cold...

..::lost in space::..
..::uninspired::..
..::show me the way out::..

~prevailing thought these past days: sawa na ako... hindi na ako masaya...~

..::the stars winked::..

~pakner ley's in sing na pala... and i can only conclude na he's in the industry...major inggit!!!~

....when will it be me?....

(*finally a post*)

came from my cousin's wedding today where I was a cord sponsor...(didn't bring my camera along so no instant pictures). it was a simple wedding but a meaningful one just the same... and i had to try different means to keep me from shedding tears... i mean i totally can feel the whole ambiance and all... during the wedding march though no one was actually crying, and though ate is already at the "prime" age, feel na feel ko yung moment... maluha-luha ako... prang ang surreal ng lahat...

my thoughts:
~when will it be me?.................................................................................
i guess that sums it all up... though i would say to myself, one day i wanna do the same... but if there's nobody, then that's just too bad... so each day i go on hoping...

current addictions:
princess hours! ehehe :D

we're back and we're broke... (back-broke!!!!)
but i can't wait to go back...
i have to go back...
we have to go back...

Guys, sorry if I've been MIA...

pics will be uploaded soon... (hopefully, since i still owe the team xmas party pics. back-logs are piling... deadliest deadlines are fast-approaching!)

PPR time! hope it will turn out well... it's actually 1:37 now, since I browsed a little - well yeah, quite a lot. semi-technology dependent...i can actually go on days/weeks without tv/net etc... but not that long! sort of need to make up for lost time!!! ahaha

can't help but feel betrayed... someone has been definitely unfair... so not good for you... besides since when has it been "good for you". ahahaha...

australians seem cute! lims, i know what i want as pasalubong from australia now! *wink* >>> and no, i have not been to australia! i am but a middle-class citizen and i can only wish...

thanks

these came in today....thanks...

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! GOD BLESS!

tiredness...

just got back from the oathtaking ceremony @ the Manila Hotel.

going mad on polka dots!!! ika nga ni polo: "annie batungbakal!!!" ahaha... well, at least i felt i stood out! ahaha so yeah, it's true as long as you feel good about yourself and what you're wearing... who cares what other people say! from the very start i was really going for a "polka-dotted" outfit. good thing i found one that is within budget! ehehe

Well, technically we left at around i guess 4:30pm but we headed to superbowl greenhills where we met my sibs and aunt and cousins. and yeah, yesterday after Mass we went to Makati to the some "gift shopping/hunting". not really have a long list but still have a few to buy still. so now i'm left with work-related stuff(i can count 5 on my list!!!!grrrrrr!!!!), semi-work-related stuff (ahem xmas party #2), buying the remaining "gifts", writing cards for the fam, wrapping gifts for the fam, wrapping gifts for around 50 people (splitting the work with jen), packing... whew! so it's really kind of been hectic. i wonder how other people seem to be able to do more. anyway, gotta catch up on the work-related stuff...

again, CONGRATULATIONS to all the new chemical engineers!!!
thank you Lord, for making all things happen...
thank you Papa and Mama, for always being there...
thank you batchmates, for the camaraderie and a memorable college life...
thank you janna and joddy, for the bonding sessions...
thank you friends, for all the prayers, chats, breathers, sessions, etc...
to everyone else and everyone (huh?!!!), for the memories, and being a part of my life.

pictures will be uploaded in my multiply site. (hopefully batchmates will give me a copy of the pix from their camera too! ehehe)

ATTN: batchmates, txt nio/inform nio nman ako please kung kelan kayo kuha nung pix! thx! :)

look up in the sky! pollutants galore?!!!!

they're so nice to look at (nevermind the damage to the atmosphere?). anyway, these pics make me feel somewhat better with my camera... i am not a hobbyist or anything but that olympus camera i saw in the papers one time was sooo cool! the one you can actually take with you when you're snorkeling... but fact of life, you can't have everything. so i'm lucky i have one of my own. that should matter more. one thing sucks though, watching the fireworks through an LCD screen!. i'll upload the videos (with all the shaking that might make you feel a little dizzy) on my multiply next time.

i have my dress for the oathtaking! Many thanks Sodexho! ahaha! really what a pleasant surprise... but still have quite a handful to buy or accomplish still.

Box full of memories

Disclaimer: Again pardon for all the drama, apparently I’m on this emo mode which I don’t know when will end…

I was digging through this “box” were I kept thingamajings with “sentimental values” and came across this unused card which I bought sometime in 2002… 4 years pala not three… that f*cking long already… I’m that f*cking old… I’m a f*cking overage member of the nbsb crew already.. when will I f*cking graduate?… or will I ever?

Words by Derrick Barnes

Never in my wildest dreams
would I have thought
that I would ever meet
a soul as beautiful as you.
If someone would’ve told me
that in my future
an angel would drop from the sky
into my world,
I wouldn’t have believed them,
even if they were psychic.
The things you speak of, your thoughts,
the way you express and share
your emotions –
all blend perfectly with
how I’ve always longed to feel.
If there is, indeed,
“somebody for everybody”
in this great big place,
my “someone” has arrived.
You have given me
a joy beyond words
and a love that everyone
hopes to find.
Seems as if we’re allowed
one true love…
and you are mine.

