Definitely Asian

My nationality has been deceiving and locals from neighboring countries tend to think of me as a local and automatically speak to me in their local language. If I keep my mouth shut chances are they would assume I'm either:
1. Chinese - while in Shanghai
2. Korean - while in South Korea
3. Chinese, or Japanese - while in Myeongdong (Seoul). Sales ladies would call my attention in Korean, then Chinese, then Japanese if I don't acknowledge them. The last thing they'd do would be to speak in English although they have this natural aversion to the language.
4. Chinese/Thai in other SouthEast Asian countries
5. Korean - at the airport when flying Korean Air
6. Singaporean - in Manila just because my co-instructor was Singaporean.

Definitely Asian but more east asian than SouthEast probably. Coupled with a few compliments I am really flattered and thankful. They give me the confidence boost that I somewhat need considering the insecurities I've had to deal with in the past weeks... :)

Lone ranger

And so it begins...

One of the reasons I moved into this role aside from the many obvious ones was because I was not ready to give up travelling. I have been blessed enough to have travelled relatively a great deal because of my work. In my 6 years of stint with this company, I've been sent to Texas, Florida, China, Singapore, Indonesia, South Korea, (Australia if I didn't change roles). Those travels have opened opportunities and doors of all sorts for me that I really find them enjoyable in their own ways. Don't be mistaken that they are stress and problem free but it is better to just look on the bright side of things. I get to meet and interact with people, cultures, traditions and environments without breaking my bank.

I'm just in my fourth month in my new role and already I've been to Malaysia twice, Singapore, Brunei, South Korea and now in Shanghai. For the first time however, I am alone and such will be the usual case in my next travels. The solo adventures begins and I intend to enjoy and maximize it the best way I can. Although I don't have much time to explore getting to meet people has so far been really interesting and enjoyable for me. Making friends and connections in this great big multinational company is fun. I have already two travels scheduled for the next two months and the title, Travel Engineer only seems too apt. Nonetheless, I can't really complain. Ask me again after maybe a year but right now, I like my job.

Life has been good. I am definitely blessed and spoiled by Him that all I can think of the trials that I go through is because He has better things planned and in store for me. It might eventually become monotonous and the travelling might be too much or tiring, so I don't know how it'll be after a year. Also, I don't know how I will have a family of my own but I hope and pray that is included in His plan for me. In the meantime, I go where He wants me to go. Thank You!

You

I was going to write a long litany of thank you for being there, for being a security blanket. I've become too dependent on people when it comes to these things that maybe people are trying to avoid me and my emotional baggage. Right now, I am trying my best to pull myself together without calling for help even though I'm on the edge of another breakdown. As the quote puts it, cry but learn to smile through the tears. I've wasted so much tears on this already. So this is what unrequited love feels like...

Nonetheless, inappropriate as it may seem, the thought of you there helps me get through this. My self-esteem and confidence is really at its lowest but hoping that you're still there for me uplifts me... I hope if God wills it, you'd still be there after I get through this... 

Solanin

Solanin - Akfg

Even if that frail happiness

Had somehow lingered on

A bad seed would surely have sprouted

So I guess this is goodbye

Goodbye, that's enough

You can cope anywhere

Goodbye, I'll manage somehow too

Goodbye, that's what I'll do...

Ja ne!

First love...

Too many thoughts, realizations, overwhelming emotions sometimes ironic: bitter and sweet, happy and sad, painful and peaceful... For old time's sake, being back in Seohyeon, revisiting/reliving bits of my old life, it's deja vu. Probably March was not the proper goodbye I had hoped to make for closure. now, I might finally be coming full circle - closing the loop. In His perfect time, it finally is time to really move on. Appreciate things for as they are and not as they were. But treasure the moments turned great memories. Now I see, it's not really about a boy or boys... It was really just about me and Korea, our 9-month love affair. I guess Korea is my first love after all. Korea will always have a special place in my heart...

