system malfunction

feel as if a raincloud has been hovering over me since last week (or maybe even since the start of 05. But I may be focusing too much on the bad daaays but lately...)... Wish it would go away... The sooner the better... Don't think I could take anymore mishaps...Misfortunes... Am just so drained... Even crying - my favorite outlet - is taking a great deal of energy from me... *sigh* DEMET! (read: damnit) still got an exam later... Not very hopeful... Need a tutor.. Need a break! goodness! ... God help me, pleeeeeaase!

to be honest, after that episode wherein I figured in a minor accident, I've always imagined myself getting involved in an even greater tragedy. It's as if the picture is so clear inside my head. It's as if I want to actually experience it. Know what it is? While driving, and when the roads aren't jammed(think: freeways) I imagine that I'll(the car with me inside) BE hit by any other vehicle traveling at the very least at 100kph! My gosh! I don't know what's gone into me. But I always think of the same thing while driving, that sometimes there's this stupid nagging feeling for me to try it and see what happens. Must be really stressed out (coupled with F1 addiction)... pro the impact, the collision, it really intrigues me... And sometimes, deep inside I wanna die... Though I know I am not yet ready...i don't consider myself as suicidal though...

P.S. wish me luck guys. really need it plus prayers... or even a miracle... just so downright depressed or if not utterly sad...

UP ALCHEMES' aCaDeMiCs ComMiTtEe:PoNkaN na PonKan :)

haay

been a very lousy driver lately. at ayun nabangga ako today... my fault really... dami aq shado iniisip... ang utak q lumilipad... and then bang before i knew it wasn't able to brake on time at nabangga na ako. no major damages in the engine pro was in a ruffled state... i'm losing my composure... which makes me wonder is this some sort of a sign na i'm better off not to run for ChE rep? sobrang pressured na ako... i don't know na tuloy what direction tuloy to take... opportunities abound... will i be a coward? or will i take up the challenge? but what exactly is the challenge? to rid myself of this time and energy-consuming not to mention distracting and mentally draining task of weighing my options and gauging my capabilities, the easy way out is not to run for ESC. forget i've got plans for anything else and just concentrate on my acads. but... waah... im confused! demet--(read: damn it)!

God help me. Help me to make the right decision, one that is in keeping with Your will not mine. Bless the decision that I'll make. I do hope that whatever it is, I'll be able to handle it and it will not be self-serving but more importantly all for Your greater glory...

God is still so good to me, despite my shortcomings. there's still so much to thank Him for. one of which is that the accident i encountered today was a minor thing, some sort of a sign-a wake-up call to be extra careful before i get hurt big time! this is isn't the first time that He gave me warning signs especially about my driving (been very aggressive and careless), maybe i need to learn my lesson. though not in a very hard way coz the other party involved was almost damage free so i was kinda off the hook. whew! Gonna get through this i know... how? i'll manage through His help of course. wish me luck guys!:)

guys, sorry kung mejo OA ang dating pro dat's what i really feel right now, after all that's been happening to me lately.

***million thanks to my relatives abroad for accommodating my dad and giving us lotsa gifts!:) happy happy joy joy!:)

saya!

Am quite excited for the arrival of my dad tom. although sanay kami na madalas wla si papa because of his work-related out of town trips, we are not really that used for him to be gone this long -- 18 days plus the fact that he didn't spend the holiday season with us. Bahay lang tuloy kami... sad... sana this summer meron naman na.:) anyway, excited din ako coz sabi nga nya dami nyang pasalubong for us courtesy na rin of our relatives there. Ehehe:) yey!:) niloloko nga namin sya nung bro ko na we're goin to skip class tom e, hehe:)
I'm also happy for my brother coz my bro passed the ACET. First choice pa na quota course! Tiklop ang powers ko! BS Applied Physics with Applied Computer Systems! Double degree! Should he get in there and finish it e aba baka iwanan nya pa ako!:) problem is sobrang mahal ng tuition dun! E non-existent na ata ung eduplan na kinuha nina mama for him. Sure pass na sya sa UST, pro ung course na lang ang hinihintay but im willing to bet kuha din nya first choice nya, BSECE ata. So ung sa UP nalang tlaga at last pa ma-release ang result. I hope he gets in, pra may murang alternative. (Ateneo/UP) UST kasi ala atang prob sina mama dun. Well, anyway congrates and keep it up bro!:)

as regards dun sa "worthwhile posts ko" next time na lang. gonna work on it offline and pag dami akong free time pra maayos tlga!hehe:) just have to be reminded though...:)

jammed

my mind's on a turmoil right now. There's just too much that's going on inside that I need to unload. Although I do a lot of thinking, it's not often that these thoughts reach the portals of this site. Not that I don't want to share it, but it's just plain chaos inside that the very act of organizing would take a lot of my attention or rather time. I'd rather air it out verbally and in so doing, organize and make realizations sometimes at the very instant I utter a word. But then again I thought that a lot of what has been said here were mostly about trivial things or occurrences. It's high time once again for me to write something worthwhile. The problem still remains though, of the underdeveloped thoughts I have where I should I focus my attention first and put it into writing? I need to give myself a little more time and maybe by then the cloud of ambiguity will be gone. Besides, right now the need to study overrides a frustrated/hopeless writer’s need to well uhh... make an appearance before peaceful slumber gets in the way.

flash

skipped my second class for the day, EEE1 in order to go to BOI and DTI in Makati. hehe:) must say napaka-convenient tlaga ng MRT3, especially sa mga engot2 gaya ko. un lang, cramming na tlaga. the report is due tom. na!waaah! strict pa man din prof ko, unlike ung iba... *sigh* wonder if i'll be able to get some shuteye today. have class from 9 to 7:30 tom. pro may break naman ng 10-1. can't skip the last one kahit na make-up clas xa kasi un din ung class na absentan ko kanina, pag nagkaton 3rd absence ko na un.tsktsktsk! hehe ;)

tulala

for the past two years, come christmas time i'd have this nagging feeling of loneliness and emptiness. i used to just stare blankly into space, feeling the longing... sometimes when the longing gets too intense to handle, i would often find myself already crying. So in order to get a hold of myself, I amuse myself with all sorts of stuff particularly that of socializing, although my social/night life was practically non-existent back then. So well anyway, it was kinda surprising coz didn't feel such a thing this year. Maybe was too busy and preoccupied to even remember the longing. Hehe

to: 09275353090, 09214102506, 09264529817 just quit sending messages pwede. Nakakairita na. And I'm no longer interested na malaman kung sino kayo. I have a hunch na hindi tayo friends and hindi magiging friends. I repeat quit it! Magsawa ka! Takot na rin akong malaman kung sino ka kasi feeling ko hindi kita like! (why else would you not identify yourself diba? Hindi tayo in good terms dati un lang un!) don't say u weren't given a chance.

A moment's prayer for those affected by the tsunami. let us all be thankful for we are still given another day - chance to live.