Deactivate!

So on a whim, I decided to deactivate my facebook yet again. I doubt it that I'll be able to keep this deactivated for a long time but for some reason I'm terribly feeling anti-social today. I guess I'm too selective that even if we know each other I don't want to be connected. Sure there are ways to restrict but somehow I still feel like being connected makes you lose a bit of what's left of that little privacy of what you want to share in facebook... It's enough that it's an avenue for topics/non-topics and you're basically putting yourself under the microscope. I am too weak-willed to decline the requests as well, especially if (I feel like) I've ran out of excuses. Somehow, there are people/acquaintances you want to remain just professional contacts with. Now, I'm pondering what I'd do moving forward considering the role I chose. It's inevitable that people may want to 'stay connected'. It would be good if they just try and look me up because that will somehow lessen the chances of finding me. The problem is if they ask me if I have an account. Either I say yes or no. No, whether being a lie or not leads to people making conclusions of your being too secretive or anti-social behavior. Saying yes, leads to requesting for you guys to stay connected.

Call me an alarmist but I'm seriously freaked out that somehow, someone has more access than I want them to. I've already modified my settings prior to this but somehow, I suddenly feel I should filter some more if not block or remove all posts. On top of that, I don't even know how that ticker (if that's what you call it) privacy can be controlled. And with that, the easiest would be to deactivate. This is a temporary solution but I've done it before, deleted it even so I think I can do it again. Some things never change probably and maybe that includes my attitude of wanting to keep things compartmentalized... Of course, I don't like that same feeling as well, which this deactivation is also able to address temporarily. Although I'd say I'm just too darn confused right now.

"I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown..and I don't know why" I managed to fall asleep after deactivating but then some few minutes or hours after I wake up agitated and my heart beating fast but more like palpitating. For all I know, there's a part of me that wants to run away and hide due to plain cowardice and weakness. From where or who and why, well that's the problem. There's really nothing to run away from. I should really go back to sleep...

"Suppose I say, I'm on my best behavior..

Would you want me when I'm not myself?.."

Summer 2013

As May ends, so does summer in this tropical island I call home, as well. In the past two years, I unfortunately did not get a chance to explore our many beaches here as I usually do as most locals here in the previous years. 2011 was mostly spent on personal overseas trips while 2012 was spent in vanity land for work purposes. This year, I think that somehow I was able to make up for it.

1. Sorsogon-Legazpi, April 2013

A DIY backpacking trip with my mom and sister. In a nutshell, it consisted of kayaking and trekking at the Bulusan lake, dipping in the Irosin hot spring, island hopping in Matnog and ATV driving near the Cagsawa church ruins. I've been to Caramoan and Calaguas but Matnog was just as great. There's so much to see and experience in the Bicol region that one visit is not enough to get through them all. It's also cool that I got to visit these places while they weren't that popular and developed yet... There's a certain charm on being able to visit these places without the luxury of urban amenities... Hopefully, I will get the chance to share our itinerary because blogs have been very helpful for us when we were trying to put them together. Of course, having friends from Bicol to provide tips and insights also helped a lot.

2. Hundred Islands, Alaminos, Pangasinan, May 2013

It's probably my third time to visit and although it may not be as good as the others, it's still worth visiting considering the proximity to Manila. It is still a relatively long drive, about 4 hours, but this can make for a quick weekend escape. The highlight was in being able to visit a 'virgin' island which did not have any structures in it, unlike the others to cater to tourists/visitors. Quezon Island was too crowded at that time so we opted to bum out in the nearby Lopez island instead.

3. Liw-Liwa, San Felipe, Zambales, May 2013

An off the beaten path that is way less crowded, not overrated, laidback and certainly not commercialized hideaway to bum out and learn skimboarding/surfing. The vibe is very friendly and again forget luxury, simple living is the rule here. I'd definitely want to come back here just to chill out. Another highlight was just hanging out on those boulders and being able to see a shooting star for the first time! I definitely enjoyed my time here, in good company of course. It was funny and amusing seeing an atv there too considering the inside joke...

"I dig my toes into the sand...

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket

I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless

And in this moment, I am happy..."

Spot on!

