's a night street race! syet! >>> i need to find a temporary sugar daddy fast! hahahahahaha joke!

various OH shots

hmmm... i wonder how you post pics from multiply with the multiply logo on the pics? tried embedding but this is what came out... anyways, some OH shots (geek mode: alcohol in general has OH in their chemical formula>>>if i remember correctly)
edit: embedding works pala! wooohooo! hehehe =)

lakwatsera? not quite!

My Lakbayan grade is C-!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

fortune cookie

my facebook fortune cookie read:
YOU WILL LOSE SOMETHING AND FIND IT AGAIN...
hmmmm... whatever it is that's good news =) hahahaha

You're a Peace!


Tickle's Original Inkblot Test

Brought to you by Tickle

storm's over... (for now)

i hope... for real... =)

suddenly i feel unaffected... finally the emotions have subsided... =) but it could be because my attention got diverted to other stuf (ie strict parentals)... good thing we played badminton, else i would have had the time to dwell and feel extremely angry about it... maybe i'm partly at fault but the heck i'm freaking 2x years old already! what do they want me to do, go out during the day only???!!!! that's so high school (but since they're strict for me that doesn't even apply). maybe they are hoping that i can be like a homebuddy or something BUT i want to LIVE life in my own little way you know! it's not that excessive actually. i know my limits and wouldn't do anything irresponsible that would compromise myself and my safety at the very least.... it's august. it's my birthmonth... going to be another year older... it seems to me na tumatanda akong paurong... i don't want to be like other people trying to turn back the time and "relive" their "missed out life". (case in point, married but buhay single)... haaayyyy... so much for hoping to celebrate this month with a bang... or at least in a somewhat grown-up my age way... lucky me... no BOOOOO ME!

other news: tired of this roller coaster emotion of hoping and getting disappointed... rest muna... kung wala e di wala! leche!>>>bitter syempre hahahaha

roller coaster week

onion-skinned = joyce

Moody Mach on the loose again! geek mode, for the benefit of non-Chem engg peeps and because i want to blab: Moody, if i remember correctly refers to a diagram we used for referencing the Reynold's number which is the ratio of inertial forces to viscous forces and the friction coefficients. Meanwhile, Mach refers to the number that you can use to determine the type of flow in comparison to the speed of sound. so yeah feel free to correct me ChE friends! hehehe =)

been extremely moody for this week but mostly my mood seemed to have matched the weather. at the same time i had this seemingly insatiable hunger that i kept on craving for food. imagine, right after dinner i'll already be thinking of what I'm going to eat when I get home! talk about buhay baboy. good thing i finally felt full today! hahaha =) i guess it's the hormones acting up... Or

there's something really bothering me (could be age/bday related)... so how should i call it, pre mid-life crisis??? hopefully this episode ends soon... hope the subic escapade pushes through (but i gotta get the permits/clearances from the parentals first!)... i'm not exactly stressed but i think i need the trip too since bangkok is a no-go already... *sweet escape*

this is not rock-bottom but gravity has pulled me i guess where i should really be. i must have forgotten that only our spirits can fly and what i've been seeing and feeling was an illusion or a dream. With all that's been happening I seem to have lost myself again and can't find Me. BUT this shouldn't stop me from turning dreams into reality, from making illusions come to life, from living life! Can I actually do this?

*if i turn into another, dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me...*

I can only hope...and here I thought... I built castles in the air... and I'm back to zero again. But then again, did I really go beyond zero? it was just a figment of my imagination... and i'm at fault because I knew. But I have to admit, I had fun building the castle or at least tried to build one...

*you don't mean nothing at all to me... but you got what it takes to set me free..."

experience life. embrace life. reach for the stars

to go or not to go...

well i guess it's somewhat a bit early for me to be thinking about this right now considering I don't have a fallback yet... I would still need to give atan something, I would still need to reapply kina jake... but they can wait after I receive feedback from Friday's talk/tour... I'm hoping for the best but scared at the same time... it's good to have a choice but sometimes it's just so much easier if there's none... parang sign na dito ka dapat... there's this one thing I realized from Friday's escapade though: my ENGLISH sucks big time!!!!!

anyway, posting this article here so I won't forget... saktong sakto!