I can remember me especially liking the last line. As always, regrets… somehow I think I wouldn’t be like this right now if I did this and that…

not so random song:
Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
Can't you see, (ohhh) that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, (I should know) cos I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go
[Thanks to Swish2115@aol.com for these lyrics]

wish ko lang....

wishful thinking - Material girl mode

• cds: lighthouse family, rascal flatts, goo goo dolls, bukas palad christmas album, etc.
• stitch/care bears "huggables"
• dvds (series:koreanovelas, csi etc.; movies: amelie, rent, il mare etc)
• bags
• hankies (armando caruso) - lose them a lot! (hehe)
• books
• miracle/thierry mugler perfume
• bag charm, earrings, accessories (kikay stuff - not too kikay though! ahaha)
• pink jacket (aka esc '05-'06)

desperate mode/topak mode

• boylet specifically... ahahaha

thought for the day: "the world has become too big... much too big..."
while for awkward moments though this applies: "the world is too small... much too crowded even for two people..."

as always... still no guts...

truthfully...

disclaimer: (too much drama for this post beware)

He makes all things possible...

and because of that we are indebted to HIM... we wouldn't have made it if not for Him... your prayers and your support... Thank you very much... i've never been this happy... naluha ako sa tuwa nang makita ko ang pangalan ko... kasi masaya ako at masasabi kong tapos na xa... at dahil pinaghirapan ko yun... mas masarap sa pakiramdam ang nakamtan mo ang isang bagay na pinaghirapan mo instead of taking things for granted... you appreciate everything and life is more meaningful... Lord, thank you very much... St. Jude thank you for the intercession...

to my felllow batchmates, para sa lahat ng puyat, pag-aaral at pagdadasal sa grounds ng MLQU bago magpunta sa rooms... ENGINEERS na tayo! CONGRATS!

Cheers!!!!!

This one's for you Chinx! Happy Birthday and Congratulations! You're now a Certified Public Accountant! I'm really happy for you! You deserve it! May you have more blessings to come! Love you friend!!!! *mwah*

current ym status: "if I could flly away..." --- it's NO to distractions till the 16th!!!

just one blunt comment was all i needed to hurl me back to reality and make me realize i've been reacting incorrectly - in such a way to invite not avoid them... that night the stars twinkled...

ride the waves but don't let the current control you...
don't let your guard down if you're not ready to be exposed...
danger lurks out in the open, so be prepared...
and if you should fall, get up...
withdraw and fallback, then reinforce your walls...

i got carried away... thanks for the reality check...
... this is why i'm becoming numb...boo me! but i can't deal...i'd really rather not...

MIA...

and the countdown begins... not really... but on my way home when i cut review class to get my facial earlier and to arrive home well before 8pm, i suddenly realized that it's just like two more weeks of review and then the post-test... it's hard to discipline oneself and juggle work and review and nothing more... goodbye amazing race?CSI?treasure hunters? saturday family day out? huuuuuuuuuuu.... but at some point i know i really have to... but it's hard since i am trying to squeeze in extra work hours. i know i am only paid as much but my pace somehow cannot keep up with my deliverables... it is encouraging though that my parents are very supportive of me... well, for them to say "konting tiis na lang, pagtiyagaan mo na", and to say that my dad was able to do it on his own without the aid of a review center and that he did it in more or less a month, i would say it's a toss between encouraging and nerve wracking! hello pressure!!!! i've got barely a month to get my act together... and it's so nice to hear that my batchmates who decided that opportunity is not something you just let go of, are thinking of postponing taking the exam!!!! but in as much as i want to postpone too so that i don't have to deal, i can't... and I hope I have the blessing of the Lord in this decision. i can only delay application for NBI clearance (Cha, if you're reading this, I checked the PRC website nothing there states that we need one but Erwin I think mentioned that it is an exemption for us! i can only wonder why?!!!!), having my "mugshot" (is that how you spell it? too lazy to check, in a hurry to "scan notes" but itching to blog)...

anyone out there reading this, please include me and my batchmates in your prayers. to my batchmates, may God bless us!

as for work, I'm really having trouble keeping up. i am really doing what i can to measure up with the expected workload but somehow i still find myself lagging behind at the end of the day. considering that i almost don't chat anymore, scan blogs, etc... but on the light side, i feel more at ease now with my team mates... i'm just a bit concerned that they're pairing me off with this person and that... it's nothing really to me and take it as nothing personal and all part of office dynamics (interrelationships) and as best as i can ride along. but it has come to my attention that should i not react negatively or dislike/distaste in what they're doing my image might suffer in the long run. rumors can get pretty nasty. remarking: "ano ba yan, para na akong pokpok" may do little to communicate to the rest of the world that i'm not a flirt! i know it really should not be a big deal. it's just good that somebody warned me early on so that i can also warn others in the process. not everybody knows me well enough but everybody's a judge of someone else's character and i cannot always go on explaining myself to them... proactive monitoring lang... :D

***all i can hear is my mind talking... but i have to hear my heart as well... there's so much noise i can't hear it... or i could feel it reaching out to me yet i choose to ignore and pretend to be deaf...***
***i think i've become numb again and closed my doors... i know it, i'm waiting for you to let me feel it... it seems texting ain't enough...***