Nonchalant

Feelings/emotions have a funny way of sneaking up on you. Just when you thought you've gone through the notions and that there's nothing left but small amounts of pain, hurt or rejection. It just suddenly hits you out of nowhere. Sometimes it might take just one good memory or a picture to be reminded and then the feeling starts to come flooding in. Just like a broken dam threatening to wash away all that you've learned making you more vulnerable than ever to the same or even greater pain. Because the pain has subsided you tend to forget everything else. While it's not easy to forget the rekindled feelings, one must remember everything - to see the whole picture. Paulo Coelho just about sums it up in Aleph what's more important. "Make peace with your past so that it won't destroy your present"
Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry
So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

Time to let this go and move on... I'll get there eventually.