Quotes that somehow have been spot on especially since this past year:

Be patient is a good advice. But the waiting makes me curious. - Alice

You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to step away from the shore. -Andre Gide

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams because they feel that they don't deserve them. - manuscript found in accra

Choice. Chance. Change. You must make a Choice, to take a Chance or your life will never Change. - anonymous

When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day. - Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

Everyone's got baggage, it's part of life. But like anything else it's easier when someone gives you a hand with it. - Ted, HIMYM

If you have chemistry you only need one other thing - timing. But timing's a bitch. - Robin, HIMYM

Truth is, everybody's going to hurt you; you just have to find the ones worth suffering for. - Bob Marley

What hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye. - life of pi

Never let your past experiences harm your future. Your past can't be altered and your future doesn't deserve the punishment. - anonymous

Bloom where you're planted.

We are all destined to be great.

Fill your heart with gratefulness.

You don't always get what you want instead you get what you need.

It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing.- timelines, motion city soundtrack

An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming. - anonymous

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't. And believe that everything happens for a reason... If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it would be easy... They just promised it would be worth it. - anonymous

Have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you planned it but how it's meant to be... 

Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part will come later- MoS

Anxious

"There is nothing wrong with anxiety. Although we cannot control God’s time, it is part of the human condition to want to receive the thing we are waiting for as quickly as possible. Or to drive away whatever is causing our fear. . . . Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it—just as we have learned to live with storms." - paulo coelho, manuscript found in accra

I must admit I am starting to get anxious for feedback and details on what I am thinking is another leap of adventure for me... In one way or another it's been affecting my attitude, stress management and in some cases emotions as well. I have to keep reminding myself to stay patient, bear with it, keep focused and continue to positive. The most important of all, is to stay put and comply as usual. It's no excuse to try and escape on some tasks and get irritable when not getting away with it. Unfortunately, I've fallen into this self-trap several times. Patience...

The minions survived the outbreak!

Well sort of...

Last 04.13.2014, we had an awesome time during a fun run all thanks to Outbreak Manila BGC 2! It was my first time to run and luckily I did not get injured to ruin the experience for me.. The zombies were too many and too hungry for those health flags it's really a wonder how you'd survive the 5km path with at least a single health flag remaining. From the start of the race, we realized right away how we can't be complacent and not run for our lives. I've ran a 5km fun run before but never did I have to dash every so often... In the end, we decided to just enjoy it and have our pictures taken with the zombies. It was also cool that many people (zombies included) found our costume cool enough for them to ask to have their pictures taken with us. Haha

All in all, for me it was worth the fee I paid (and my sister who also enjoyed it greatly) to join this race. Maybe next time, it will be a good experience to join as zombies...

Alternative retail therapy

I have this friend who is collecting lego minifigures and I've accompanied her countless times when she goes to the different toy stores on an almost daily basis to check out their stocks and see if they have something for her that she could add to her collection. Not once was I enticed to buy one for myself until I tried to get her one abroad but a dear friend paid for it so I decided to keep one for myself as remembrance.

Fast forward a few weeks since, nothing new was added until I got into the hype of getting a chicken suit minifigure.

Then a few days after, since I am a bit stressed and therefore hyper-sensitive and emotional I decided to visit a toy store to see if they have anything that I find cute (ex. i was keen on getting the brave character). You see, I don't plan on collecting but somehow it kind of feels nice to buy those cute ones if they were available. Who would have thought I'd hit the jackpot and the store carried an older series, series 6 to be exact, the one with the sleepyhead! Not only that they just restocked! I had to restrain myself from getting a lot but somehow I still ended up with 4... Since I can't really shop right now, this looks like the (cheaper) alternative for those moments when I feel like indulging or rewarding myself... (Perfumes or sunglasses or watches are way outside of my budget right now...)