Favorite things

So today, I managed to put up that display cabinet... finally, I must say! So now, the globes I bought and received from all over are finally out of their boxes or wherever there was space to put them in. The lego minifigures are also out of their foil packs although I don't really intend to collect those as there are too many (expensive and some hard to find) of them.  One stitch and larva had a place to stay too! I look forward to more globes and other thingamajings that I can add but nonetheless, I thank my friends for indulging me. Maybe a matryoshka and haechi would be nice. Definitely more liao's please (especially from Turn Left, Turn Right)! We'll see.

*that Cuervo bottle was used to store the sands I somehow snagged (unwisely) from Caramoan although me and Jose have quite a history so you can also say he's an accidental favorite. 

Deactivate!

So on a whim, I decided to deactivate my facebook yet again. I doubt it that I'll be able to keep this deactivated for a long time but for some reason I'm terribly feeling anti-social today. I guess I'm too selective that even if we know each other I don't want to be connected. Sure there are ways to restrict but somehow I still feel like being connected makes you lose a bit of what's left of that little privacy of what you want to share in facebook... It's enough that it's an avenue for topics/non-topics and you're basically putting yourself under the microscope. I am too weak-willed to decline the requests as well, especially if (I feel like) I've ran out of excuses. Somehow, there are people/acquaintances you want to remain just professional contacts with. Now, I'm pondering what I'd do moving forward considering the role I chose. It's inevitable that people may want to 'stay connected'. It would be good if they just try and look me up because that will somehow lessen the chances of finding me. The problem is if they ask me if I have an account. Either I say yes or no. No, whether being a lie or not leads to people making conclusions of your being too secretive or anti-social behavior. Saying yes, leads to requesting for you guys to stay connected.

Call me an alarmist but I'm seriously freaked out that somehow, someone has more access than I want them to. I've already modified my settings prior to this but somehow, I suddenly feel I should filter some more if not block or remove all posts. On top of that, I don't even know how that ticker (if that's what you call it) privacy can be controlled. And with that, the easiest would be to deactivate. This is a temporary solution but I've done it before, deleted it even so I think I can do it again. Some things never change probably and maybe that includes my attitude of wanting to keep things compartmentalized... Of course, I don't like that same feeling as well, which this deactivation is also able to address temporarily. Although I'd say I'm just too darn confused right now.

"I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown..and I don't know why" I managed to fall asleep after deactivating but then some few minutes or hours after I wake up agitated and my heart beating fast but more like palpitating. For all I know, there's a part of me that wants to run away and hide due to plain cowardice and weakness. From where or who and why, well that's the problem. There's really nothing to run away from. I should really go back to sleep...

"Suppose I say, I'm on my best behavior..

Would you want me when I'm not myself?.."

Summer 2013

As May ends, so does summer in this tropical island I call home, as well. In the past two years, I unfortunately did not get a chance to explore our many beaches here as I usually do as most locals here in the previous years. 2011 was mostly spent on personal overseas trips while 2012 was spent in vanity land for work purposes. This year, I think that somehow I was able to make up for it.

1. Sorsogon-Legazpi, April 2013

A DIY backpacking trip with my mom and sister. In a nutshell, it consisted of kayaking and trekking at the Bulusan lake, dipping in the Irosin hot spring, island hopping in Matnog and ATV driving near the Cagsawa church ruins. I've been to Caramoan and Calaguas but Matnog was just as great. There's so much to see and experience in the Bicol region that one visit is not enough to get through them all. It's also cool that I got to visit these places while they weren't that popular and developed yet... There's a certain charm on being able to visit these places without the luxury of urban amenities... Hopefully, I will get the chance to share our itinerary because blogs have been very helpful for us when we were trying to put them together. Of course, having friends from Bicol to provide tips and insights also helped a lot.

2. Hundred Islands, Alaminos, Pangasinan, May 2013

It's probably my third time to visit and although it may not be as good as the others, it's still worth visiting considering the proximity to Manila. It is still a relatively long drive, about 4 hours, but this can make for a quick weekend escape. The highlight was in being able to visit a 'virgin' island which did not have any structures in it, unlike the others to cater to tourists/visitors. Quezon Island was too crowded at that time so we opted to bum out in the nearby Lopez island instead.