4 ways to make any job good
by Penelope Trunk

The best way to be happier at work is to take personal responsibility for your workplace well-being. Any job can be better than it is right now.Here are four ways you can improve your job instead of relying on your boss or your company to change:

1. Make a friend at work.
People with one friend at work are much more likely to find their work interesting. And people with three friends at work are virtually guaranteed to be very satisfied with their life, according to extensive research from Gallup published in the book "Vital Friends" by Tom Rath. These findings are independent of what a person's job entails, and what their home life is like.

On one level, this isn't surprising. We're better equipped to deal with hardship if we have friends near us, and we have more fun when we're with friends. So a friend allows us to deal with the ups and downs of work much more easily. (sobrang relate ako!!!huge factor!!!)

We often think of work and life as separate, and consequently fortify our home life with friends. But we need different friends for different contexts. Having someone you can count on at work to care about you and understand you feeds your soul in a way that used to apply only at home.

Of course, once you have this information, you have to figure out the most effective ways to make friends at work. Because friends don't just materialize in your cubicle -- you need to cultivate them.

2. Decrease your commute time by moving closer to work.
More than three million people have a commute that lasts more than 90 minutes. Many of them justify this commute by saying that their job is worth it, or that it allows them to have a bigger house. But the commute may be doing them great harm at home and at work.

Humans can adjust to almost any amount of bad news, according to Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert. In his book "Stumbling on Happiness," he shows that we think losing a limb will be terrible, but in fact we adjust to it pretty well. In fact, in the long run it generally doesn't affect our level of happiness.

A commute is different, though. It's impossible to adjust to because the way in which it's bad changes every day. So the tension of not knowing what will be bad, and when it will be bad, and not being able to control those things, means we're unable to use our outstanding mental abilities to adjust.

Here's the clincher, though: Even though people tell themselves it won't happen to them, a bad commute spills over into the rest of the day for almost everyone. If you have a bad commute on the way to work and you walk into the office in a bad mood, that's the mood you're likely to have all day. And if you have a bad commute on the way home, you'll probably still be grouchy by the time you go to bed.

3. Know when it's not about your job.
I'm not certain whether this is good news or bad news, but the connection between your job and your happiness is overrated. In general, the kind of work you do isn't going to have huge bearing on whether you're happy or not.

To be sure, your work can make you unhappy (see No. 2 above, for example), but work isn't going to give you the key to the meaning of life or anything like that.

Still, you can do a quick check to make sure you have a job that's good for you. A good job:
• Stretches you without defeating you
• Provides clear goals
• Provides unambiguous feedback
• Provides a sense of control

If you have these things in your job and you're still not happy, it's not your job -- it's you. (hmmmm...so is it just me or not????)

So maybe it's time to start looking inside yourself to figure out what's wrong, instead of blaming everything on your job. I'm a big fan of getting help when you feel stuck. Sure, we can all get ourselves through life, but it's often easier to get where you want to be faster if you have someone to help you overcome your barriers.

To this end, you need to know if you need a career coach or a shrink. And if your job meets the criteria on the above list, you could probably use help from a mental health professional in order to find ways to get happier.

4. Do good deeds.
Help people. Be kind. Don't think about what you get in return. Just be nice. In this way, you can make the world a better place in the job you have right now.

Take personal responsibility for your happiness during the day, and do things that make you feel good. You've heard a lot of this before. If you go to the gym, your mood will get better (and your mind will be sharper). If you eat healthy food, you feel better than if you go to McDonald's for lunch. And if you do random acts of kindness, you get as much out of it as the person you're being kind to.

But most importantly, stop looking for your work to give your life meaning. The meaning of life is in your relationships. Cultivate them. A good job is a nice thing to have, but only in the context of larger meaning.

If you're happy outside of work, where you don't rely on your boss or your company, then finding happiness at work will be that much easier.