Back to basics

Among the many things that the leap of adventure I took beginning last year has taught me so far (really it acted like a catalyst to speed up my learning and help me catch up in maturing), there are still a few changes I'm beginning to realize now.
Over the weekend, and last Monday, I found myself being grounded enough to enjoy just food tripping at the kiosks or just sitting at the food court. While trying to pass the time before our outbreak run (more on that next time), instead of being at one of the fast food chains or trying out the latest craze in the area, me and my sister just bought some snacks at the food kiosks and sat at the mall center to enjoy our food. By Monday, I did the same and the funny thing is I was enjoying it. There was a time, that I'd cringe if I had to eat at a food court. To me it felt like, depriving yourself too much. I guess it also had to do with the fact that my parents didn't oblige me to be responsible for anything huge and I wasn't really focused on saving. Sure I'm frugal and a spendthrift but there are things that I was sort of sensitive about and thus spend money on.
Because, I had time to spare before I met up with my other friends for dinner, I thought of ways to pass the time. I tried window shopping but in the end gave up and decided to just sit down at the food court again, doodle with my phone and wait. As I waited, it hit me, that in the past this was definitely not how I would behave. I would either find myself in a coffee shop or go shopping to pass the time. Amazing how my spending habits are changing due to that investment which is eating up a chunk of my salary. I can still manage but it feels different not having the same amount of money which used to be just extra. I did play with the thought of shopping but just imagining the boxes and luggage I haven't fully unloaded and tidied yet was enough to discourage me. I've accummulated so much stuff I need to sort through. So for now, it's simple living and back to basics for me.

Scent hunt

For some reason, I've been wanting to get a new perfume but I didn't know which one to get. Sure I'm a fan of Perry Ellis 360 and Issey Miyake or also of Clinique Happy, Incanto Charms and Light Blue but since last year I really wanted to try a new one. Just this March I did happen to go through the ICN duty free shops but none really caught my attention. Maybe partly because I was looking for Escada Taj Sunset which unfortunately as confirmed by a friend when I asked her to look it up for me in SG (they say it's a bit cheap there) is no longer available. I came across this while I was out at Funan square with another friend back in SG last 2011 and the scent just sort of stuck with me. I was on a business trip back then and I couldn't really shop due to the nature of the trip.
Then I told another friend about it and we ended up looking for recommendations online, narrowing down the list to 5 based on the descriptions, reviews and popularity:
1. Chanel No. 5
2. Gucci Guilty black
3. Escada
4. CK Euphoria
5. Bvlgari Jasmin Noir

He willingly indulged me by going with me to a department store and sniff them out. The sales clerks were kind enough to accommodate us as we figure out which scents were good and which weren't. There were a few other good recommendations but I've sort of forgotten them as two stood out, one more than the other.
1. Chanel No. 5 is not really my type or suited for my age.
2. Gucci Guilty Black - all it took was one sniff and I knew this was good and one smell I'd really love. It was sweet but it still was unique in its own way.
3. Escada - they were good but they couldn't really compare to #2 or maybe I was still hung over when I checked them out.
4. CK Euphoria Forbidden - loved the scent and a cheaper alternative for #2.
5. Bvlgari Jasmin Noir - not my kind of scent again.

There were some that seemed good and light enough as a summer/day scent but I was hooked on 2 and 4.

Too bad, my birthday is still a couple of months away and I couldn't really bug people to get me either. At least now I know which one I'd get given the chance (aka budget). :D

Life's lessons from a hit tv series

Managed to catch up with latest episode from the latest season (yay!). Well until last week that is...

3 Cs

Choice
Chance
Change

You must make a choice,
To take a chance,
Or your life will never change.

Everyday is a challenge and an opportunity. There are safe choices and those that require us to come out of our shells and take leaps. It's a matter of perspective, however. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the Cs I made that they will pan out, God-willing.

Disaster waiting to happen..

So clumsy klutz and stupid me strikes yet again leaving battle scars behind. My lower back still hurts. I've got bruises on my knees and a nasty wound-scar just above the bridge of my nose. Never mind that I also cut myself. It's like I'm either a disaster waiting to happen or a magnet for one.

Beyond the physical though, what irks me the most right now is the emotional imbalance that resulted out of plain stupidity. I guess it could have been worse: accident/disaster but sometimes I wonder who's to say accidents are that bad. Those accidents or misfortunes that we think of may actually be blessings in disguise (ex. the abrupt end of my assignment). After all, as I've said it's also about adjusting and making the most out of a situation.

Unfortunately, at the last minute, my guard/wall came down (again) and I found myself weak and vulnerable. It's a good thing, I was able to pull through and played it safe... Else, I would have ended picking up shattered pieces... Again. They say there's two sides to a coin and if I hadn't played it safe I'd be either torn or broken (go figure!). Kind of a lose-lose situation if I stick to the thought that I deserve better. IMHO, it would have been the latter, broken from rejection (again) and of another kind which was new and foreign to me. Gah! Obviously, I'm hating myself for that.