3. Liw-Liwa, San Felipe, Zambales, May 2013

An off the beaten path that is way less crowded, not overrated, laidback and certainly not commercialized hideaway to bum out and learn skimboarding/surfing. The vibe is very friendly and again forget luxury, simple living is the rule here. I'd definitely want to come back here just to chill out. Another highlight was just hanging out on those boulders and being able to see a shooting star for the first time! I definitely enjoyed my time here, in good company of course. It was funny and amusing seeing an atv there too considering the inside joke...

"I dig my toes into the sand...

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket

I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless

And in this moment, I am happy..."

Spot on!

Quotes that somehow have been spot on especially since this past year:

Be patient is a good advice. But the waiting makes me curious. - Alice

You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to step away from the shore. -Andre Gide

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams because they feel that they don't deserve them. - manuscript found in accra

Choice. Chance. Change. You must make a Choice, to take a Chance or your life will never Change. - anonymous

When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day. - Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

Everyone's got baggage, it's part of life. But like anything else it's easier when someone gives you a hand with it. - Ted, HIMYM

If you have chemistry you only need one other thing - timing. But timing's a bitch. - Robin, HIMYM

Truth is, everybody's going to hurt you; you just have to find the ones worth suffering for. - Bob Marley

What hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye. - life of pi

Never let your past experiences harm your future. Your past can't be altered and your future doesn't deserve the punishment. - anonymous

Bloom where you're planted.

We are all destined to be great.

Fill your heart with gratefulness.

You don't always get what you want instead you get what you need.

It's not a matter of time, it's just a matter of timing.- timelines, motion city soundtrack

An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming. - anonymous

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't. And believe that everything happens for a reason... If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it would be easy... They just promised it would be worth it. - anonymous

Have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you planned it but how it's meant to be... 

Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part will come later- MoS

Anxious

"There is nothing wrong with anxiety. Although we cannot control God’s time, it is part of the human condition to want to receive the thing we are waiting for as quickly as possible. Or to drive away whatever is causing our fear. . . . Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it—just as we have learned to live with storms." - paulo coelho, manuscript found in accra

I must admit I am starting to get anxious for feedback and details on what I am thinking is another leap of adventure for me... In one way or another it's been affecting my attitude, stress management and in some cases emotions as well. I have to keep reminding myself to stay patient, bear with it, keep focused and continue to positive. The most important of all, is to stay put and comply as usual. It's no excuse to try and escape on some tasks and get irritable when not getting away with it. Unfortunately, I've fallen into this self-trap several times. Patience...

The minions survived the outbreak!

Well sort of...

Last 04.13.2014, we had an awesome time during a fun run all thanks to Outbreak Manila BGC 2! It was my first time to run and luckily I did not get injured to ruin the experience for me.. The zombies were too many and too hungry for those health flags it's really a wonder how you'd survive the 5km path with at least a single health flag remaining. From the start of the race, we realized right away how we can't be complacent and not run for our lives. I've ran a 5km fun run before but never did I have to dash every so often... In the end, we decided to just enjoy it and have our pictures taken with the zombies. It was also cool that many people (zombies included) found our costume cool enough for them to ask to have their pictures taken with us. Haha

All in all, for me it was worth the fee I paid (and my sister who also enjoyed it greatly) to join this race. Maybe next time, it will be a good experience to join as zombies...

Alternative retail therapy

I have this friend who is collecting lego minifigures and I've accompanied her countless times when she goes to the different toy stores on an almost daily basis to check out their stocks and see if they have something for her that she could add to her collection. Not once was I enticed to buy one for myself until I tried to get her one abroad but a dear friend paid for it so I decided to keep one for myself as remembrance.

Fast forward a few weeks since, nothing new was added until I got into the hype of getting a chicken suit minifigure.

Then a few days after, since I am a bit stressed and therefore hyper-sensitive and emotional I decided to visit a toy store to see if they have anything that I find cute (ex. i was keen on getting the brave character). You see, I don't plan on collecting but somehow it kind of feels nice to buy those cute ones if they were available. Who would have thought I'd hit the jackpot and the store carried an older series, series 6 to be exact, the one with the sleepyhead! Not only that they just restocked! I had to restrain myself from getting a lot but somehow I still ended up with 4... Since I can't really shop right now, this looks like the (cheaper) alternative for those moments when I feel like indulging or rewarding myself... (Perfumes or sunglasses or watches are way outside of my budget right now...)

Back to basics

Among the many things that the leap of adventure I took beginning last year has taught me so far (really it acted like a catalyst to speed up my learning and help me catch up in maturing), there are still a few changes I'm beginning to realize now.
Over the weekend, and last Monday, I found myself being grounded enough to enjoy just food tripping at the kiosks or just sitting at the food court. While trying to pass the time before our outbreak run (more on that next time), instead of being at one of the fast food chains or trying out the latest craze in the area, me and my sister just bought some snacks at the food kiosks and sat at the mall center to enjoy our food. By Monday, I did the same and the funny thing is I was enjoying it. There was a time, that I'd cringe if I had to eat at a food court. To me it felt like, depriving yourself too much. I guess it also had to do with the fact that my parents didn't oblige me to be responsible for anything huge and I wasn't really focused on saving. Sure I'm frugal and a spendthrift but there are things that I was sort of sensitive about and thus spend money on.
Because, I had time to spare before I met up with my other friends for dinner, I thought of ways to pass the time. I tried window shopping but in the end gave up and decided to just sit down at the food court again, doodle with my phone and wait. As I waited, it hit me, that in the past this was definitely not how I would behave. I would either find myself in a coffee shop or go shopping to pass the time. Amazing how my spending habits are changing due to that investment which is eating up a chunk of my salary. I can still manage but it feels different not having the same amount of money which used to be just extra. I did play with the thought of shopping but just imagining the boxes and luggage I haven't fully unloaded and tidied yet was enough to discourage me. I've accummulated so much stuff I need to sort through. So for now, it's simple living and back to basics for me.

Scent hunt

For some reason, I've been wanting to get a new perfume but I didn't know which one to get. Sure I'm a fan of Perry Ellis 360 and Issey Miyake or also of Clinique Happy, Incanto Charms and Light Blue but since last year I really wanted to try a new one. Just this March I did happen to go through the ICN duty free shops but none really caught my attention. Maybe partly because I was looking for Escada Taj Sunset which unfortunately as confirmed by a friend when I asked her to look it up for me in SG (they say it's a bit cheap there) is no longer available. I came across this while I was out at Funan square with another friend back in SG last 2011 and the scent just sort of stuck with me. I was on a business trip back then and I couldn't really shop due to the nature of the trip.
Then I told another friend about it and we ended up looking for recommendations online, narrowing down the list to 5 based on the descriptions, reviews and popularity:
1. Chanel No. 5
2. Gucci Guilty black
3. Escada
4. CK Euphoria
5. Bvlgari Jasmin Noir

He willingly indulged me by going with me to a department store and sniff them out. The sales clerks were kind enough to accommodate us as we figure out which scents were good and which weren't. There were a few other good recommendations but I've sort of forgotten them as two stood out, one more than the other.
1. Chanel No. 5 is not really my type or suited for my age.
2. Gucci Guilty Black - all it took was one sniff and I knew this was good and one smell I'd really love. It was sweet but it still was unique in its own way.
3. Escada - they were good but they couldn't really compare to #2 or maybe I was still hung over when I checked them out.
4. CK Euphoria Forbidden - loved the scent and a cheaper alternative for #2.
5. Bvlgari Jasmin Noir - not my kind of scent again.

There were some that seemed good and light enough as a summer/day scent but I was hooked on 2 and 4.

Too bad, my birthday is still a couple of months away and I couldn't really bug people to get me either. At least now I know which one I'd get given the chance (aka budget). :D