Don't get me wrong, I know my place and very well my worth. That's why I know this moment of weakness won't last long... It ain't my loss.

For now, stupidity strikes again... Grrr...hopefully, next time lightning na (kung sino man)...

Bloom where you are planted

While many may say high school was the best time during their younger years, mine would have to be college. I enjoyed college (and the years directly after it) more than I enjoyed high school. And a large part of it was because of my university, my peers/classmates who in turn became my closest friends and UP ALCHEMES. All others followed because of these three (i.e. UP PRIME and UP ESC). Amazing how the years have passed and now I am a proud alumna of this organization.

Looking back, my reasons for joining were just maybe to some shallow and random. Back then, the organization was very young and the underdog, the child born out of wedlock as one of my former professors said. Nonetheless, it is where I found what it's like to be a UP student, learning both in and outside of the classroom while having fun.

It doesn't really matter which organization you choose to belong to. There's always something good bound to happen whichever choice you make. It's about trying to "bloom where you are planted." Nonetheless, I am happy with the choice I made and I am very proud at how far this organization has come and is going. The culture and demographic seems to be changing than how I remembered it to be but I hope that the members will keep growing with it while still having fun. College starts to define who you are as you try and enter adulthood but that shouldn't hinder you from having fun. It is still that time to be making those mistakes and being carefree after all. And as the organization evolves, may it still continue to strive for excellence and make a difference.

Congratulations and more power UP ALCHEMES!


SHAPE lives of others. UP ALCHEMES. from Derek Baterisna on Vimeo.
Service is not just something we do...
Humility is not just something we practice...
Academics is not only being promoted...
Professionalism and Excellence are not just ways of life...

They are our CORE VALUES.


University of the Philippines
Academic League of Chemical Engineering Students (UP ALCHEMES)


*Music: 'Paperman' by Christophe Beck

Timing

"Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing"

If I had to learn "everything happens for a reason" the hard way, the end of my assignment is teaching me all about timing... I guess a lot of it would still depend on your optimism, drive to move forward and a healthy+grounded state of mind but somehow this is how things are starting to make sense for me.

When one door closes, another if not a window, opens. I am lucky and blessed enough to have so many doors open for me. Many may say that I need not make a choice right now but then again, there are those that somehow present itself wide open right smack in your path and call onto you... It's enticing enough to make you want to venture into another yet unknown and take another leap of adventure, another chance for exploration, more lessons and living. *fingers crossed. He definitely has perfect timing. Thank You!

"Timelines"
Motion City Soundtrack

Sifting through the broken glass
The echoes of my ancient past
Keep flooding into every pore
Like scattered seeds of sycamore
Suddenly I started wondering how I got here

Was it a matter of time?

Catholic school my private Hell
I stuttered 'til the age of twelve
Discovered sex at seventeen
And soon thereafter Self Esteem
The days did not matter
And years were a lifetime away

Drowning in a heavy stock
Of teenage girls and Indie Rock
I flunked out of each college course
And set my sails for no remorse
The nights were for nowhere
And that's where I wanted to be

Someone said,
"It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing"

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing
Do you ever wonder how you got to here?

Branded, marked and paper thin
This angry saint went marching in
To war with scores of ninety proof
Found nothing but the ugly truth
The decade of wastage an instant
And everything's changed

Woke up feeling 35
Though grateful that I'm still alive
Another chance at normalcy
To chase the dream but now it seems
That days run away like wild horses over the hills

Someone said,
"It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing"

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It's just a matter of time
It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing
Do you ever wonder how you got to here?

Take it in and hold on while you can
All the destruction will one day end
And you'll finally know exactly who you are
It's just a matter of timing

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It's just a matter of time
It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
It’s just a matter of time
It’s not a matter of time, it’s just a matter of timing

Do you ever wonder how you got to here?
Do you ever wonder how you got to here?

http://youtu.be/FJBqja9Z6Ms

Prayer Request

*posting this nice and apt prayer that was handed out last Sunday at the Blessed John Paul II Parish...

Dear Lord,

I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.

Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said, or thought that was not pleasing to You. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my minds so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me NOT whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And it's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.

I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who don't share. I pray for those who don't believe.

I thank You that I believe. I believe that You change people and change things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love, and joy in their homes. I pray that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this prayer knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than You. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into hearts of every eye that sees it. In Jesus' name. Amen.